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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm in my 5th year of University (final semester).

Throughout all these years...

- Did not work or have a real paid job
- Did not make any long-term friend. And as a guy, not even a female friend. Most of people I knew were classmate acquiantaces.
- Never joined a club on campus (I'm actually trying to join one this semester).
- Commuted to school while still living with my parents.
- Still have trouble holding a conversation (English is not my parent native language). Thus, when you're islolated with no one to talk to, you have trouble forming verbal conservation.
- Avoided many opportunies for fear of social interaction.
- Thus, did not had the 'college experience' or develop a sense of independency nor social maturity in college.

However, there's more to which I can go into detailed on including cultural differences within my family and some family problems we're facing.

But believe it or not, I was accusstomed to being a loner throughout my life in school. I did not felt anything was wrong with me at ALL nor the thought of social anxiety came to mind. You could say I was introverted type. It wasn't until the end of junior year in college that I stumbled upon this messageboard, the feeling of not having any friends, I realized I need to make a change in my behavior and lifestyle.

I suppose it's not SA to many of us until we think you have some problems that need to be improve. In my case, I felt fine all these years - but the feeling of "having something wrong" with me prompted me to want to change. Anxiety working to me help, I guess. But I still think SA is nothing more than a label though.

Most of the posting in the student forums thus far I noticed are made mostly by freshmen/sophmore and issues about living in a dorm. Well, be glad you guys are not in position I am - you still have a few years ahead in college to improve your skills and plus you're not living in the dorm, which gives and force you to interact with other people.

My issue is not really as bad as it sounds, but is there anyone here who can relate?
 

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Wow, sounds almost identical to me.

Im in my 5th year as well. Ive made no close friends. I used to be able to hold conversations but its gotten worse as the years went on and ive isolated myself more.

I also didnt realize I had a problem because I've had groups of friends through most of college.

I went through a two year period in college without sex. Again my roommates werent getting laid either so it made it easy to think this wasnt such a bad problem.

We still have time though. Get out there and do it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Two year period in college without sex? That's nothing. lol. I was too nervous/shy to even think of having sex with a real person. Sure, there has been lustful thoughts but nothing close to even trying work it out nor would I want to at this point. The time will come, but it's something that's not on my improvement list until I learn to develop a good solid loving relationship with a g/f. Hopefully, before my late 20's. I'm only 22.

Anyways, hey, at least you had a group of friends in college. Most of the group I had were nothing more than study group or project partner. Plus, you live with some roomates, so at least that's a sense of independency from parents.
 

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I'm identical, right down to living with the parents and commuting. I don't have friends of either sex (in fact haven't had a female friend since I was about 9).
 

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I had the same experience except:

- I did have a weekend job when I went to school and
- I dropped out of college after that one year

Now I should technically be in my 3rd year of college but it was such a waste of time and money that I'm just working full time instead.

College sucked. I was getting bad marks despite studying, I had no friends except for "Hey can I borrow a pen" people, no dates, no life, and I live(d) with my parents and hated my job.

Right now I'm in the same situation except I have more time for me, and more money.
 

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Im in my 3rd year of college(just switched majors too), and i'm in the exact same situation, no friends(until last week, long story short: I was lucky), no successful relationships, commuting from parent's home everyday, the only difference is that this year I have made some very serious efforts to become more social that I would have never done before. (but facing rejection more often than inclusion, its painful at first, but I have started learning to become less sensitive to it).
 

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Pretty much the same situation here. I just transferred so it's normal not to know anyone but I can already see myself falling into the same rut. The problem is I just don't know how to start conversations. I go to class, maybe have a few words with someone, and go home. I just can't find a way to really connect with anyone.
 

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I am 27, went to college 5 1/2 years, now in my 4th year for masters....as of the end of the 5 1/2, made a small amount of 'friends' who barely communicated with, except when walking by 'hey' [oh wow....]

the closest I might have come to sex was this girl i knew in my 2nd year, she came to my room, we already knew each other a little. we were alone, [the ONLY TIME it ever happened!] and in the same bed [in this way we did i guess 'sleep together' ...anyway, I was literally petrified to the point of having no clue at all what to do, as if my mind floated away into overthink-land and my body was left in the control of a computer stuck in an infinite loop of 'popups' of thought. yeah, so she went to sleep in my roomates empty bed. A relief, and yet a defeat...[sigh]

