Yup. It had a very bad impact on me.If a child is verbally abused by one or both parents and made to feel unaccepted, can this lead to SA?
I only asked a question. The question does pertain to my life experiences and my childhood but all I am trying to do is understand how I came to be the way that I am. I'm trying to piece the puzzle together so that if I get a larger picture of my problem. Although memories from my childhood upset me from time to time, I do not sit around wallowing in my misery. I do not feel that I will always be this way and that it is useless to try and achieve my goals and try to be happy. It's not as if I cannot experiece happiness. I have so much good in my life but it's my fears that often paralyze me. I may have negative thinkng patterns and many of us on these forums have many things in common but I really do not appreciate you assuming what I feel, think or know. I know that there is a strong person in me somewhere. This is exactly what my mother tried to suppress in me when I was a child because if I was strong by nature she felt that I didn't need her and that I was better than her. My strengths and my fears are in a constant battle and unfortunately, it's my fears that triumph the most. I am still trying to make an attempt at bettering myself. I've had little triumphs here and there but I still have so much to work on. Still, I appreciate that you're only trying to help. So thank you.Yeah, it can contribute to SA if you let it. You have a choice to continue to dredge up old memories and make yourself get depressed and self-defeating about them. As we are now adults we better start thinking like one. What good is it going to do you to sit around and emotionally lambaste yourself over your sick and twisted parents day after day? Your goal is to live a happy life, and is this choice of yours to continue to allow yourself to depress yourself over the past going to help you achieve your goals? Yes, you mother and/or father may have acted twistedly. So what? What happened happened and now you better work hard and practice hard to rid yourself of your Irrational Beliefs that have caused you to be in the rut you are in. It's simply a problem that you better actively work on so it can no longer block you from your goals. One who is emotionally disturbed will think a rational thought: My parents mistreated me when I was younger and that was a major inconvenience. Then, an irrational thought: And because they treated me in this way I am a complete loser (add self defeating term of your choice). The second belief is rubbish because by definition that means that you will never do things right when we have done many things right as well as wrong (because we're human). This irrational belief also leads to hopelessness such as "I will always be this way so it's useless to even try to work on achieving my goals and strive for a happy life because my parents mistreated me"? That was the past when you had a child's mind that is unable to comprehend that criticism or abuse doesn't mean that it's the end of the world and it will always be this way. So many people, including myself, hold on to these child-like emotions and carry them on into adulthood by mere habit and believe that somehow we must continue to feel upset because its only natural. We do have another, healthier, rational choice in how we choose to interpret these past events. It takes constant practice, and it takes work to face your fears and irrational beliefs and repetitively and forcefully challenge them. If you are interested in this type of thinking I would recommend "A Guide to Rational Living" by Albert Ellis. He speaks in tougher language than most therapists in order to drive the message home.
I know what you mean about it making you short tempered. My mother actually enjoyed tormenting me so I used to try and smile and shrug it off but that only made things worse. She would also get my older brother to chime in. I would blow up at them and this only made things worse then I had to be the one to apologize. that is until one day when I realized that I had done nothing wrong and I refused to apologize.Yup. It had a very bad impact on me.
I think AJ can relate to this as well (being asian) - for me, I was never accepted by my parents because I wasn't the stereotypical "perfect" image of a daughter (not that I'm stupid enough to be anyway).
When I was young, my mum tried to "train" me up to be one but then intelligence started to kick in and I started to ask questions like why we had to pretty much be a guy's slave all the time and her answer was simply "because you're a girl" and the funny thing is, they don't see anything wrong with this "logic".
After that, I gave up trying to be this "perfect" daughter. Even when I was trying to be one, I still received verbal abuse (one of the stereotypical things about asian parents if that they always have something to moan about their kids) so that also made me gave up as well since I felt that I was not going to be accepted either way.
My mum is the person who gives me the most verbal abuse but my dad drinks every day at dinner and he does it alot during this time as well. I know I shouldn't but before, I used to react alot to the verbal abuse which is why, now I have an incredibly short temper.
Now, I still get alot of verbal abuse however, because I get to so much, it's pretty much become cliche that it's lost its meaning. It's like using a swear word nowadays - it's become to cliche that it's lost its true meaning.
The verbal abuse is definitely one of the reasons for my shyness.
The verbal abuse has also defintely had an effect on my self esteem although I think asian culture has a part in this as well as I was always brought up to believe that if I wasn't "the best", then I wasn't good enough so I pretty much have very little self esteem in everything nowdays since they fail to understand that there is alyways going to be someone better than you - and there is.