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Iam building a religion
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
and that will be lifetimer's thread on toxic shame

what people constantly post about everyday from the iam ugly threads to the i cant get or will never have a girlfriend / boyfriend threads are all symptoms of this core problem.your social awkwardness and inability to connect or find love are all due to a thinking distortion known as Toxic Shame. iam into formal and informal meditation/mindfulness alot. its not about relaxing and being calm. being calm and relaxed is a possible side effect that may or may not happen. the goal is learning to be present. learning to recognize when you have been caught up in the "very normal" ever constant churning thought stream that always takes what the present offers us compares it to past judgements and imagines future outcomes and all the associations that branch off from such. i read the book healing the shame that binds a few months ago the day the toxic shame post was posted and copied most of what i thought was the most strongest parts of a chapter in accordance with meditation/mindfulness in that book and this is what i posted below.

It is crucial for you to learn to pay attention to your internal dialogue, your own inner voices. The most destructive aspect of your inner voice has been refened to as your automatic thoughts
In every case the observer's emotion was the result of a thought. The emotional response followed the thought that interpreted the event. Our mental life is teeming with thoughts, many of them going on unconsciously and automatically
Internalized shame causes you to focus on a particular group of automatic thoughts, to the exclusion of all contrary thoughts. This preoccupation creates a kind of tunnel vision in which you think only one kind of thought and notice only one aspect of your environment
Tunnel vision is the product of toxic shame
the negative voice fosters and intensifies toxic shame. It initiates and exaggerates shame spirals. The voice is powerful. Once the voice system is set up, it becomes the key dynamic of toxic shame's functional autonomy.
externalize their inner critical thoughts. By so doing they expose their self-attacks and ultimately develop ways to change their negative attitude into a more objective, nonjudgmental As the voice is externalized through verbalization, intense feelings are released which result in powerful emotional catharsis with accompanying insight.
"appraisals and evaluations from others, when they validate a person's distorted view of himself tend to arouse an obsessive thought process." Since we are already tortured by our own critical thoughts and self-attacks, we feel very threatened whenever others attack us the same way
An inner self-critical dialogue goes on in all shame-based people. This game has been called the "self-torture" game.
This critical voice can be activated in any situation of vulnerability or exposure. Once activated, a shaming spiral is set in motion. And once in motion, this spiral has a power of its own. It is imperative to externalize this internal dialogue, since it is one of the major ways you keep yourself nonself-accepting and divided. This exercise helps make the critical dialogue conscious. This is a first step in externalizing the voice.
The second step is to take each of the critical messages and translate them into a concrete specific behavior. Instead of 'You are selfish," say, "I didn't want to do the dishes." Instead of 'You are stupid," say, "I do not understand algebra." Each critical statement is a generalization. As such, it is untrue. There are some times when everyone wants his own way. There are areas in life in which everyone is confused. By translating these generalizations (judgments, conditions or worth) into concrete specific behaviors, you can see a real picture of yourself and accept yourself in a more balanced and integrated way.
shame-inducing thoughts tend to fall into three categories: self put-downs; catastrophic thoughts about one's inability to handle the future; and critical and shaming thoughts of remorse and regrets.
Shaming thoughts about future sickness and catastrophe can make one chronically anxious. The "if only" I hadn't done such and such are sure ways to trigger shame spirals. And self put-downs like, "I'm too shy to make friends or get what I need," or "I'm so stupid," are ways to trigger shame spirals. Obsessions about your failures and limitations trigger spirals, resulting in severe depression. The more you obsess about something, the more intense the shame spiral. Thought-stopping aims at stopping the spiral at its source.

No matter how good you are at stopping thoughts, the mind will not stay blank for more than 30 to 60 seconds. Nature abhors a vacuum, so within 30 to 60 seconds the old thought may come back

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I think it's good that you're highlighting a thread that you felt was most helpful. My horrible attention span has not allowed me to finish reading everything put down in that thread but I'd say that thread is mostly true and toxic shame could be a major root of my social anxiety. Especially: "Obsessions about your failures and limitations trigger spirals, resulting in severe depression. The more you obsess about something, the more intense the shame spiral. Thought-stopping aims at stopping the spiral at its source."

Anyway, I'm going to add a compliment. :)

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