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Beautiful Mess
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I was reading somewhere ( forget where - if it was a book or online) that one of the reasons people remain single and have a lack of social life, is that they do not make the most of chance encounters. Back in the olden days, people would make friends by meeting people in the grocery store,etc. If you watch senior citizens , they try to initiate conversation out of a visit to gas station, store, doctors,etc.

I think this could be part of my problem. I am not making the most of chance encounters. How do you do this if you have SA? I have noticed many men smile and look my way at the store, gas station, etc. They even hold the door and ask how I am. How do I make the most of this? Women do this also. How do I make the most of a situation like this? I always feel so rushed.
 

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I've never had this. Sorry I can't give advice. I met my boyfriend online.
 

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I think most people are pretty friendly and amenable to start a conversation. Well not all people, but I mean if they are looking and smiling at you, I would bet they are. It's ok if you feel shy. Guys like that too. You probably knew that already. :) You just have to flirt with people. C'mon!! You know all this stuff already!!!!!!! :) Dewd c'mon! :b You know how to flirt I bet. C'mon if a guy opens the door and asks you how you are and you want to get to know him better or something how would you go about it? Or a girl at a clothing store or something that seems friendly, how would you chat her up? Focus!!! Maybe you should try some kind of exposure exercises where you set a goal of saying "hi" to people, then move on to another goal of complimenting people, then another one of starting a short convo etc. Use the Force MissMay, use the Force. :b
 

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I have noticed many men smile and look my way at the store, gas station, etc. They even hold the door and ask how I am. How do I make the most of this? Women do this also. How do I make the most of a situation like this? I always feel so rushed.
Not to make light of your SA in any way, but this particular problem sounds like a good problem to have. For many or most of us, half of the battle is getting the opposite sex to notice us at all (imagine that!). It sounds like you don't have to worry about that, so enjoy your gift and have fun with it!
 

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Beautiful Mess
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Discussion Starter #5
I think most people are pretty friendly and amenable to start a conversation. Well not all people, but I mean if they are looking and smiling at you, I would bet they are. It's ok if you feel shy. Guys like that too. You probably knew that already. :) You just have to flirt with people. C'mon!! You know all this stuff already!!!!!!! :) Dewd c'mon! :b You know how to flirt I bet. C'mon if a guy opens the door and asks you how you are and you want to get to know him better or something how would you go about it? Or a girl at a clothing store or something that seems friendly, how would you chat her up? Focus!!! Maybe you should try some kind of exposure exercises where you set a goal of saying "hi" to people, then move on to another goal of complimenting people, then another one of starting a short convo etc. Use the Force MissMay, use the Force. :b
You are so right! I am a Pink Ninja and I will use my pink ninja force to make the most out of chance encounters! It is easier said than done though
 

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Beautiful Mess
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Discussion Starter #6
Not to make light of your SA in any way, but this particular problem sounds like a good problem to have. For many or most of us, half of the battle is getting the opposite sex to notice us at all (imagine that!). It sounds like you don't have to worry about that, so enjoy your gift and have fun with it!
It would only be a good problem if I actually socialized with these people and made friends! :D
 

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Yes, this is true, probably none of us gets to taste the fruit of the chance encounter tree. Hell i can't even make friends with people I'm in class with and see every week, let alone someone at a grocery store. But people do it, and so could we. Not everyone we meet, and talk to on the street will be our best friend but they could become your best friend. Who knows?
 

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crazy
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i love in movies when people are so relaxed and can just start up conversations with random people they're next to, and then they get involved in each others lives. i always wished i could be that way. i like the advice in this thread though - it almost sounds fun to try it. :)

lol, taste the fruit of the chance encounter tree - that's good.
 

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i love in movies when people are so relaxed and can just start up conversations with random people they're next to, and then they get involved in each others lives. i always wished i could be that way. i like the advice in this thread though - it almost sounds fun to try it. :)

lol, taste the fruit of the chance encounter tree - that's good.
well thank you, but I have actually seen people on the train or bus, start talking out of the blue, and if you think that is nuts, i've seen (after two strangers begin to converse) a 3rd or 4th start chiming in. I am always amazed by such social...ism(?)
:popcorn
 

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I have noticed many men smile and look my way at the store, gas station, etc. They even hold the door and ask how I am. How do I make the most of this? Women do this also. How do I make the most of a situation like this? I always feel so rushed.
If they are doing these things, they are definitely flirting with you (Men generally have no manners unless they're flirting). I don't think you really have to do much of anything to make the most out of it. You only need to respond to the right man once. If he is interested enough, he will find a way to initiate a conversation that's significant enough to end with him asking you out or something. It may seem a little awkward but most of the pressure will be on him. Stores and gas stations are not the most comfortable environment for flirtation.

Actually, I should qualify the definitely flirting part by saying that I usually hold doors for women even if I'm not attracted to them but maybe I have more manners than most people.
 

