cogni-emotional timeline....
Teacher announces we will be doing self-intros: WTF NOT AGAIN. THIS CLASS IS TOO BIG TO BE DOING THESE. I REALLY DON'T WANT THOSE GIRLS OVER THERE TO HEAR ME STUMBLING THROUGH THIS. MAYBE I CAN THINK OF SOMETHING CLEVER TO SAY THAT WILL IMPRESS THEM. WELL HOPEFULLY I'M FIRST, SO I CAN GET THIS OVER WITH.
Teacher sets order; I am last. GREAT, THIS NERVOUSNESS IS GOING TO SNOWBALL SO THAT BY THE TIME IT'S MY TURN, I'LL BE SHAKING, SWEATY AND HAVE TROUBLE TALKING. WAIT, THIS IS ALREADY HAPPENING.
First few students are giving their intros. HEH, THAT WAS INTERESTING/FUNNY/WORTHY OF TELLING THE CLASS. I WISH MY LIFE WAS SO INTERESTING. HE DEFINITELY GOT THE THE GIRLS' ATTENTION WITH THAT TIDBIT. I SHOULD GIVE UP NOW. HONESTLY I HAVE LITERALLY NOTHING INTERESTING TO SAY.
Halfway to me now... SERIOUSLY, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY. I CAN'T JUST SAY "PASS", CAN I?
Closer to me ..... I GUESS I'LL SAY THIS. IT'LL EITHER GET NOTHING, OR MORE LIKELY AWKWARD LAUGHTER. PEOPLE WILL KNOW I'M SCARED AND FEEL SORRY FOR ME. GOD I WISH I WASN'T LIKE THIS.
Almost to me.... I CAN ASK TO GO TO THE BATHROOM? MOVE TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM TO TRICK THE TEACHER INTO THINKING I'VE ALREADY PRESENTED? WHY DID I SIGN UP FOR THIS CLASS; THERE WERE SO MANY OTHERS THAT PROBABLY DON'T INVOLVE THIS.
It's my turn. WELL OKAY, THIS MAY NOT BE SO BAD, IT'S GOOD THAT I'M GETTING THIS OVER WITH.THE FACT THAT MY VOICE JUST CRACKED WILL BE EITHER ENDEARING OR CONFUSING FOR MY FELLOW GROWN CLASSMATES. EVERYONE IS STARING AT ME. THIS MEANS THEY ARE WONDERING TO THEMSELVES HOW I MADE IT INTO THIS SCHOOL, HE IS PATHETIC, AND/OR WHEN IS HE GOING TO RELIEVE US OF OUR MISERY HAVING TO LISTEN TO HIM. I'M LOOKING AT MY PEERS INDIVIDUALLY WHILE SPEAKING; THIS IS MAKING THINGS MORE AWKWARD.
I've finished speaking. SHOULD I SMILE? LOOK DOWN? WELL I JUST LOOKED AT THE KID TO MY RIGHT SO AS TO ENCOURAGE HIM TO START TALKING. HE PROBABLY HATES ME NOW. I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TELEPATHICALLY TO ALL FOR WASTING THE LAST TEN SECONDS OF THEIR LIFE, OR AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I KNOW I FAILED AND CAN DO BETTER. I DON'T THINK I EVEN MADE IT TO ALL FOUR THINGS I WAS SUPPOSED TO ADDRESS. THE LAUGHTER I GOT WHILE PRESENTING; AT THE TIME I FIGURED IT WAS *WITH* ME BUT NOW I REALIZE IT WAS ACTUALLY *AT* ME. THEY COULDN'T HAVE POSSIBLY FOUND THAT FUNNY. MAYBE I CAN APPROACH ALL THE STUDENTS INDIVIDUALLY OVER THE SEMESTER TO SHOW THEM I'M BETTER THAN THIS. WILL I EVER BE COMFORTABLE WITH MY VOICE, MY THOUGHTS, MY LIFE?