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i've been told by many people, including my own mother, that i come off very cold and emotionless.
One time, at work, my colleague told me, "you're going to be one of those people who suddenly has a heart attack." I was like, "huh?!" Apparently i come off very calm or cold or something.

I wonder, does anyone else with SA have people telling you this? Or is this something unrelated to social anxiety?

is it a bad thing to come off "cold"?
 

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Yes, that's happened so many times in my life, and it really hurts because it couldn't be farther from the truth. A lot of people often ask "Is everything ok?" or "why do you hate us?" or "what's wrong? is it something we did?". things like that. So I'm trying really hard to change that. I smile at everyone I see, even if it's hard, and I try to keep a slight smile on my face 24/7. I also do little things for people that show them I care- I like to bake cookies or food for them, or give them a compliment if I can manage. So now people just don't understand me (I don't talk to them, but I do nice things for them- just doesn't make sense to most people) But it's better then them thinking I don't like them, and I'd rather be called nice then be called quiet and cold! :)
 

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Yes, I do get called that and it does hurt, because it's not true. I just don't express it in the same way or as openly as most other people do.
 

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Yep.
I think it's just because we (or I) don't talk. They can't read our minds so when we say nothing or appear not to care, they think we don't.
 

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This is one of the things I fret about as well. I've even made a conscious effort to express my emotions more, especially in public. I've forced myself to smile and laugh in an attempt to appear more "normal" and "human" to others. I find it difficult and draining trying to keep up the facade though.
It sucks though because my doctor (who knows about my SA) told me I appeared "flat" last time I talked to him. I really thought I was doing well with my attempts. Oh well. :blank
 

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I was accused of being cold by a girl i had been chatting to on msn for 15 minutes because i got offended when she sent me a pic of her ahem! being intimate with her ex - boyfriend....I mean what did she expect?...An applause!?:roll
 

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Done with SA
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People who aren't close to me think this. They think I'm stuck up, cold, emotionless, etc, but it's so far from the truth.
The only thing is, my SA keeps me from being too chummy and huggy-huggy with people when I don't know them well.
I actually think it's rather normal. I mean, I would think most people, even when they say the opposite, would be put off by someone who comes up and hugs them and makes little personal jokes with them and all that when you barely know them.

I also find it useless to put too much emotion into people. They either hurt you or they leave you.
 

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well, today, the girl I work with apologized for commenting on st. I found out that all the time she was thinking that I'm bothered by it when we talk, and I want to concentrate on my work. It's soooo far from truth :no. But it never occured to me that she views me being quiet in this way :blank
 

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Yes. My family thinks I'm cold because I can't stand my nieces or nephew. I really wouldn't care if I woke up and they were gone.

I know I'm cold so it doesn't bother me.
 

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i've been told by many people, including my own mother, that i come off very cold and emotionless.
Yeah my mom has told me countless times that I'm cold and distant.

Yes, I do get called that and it does hurt, because it's not true. I just don't express it in the same way or as openly as most other people do.
I feel exactly the same way. I have extreme difficulty expressing my emotions openly. :blank
 

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I get called stoic all the time. Which i guess is another way of saying I am cold, emotionless. Which is not true about me its more of a front I put up to others.
 

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Yep, get this kind of thing a lot too :(

Sometimes its just because I cant be bothered to play the social game and act all smiley and happy, other times its just that I am actually cold. lol
 

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The empty one
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When I was forced into picking my four year old niece up from daycare she would always cry the second she saw it was me and not her mother or grandmother. When she was asked why she would behave this way with only me her response was "he never hugs me".
 

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At work I do come across as cold, emotionless, serious, lacking a sense of humour and standoffish, even snobby. It couldn't be further from the truth. I changed manager recently and she said I'm so guarded it seems as if I'm trying to 'be' something (ie more important) and she also complained that I didn't join in the office banter and that I should just be myself.

I have now got to the point where I understand my personality and can cope with it (even if I don't like it, or hate it sometimes). So, I explained to her that I am being myself. That is me. I am guarded with people I don't know so well. I am not extrovert or effusive. It takes me a long while and a great deal of trust to let people see the real me. I really only reserve my real self to my friends at home. Very few people at work have ever seen my true personality and it will probably always be that way.

Saying that, I have made a real effort in the last few days to be friendlier. I cracked a few jokes, joined in and it felt good. It took a bit of courage and I had the inevitable "oh now she's chirping up" comment once I decided to contribute, but overall it does feel better to be sociable than be isolated and excluded. Unless of course you truly want to be unsociable and isolated but that wouldn't apply to most people on this site - most people are here because their social anxiety is an issue that they hate.
 

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People that don't know me thinks I'm both cold and emotionless, but I'm definitely not. It's because I'm distancing myself when I'm around strangers.

But I actually want them to think of me that way. I want people to think of me as a stuck up and cold person, because I want them to stay away. Then they won't know anything about my real issues. It's too risky, because it might end up with them hurting me (and making me worse).

Iced Soul said:
I also find it useless to put too much emotion into people. They either hurt you or they leave you.
I agree with this. Happened so many times. Most people are not worth it.
 

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The Tragic Princess
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I also find it useless to put too much emotion into people. They either hurt you or they leave you.
I don't have a family. They all were the worst people to me all during my growing up and today they act like I don't exist and put me down when they see me. My mom is a drug addict and very selfish and my dad is an alcoholic. I barely have any friends, but I imagine I do come off as cold because I am cynical. My parents rejected me, so why give others the chance to. I have before and everybody leaves me. I always end up in tears no matter how hard I try, yet cus of hope I continue to try.
as far as the original question....I have been told people thought I hated them before and when they told me I was shocked and hurt by it. But also, my depression makes me irritable and my pain sometimes comes to a numbness that makes me seem uncaring...
 

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Not necessarily been called "cold" but at my job, I've been accused of being too "quiet" and "serious", and I have gotten the "why do you hate me?" question once at high school. I'm just not that big on small and empty talk I guess.
 

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I'm not sure about cold or emotionless but I've been called 'autistic' in times when I've been yelled at and I've just sat there with a blank kinda look on my face.
 
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