I was on prozac my first 2 years in college for anxiety attacks [lots of physical symtoms] and depression. Then I weaned myself off w/supervision of course -b/c I couldnt get it up and didnt "want" to from side fx [you'd think a drug that is supposed to treat depression will 'raise' you up and out of it, eh?] THAT motivated me more than anything else at the time to get 'better' - but I got talked into switching to divalproex sodium [depakote] by a doctor of my parent's choosing...which is normally perscribed for seizures....which i dont get....anyway ive been off ALL behavioural drugs since '98.

long story short: College sucked collosal-time, had no *real* friends, lived in my room most of the time. I had this one job in the cafeteria for like 2 months, part time that wasnt bad...I learned to do some golf and yoga, [but never talked to any of the other students - and it felt very weird b/c I knew I could, but something kept stopping me and does to this day]

Sometimes I went to hang out w/people, and even performed once or twice [literally] playing my guitar/singing at a coffeehouse...but only when it was an event I knew for sure lots and lots of people would be at, rendering my identity 'safe' as in nearly indistinguishable in my actions. which were, [the reason i didnt go out much at all]. My support system was pretty weak, and I went to a college w/about 50,000 people [a state u]. I had the lamest *sounding* major too, [though then and now I knew/know its not] which KILLED my conversations 1000% of the time.

So, college was pretty much a bomb, [lived 35 min. drive from home, commuted in my 3rd year] then ff to now - I moved far away to BC where I am now...studying acupuncture...ive got a friend or two when they feel like inviting me somewhere / doing something [which is extremely rare] ..

of course, it may only be my perception of myself and not people who dont want me around...i think its a cycle, i think people dont want me when i think its after the fact, when actually my thoughts 'after the fact' are still in the game, and my message of 'wanting to be involved' only gets sent across as the give-up part, like 'i dont feel like it. dont even ask.'

its the perfect self sabotage to live with and never shake off if you dont become aware enough of it [havent yet but am doing a bit better]... Id sure like to wake up one day and have it not be there, Ill tell you that! :cig
 

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I know how you feel. I'm pretty much in the same position. This is my third year at community college. I can't transfer over to a university untill I can drive. I don't have a job, and I'm friendless. :|
 

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Re: Can you do worst than me? Felt I regretted my college ye

Throughout all these years... (Sept. 1993- Mar. 1999)
- Did not work or have a real paid job
Worked at an ice cream store the summer before starting, McDonald's for three summers after...

- Did not make any long-term friend. And as a guy, not even a female friend. Most of people I knew were classmate acquiantaces.
Ditto.

- Never joined a club on campus.
University pep band - played at the basketball games first four years.
Then, they changed the rules and shrunk the band through tryouts.
Went from 90 to 30 overnight. I didn't bother returning the fifth year.

- Commuted to school while still living with my parents.
Ditto.

- Still have trouble holding a conversation
Anything outside of studies? You bet! NOT!

- Avoided many opportunies for fear of social interaction.
No parties. Went to a "club" for Hungarian people my final year.
My dad was part of that so I'm not sure if that counted.

- Thus, did not had the 'college experience' or develop a sense of independency nor social maturity in college.
I'm 30 and still figuring that out - even after getting a good job. Of course, there's the fact that thanks to the wonderful economy since 1999, I have been unemployed for 3 of the 6 1/2 years I have been out of school! No friends - they all eventually dump me. At times, I wonder why I try.
 

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I disliked high school... was an insecure paranoid loner without many friends.
thought maybe in college, things will change... but after three years, the situation may have gotten worse, I'm still that insecure paranoid loner who makes people around me uncomfortable and have difficulty making friends

After three years of college:
No friends, no girlfriend, no dates, poor grades, didn't have any fun, didn't network, avoided many opportunities, one of those "went to class and went straight home" person, still have problems in social situations especially around females, and etc.
In a way, I feel like I LITERALLY wasted three years I was in college.
So here I am in my "fourth year" but what hurts the MOST is the fact that I'm still two years behind. I'll have been in undergrad for a total of 6 years and that's if everything goes as planned.
Either I should've excelled academically or had the time of my life in college.... I did neither. I did poor in my classes and I had zero fun.
It also hurts to see people I knew from high school or met in college doing so much better than I am... in a completely different situation... can't help but compare and feel like crap. I'm more concerned about my lack of friends.... or a group of close buddies.. rather than what I'll be doing after graduation. Without a close group of friends... I can't see myself happy even if I got a good job or everything else falls into place.
 
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