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I made this thread for two reasons: 1. To share my life story to help those who are going through hard times, and 2. To receive some advice from fellow SA sufferers.

As a victim of Social Anxiety, I have become socially handicapped. For as long as I can remember, anxiety has dominated my life. I am constantly bombarded by fight or flight feelings that have made it extremely difficult to make friends or to get a job. Waiting in lines, talking to people of authority, making phone calls...all these are painful for me to experience. Oh, and I despise how easily my palms sweat. I know a lot of you probably feel the same way, and even think that your life cannot possibly get any harder (and so suicide thoughts rear their heads). My parents separated when I was 5 and so I was raised by mother. I became very dependent and attached to her. When I was 14, she passed away. I was there, holding her hand while she laid on the hospital bed, seeing her go from life to death. To make matters worse, my older brother (and only full-blooded one) was assassinated 10 months later. You can imagine how I must have felt. An anxiety plagued child losing his immediate family and thrust into a world he did not now how handle. I then moved to my father's household; I moved to live with a man who was not there for me in my childhood. Drama arose, for his wife did not like the idea of this "intruder" living in her house. I was then forced to leave and due to depression, I attempted suicide several times but my attempts all failed. I hated the world, and above all, I hated myself. My school life faltered for I cared not. Socially, I had no friends. I spent most of my time sitting alone on the bleachers.
I was able to be in a relationship with this girl in school. Her friend told me she liked me and gradually I became comfortable to ask her out. We dated for three years but the relationship crumpled, mostly due to my depression and her bossy personality which I did not like.
Anyways, I am 25 (turning 26 in June) and I'm currently in college working on my B.A in History. Even today, depression resurfaces and I tumble. Social Anxiety has pretty much crippled my social life. I can't socialize with others unless I am spoken to first. I suffer from mild stuttering and speech blocks. Forming relationships with women is the most difficult of endeavors, and I'm not even that unattractive. On weekends I usually drink to lighten up and temporarily control my anxiety.
Well, I just wanted to share my life story and hopefully, I can help those going through hard times re-evaluate their convictions.

Have a good day everyone!
 
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