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A guy on the bus a couple of weeks ago started talking to me and told me he was planning on going to get a coffee and then seeing a movie and he asked me if I wanted to join him, saying he'd been trying to get some friends to go with him but they were all busy. It was the least creepy way I've ever been asked to do anything by a male stranger, but I turned him down. I keep wondering if I shouldn't have . . .
 

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wtf
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I was reading somewhere ( forget where - if it was a book or online) that one of the reasons people remain single and have a lack of social life, is that they do not make the most of chance encounters. Back in the olden days, people would make friends by meeting people in the grocery store,etc. If you watch senior citizens , they try to initiate conversation out of a visit to gas station, store, doctors,etc.

I think this could be part of my problem. I am not making the most of chance encounters. How do you do this if you have SA? I have noticed many men smile and look my way at the store, gas station, etc. They even hold the door and ask how I am. How do I make the most of this? Women do this also. How do I make the most of a situation like this? I always feel so rushed.
Thank you for this thread. It's good to emphasize the importance of chance encounters because I never really take them seriously. I'll try to work on it in the future.
 

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Today, it is easier to go home and isolate yourself in front of a computer or a t.v. Our society is in the mentality of fast and convenient. Although quality is just as important, your seeing social situations/events depreciate in value.

When I go to the store, gas station, etc., my mind is set on getting a task done, rather than who I may meet along the way. Years ago, I believe, people took more time to slow down and appreciate the company of others. I'm sure life was just as hard back then for different reasons, but I think people placed more importance on social gatherings at the time.

Our minds today are much more cluttered with new toys/gadgets. It's kind of sad actually, because after a while you do begin to feel a sense of lonliness. A lot of people don't have the courage to spark up a conversation with someone random. It's pretty tough facing rejection, even though I'm sure most people don't see it as rejection anymore.

I try to steer away from the rushed society, but I'm beginning to realize it is really hard to be fully aware of my own surroundings. As weird as it may sound, it can really drain the energy out of a person.

On a positive note, it is kind of nice to see people beginning to use the internet to start local meet up groups. It is really beneficial in bringing people together with similar interests. Maybe, that will be the solution in this new and oh-so-changing society we are becoming.
 

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Born Of Blotmonað
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Today, it is easier to go home and isolate yourself in front of a computer or a t.v. Our society is in the mentality of fast and convenient. Although quality is just as important, your seeing social situations/events depreciate in value.

When I go to the store, gas station, etc., my mind is set on getting a task done, rather than who I may meet along the way. Years ago, I believe, people took more time to slow down and appreciate the company of others. I'm sure life was just as hard back then for different reasons, but I think people placed more importance on social gatherings at the time.
I agree with this, I pay little attention to the people I encounter while out doing errands. Part of this is because of SA, I'm focused on what I need to do & want to get it done without embarrassing myself. Should I have a nice encounter with someone it may lift my mood but at no point do I consider a possible friendship & attempt to create one
 

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Well, I live in a small town and everyone knows me as the younger brother or the son of my mother. They rarely talk to me as an individual. It's always, some random person I've hardly seen come up to me and say..."how's your brother doing...he's still married?"

I enjoy leaving town; I basically go unnoticed. I am a lot better with eye contact, but it's as if there is this unspoken truth about me. People here and in Europe instantly do not care about me. I could pull out a shotgun and people would probably take an hour to notice it.

I've put pictures of myself on Hot or Not, and I get really high scores. I think there is something to being able to have great conversations with random people even if it's just polite hello and goodbyes.

Don't get me wrong, I can do all of that. It's just it almost never happens with anyone my age, a female I am attracted to, a guy my age, or anyone for that matter that isn't married, 60+ years old, or a friend of my relatives.

Even when I had fame, it seemed delegated to someone else. I could win first place in something, and everyone would be talking about who came in 3rd. That's my life. And because of this, I tend to have super serious conversations with people. All my friends have these stupid, racist, sexist, retarded, offensive, immature, and impulsive conversations...everyone gets to laughing.

Xan gets in the conversation, and it's like Ben Stein at a rave party. Everyone is laughing about something like the posters on the wall. Or laughing about what this guy was wearing or that girl's hair. I'm over there deconstructing the structure of a particular word amusing to myself that the word "company" could be parsed as "with bread and."

Yeah, I'm a laugh riot. I've made people laugh unintentionally though. I could never do it on purpose.
 

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some time ago I noticed that several girls from my class keep looking at me during the lessons but I pretend that I don't notice it :( . It's my last year in high-school and I would really like to make friends with them. One of them started sitting next to me and she is so perfect - she is beautiful, smart, cute, has nice personality etc. but she is quite quiet (she has many friends and many guys approach her so I don't think that she has SA). I feel so bad ignoring her but I can't do anything about it :( I heard her conversation the other day and she talked about prom and that she is tired of all those 'fake' guys and she will be going alone, any other guy would make a move but I don't even consider this option :/
 
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