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Beautiful Mess
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How do u react or respond when u found out someone was cheating on you? I just found out my most recent bf was cheating. :steam
 

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Banned
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Um...I went crazy when I found out my ex was cheating on me, and I haven't really trusted a female since lol. Except my mom and sisters of course.
 

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king of the road
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I flipped out. I don't yell very often, but I sure did when I found out my girlfriend cheated on me.

I felt a lot of emotions at once, and had a horrible feeling in my stomach when I found out. It's a hard thing to deal with. I still haven't gotten over it. It happened about 9 months ago.
 

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Too School for Cool
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Thankfully I've not yet been in this situation, but I'd imagine it would be an unbelievable blow to my self esteem.
 

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I've never experienced that, but I think it would be too big a violation of trust to keep the relationship going. I don't think that level of trust would be recoverable.

I can't imagine the hurt involved... I'd probably want to completely cut off contact and get rid of any reminders of her (like pictures) to move on, since the relationship would basically be dead in the water.

If it was an ex, well I don't know - I'd be thoroughly disgusted I'm sure. And it'd probably be a blow to my confidence in maintaining a relationship. Oh, I hope I never have to deal with that.
 

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Beautiful Mess
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I have thought about this and I am choosing to forgive. Perhaps I was the one that was mistaken. Maybe my perception was off.
 

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is getting over herself
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It's been my experience that forgiving is the best way. Because i choose to forgive someone doesn't mean that I "approve" of them as a person again. I choose to forgive so that i can let go of my own anger, resentment, and bitterness. But first, I have to get to that place - it takes me a while, and I go back and forth along the path, with many contradictory feelings. But eventually, I get there. Doing this has always allowed me to make the right decisions about the situation, and to move on. but, that's just me.

I hope your thread has helped you.
 

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king of the road
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I was one of those people that would say "if anyone ever cheated on me, I would without a doubt dump them no matter what."

That is, until I was cheated on. It's a completely different story when it actually happens.
 

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I think there is a lot of absolutist thinking about infidelity. Any kind of betrayal hurts, but the extent to which some people respond to sexual infidelity seems unrealistic and unhealthy.
 

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is getting over herself
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sometimes a person can just make a mistake.
 

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Which responses do you find to be unrealistic and unhealthy?
There is only a hint of it in this thread, but you addressed an aspect of this when you commented that until someone is in the situation, he or she tends to make extreme statements like you noted. I'm also referring to people who form or reinforce negative opinions about relationships in general or the opposite sex in general based on having been cheated on.

That kind of resentment brings to mind the quote about taking poison and expecting the other person to die.
 

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If I were in a real relationship I think I would definitely dump them and never speak to them again since I have a very hard time getting over things.
 

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It's betrayal, but something YOU did NOT do.
Forgive if at all possible. It relieves you of the pain, but not them of their responsibility!
 

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How do u react or respond when u found out someone was cheating on you? I just found out my most recent bf was cheating. :steam
It would depend entirely on the length and seriousness of the relationship, and the specific factors involved. I don't think there's a one size fits all reaction or response.

Sorry to hear about your bf.
 

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I've never been in that position fortunately, at least i havent been informed if there was something like that going on. If it was someone i cared about i guess i would want to find out why. I wouldn't rule out trying to keep the person and giving them a second chance.
 
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