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As i was growing up i got it into my head that if i changed different things about me then people would except me. Not the case at all but the problem is i have carried this on into adult life and i'll find myself doing home improvements in a bid to get people to except me and like me more:(. It's all very sad on my part as i know people except you the way you are or not. Sometimes i feel like i don't know who i am anymore because i try so hard to be who they want me to be and not who i truly am meant to be. I hope someone can relate in some way:)
 

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I still do this today too :( It's really hard when you've sort of conditioned yourself to believe that the only way for people to like you is to fit into their idea of who you should be. Maybe it comes from a desire to please everyone? I was raised on the idea that good manners means considering the needs of others before your own etc (my family gave me miss manners when I was like 8 and raised me off that book lol). It breeds people who are constantly changing themselves, they way they do things, etc to make others feel comfortable. I've sort of discovered a mix between the two is needed to be successful in society. A good blend of who you are, and what others believe you to be will be a ticket to good socializing; it's just feeling comfortable being yourself that is the hard part :\. Keep working at it, and know your not alone with these feelings. If you ever would like to chat, your more than welcome to send along a message.
 

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There was a fake documentary I like called Zelig, about a man that changes his personality and the way he talks, and even his body and face change kind of like a chameleon to blend in with anyone around him. The idea is that he wants to feel safe and he knows he can be safe when he is just like everybody around him.

I think the desire to be accepted is OK, because it sets a boundary on civilized behavior. But, the desire to be totally accepted by everyone will cause problems.

One possible reason why we want to change ourselves to be accepted by others is that we feel unworthy of friendship, or unworthy of love. So in order to "earn" friendship or love, we change our behavior and have to read what other people expect of us and try to fill that role. In reality, though, everyone is worthy of friendship and love. We don't need to change who we are. Not everyone will like us, but that's OK; they don't have to. The sooner we can accept the fact, the more comfortable we will be with who we are. We are able to accept who we are, as-is.
 

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There was a fake documentary I like called Zelig, about a man that changes his personality and the way he talks, and even his body and face change kind of like a chameleon to blend in with anyone around him. The idea is that he wants to feel safe and he knows he can be safe when he is just like everybody around him.

I think the desire to be accepted is OK, because it sets a boundary on civilized behavior. But, the desire to be totally accepted by everyone will cause problems.

One possible reason why we want to change ourselves to be accepted by others is that we feel unworthy of friendship, or unworthy of love. So in order to "earn" friendship or love, we change our behavior and have to read what other people expect of us and try to fill that role. In reality, though, everyone is worthy of friendship and love. We don't need to change who we are. Not everyone will like us, but that's OK; they don't have to. The sooner we can accept the fact, the more comfortable we will be with who we are. We are able to accept who we are, as-is.
We all want love. I don't think it is wrong to change who you are to some extent in order to be accepted. Especially if the changes are superficial such as changing your tone of voice or changing your appearance.

I disagree though with the idea that we are all accepted for who we are. I think one of the reasons people are on this forum is because we have gotten crap our whole lives for "being who we are." If you are a girl and you are a hardcore introvert who is interested in subjects most women don't care about you will probably get less love than a traditional woman. Being more normal makes life easier. It's tough to go through life being different.
 
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