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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
On most issues I have, I can usually trace the roots and figure out where the problem is, but my fear of working/getting a job is puzzling me because I cant figure out what my root fears are or if its more just laziness than fear? I have a hard time forcing myself to do anything that isnt easy for me.

Im scared to apply for jobs, because Im scared of getting called for an interview. Then being stressed and worried about said interview for many days...having this blemish on my calendar. Waking up that day and having to drag myself out of bed with all my might and get in the car and go to a strange place where I dont know where to go, who Im meeting etc. Forcing myself to do something that I really dont want to do feels like emotionally being asked to push a boulder up a mountain. All I want to do is go home and feel free again. Im scared of not being able to answer their questions/meeting their criteria, and of the interviewers being unfriendly and super stern and professional and making me feel inferior...how do you feel like a confident equal walking into an interview or new job?

Then after the interview, Im glad to have it behind me, but at the same time I feel like I just went through so much stress for nothing, because odds are I wont get the job. And if I do get the job...more stress. Having to force myself to go to that new place and not know anything...it'll take weeks of anxiety and being uncomfortable & total overwhelming stress (this has been my past experience at every job Ive had)before I even feel like I can take a breath. I get no respite...nights are just full of lingering stress and worry about what tomorrow will hold, what unexpected issues I'll have to deal with....and then I start to get depressed because I feel like work consumes my whole life...and everything I enjoy I dont have time for and Im just living like a robot - a miserable existance.

Anyway, these are the thoughts and fears that go through my mind...and stop me from being able to even apply. Maybe someone else reading this can see the issues that I cant and give me some more insight....Thanks!!!
 

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Out there...
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I'm kind of like this in the way of just wanting to be home and doing nothing already. Every small thing that I would have to take care of feels like a big mountain I am unable to climb. Definitely laziness (although I think sluggishness is a more accurate word) is a factor in your fears that you describe.

It seems to me that you don't like being out of the house for fear of the worst possible instances happening to you while you are out. Or the possibility of you being burdened by nuisances that you would otherwise see as easily avoidable if you did not leave the house. You might possibly feel that it is not worth the "tremendous" effort to go through all those unplesant possible scenarios.

Also that you see every possibilty/scenario in a negative light. If this happens, then that bad thing will come up, and so forth.


I've gone through (and sort of still go through this myself - I work but I get anxiety jumps also becasue of that) pretty much what you describe here. I feel super lazy/sluggish and because of that I don't do anything, thereby compounding my fears. Come to think of it, I still do this quite often.

Hope that helped.
 

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Paranoid Freak
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You basically summed up how i feel about the whole job/internship hunting perspective. I can totally relate to the feeling of continuous (dis)stress. Applying for an internship is difficult as it is with the overwhelming odds which sees me rejected 99 out of 100 times because i have no 'work experience' and an quite average grade list (SA and major depression made me a C student). And even more stress when you do get accepted, because you have to prove yourself every day that you are worth the position you've been given. A few semesters ago, i did an internship that was literally handed to me by my study-supervisor because i got rejected everywhere, i pulled through at the interview by pretending to be social, everyone soon realized i was socially awkward and i basically had no social interactions with anyone on the workfloor, i just sat behind my desk and did my thing. Those were really tough 6 months for me, made me realize that the rest of my life is going to get even tougher if i don't change my circumstances. I got a negative evaluation for my social skills, but they were happy with my business plan.

The thing with my situation is. This time i NEED to find my own internship in order to graduate, no if's, or's and but's. No help whatsoever. It's either sink or swim for me the next two months. And i feel so stressed now that i'm avoiding the whole prospect of applying for internships because i already know the outcome. Every rejection is like a piece of your soul getting ripped out (whether it is based on something i lacked in my resume or just other candidates being more suitable).

So i definitely know what you are going through. And i've got no piece of advice for you because i'm in the same situation as you and just as afraid.
 

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It's tough to beat social anxiety and subsequent depression when you don't know the root. I am like the OP in that I am pretty good at identifying solutions to problems, but have a hard time nailing down the cause of my SA.

First off, you're not lazy. There's a big difference between being scared to interact with society and choosing not to and not being scared to interact with society and choosing not to for some personal gain.

Have you always felt this way when applying for jobs? Has the stress gotten slightly better since job 1 and your current state?

how do you feel like a confident equal walking into an interview or new job?
Because the person who is confident feels they are capable of the job and all it entails. You may be just as capable, but you don't believe it. Lack of confidence.
 

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Paranoid Freak
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The best advice i can give you, is to fake it.

Act arrogant and confident. Counter tough questions with a smile and a lousy arrogant answer. They don't care as much about the answers you gave, they care about your attitude. It is all about first impression, spend the day before practicing your smile to make it look less forced and more natural. Don't worry too much about preparation of your answers, if you start overpreparing for them, you'll forget your lines anyway.

About being called for job interviews; i'm exactly the same. It reminds me of the Jason Mraz song 'Dynamo of Volition' that goes like: 'I do not answer the call if i do not know who is calling. I guess the whole point of it all, is that we never know really'. Just pick it up as quickly as possible, don't even look who the number is, if you start thinking, your mind will stop you from picking up the phone.
 

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I'm going through this RIGHT NOW. I just had my first interview in years, and I managed to find the courage somewhere, but I felt like I was dying at every step. Now I'm waiting to hear back from them, and although I don't want their rejection, I don't know if i can handle the job if I get it. I don't want a job because I'm scared about what the fear will do to me. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep at night worrying about it, knowing I have to throw myself headfirst into crippling anxiety everyday, which will lead to depression. And I'm scared this will be soul crushing, or will cause me to have a breakdown.

I just keep telling myself to get on with it, put one foot in front of the other and fake it. Fake confidence and determination because there is no other way.
 

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Paranoid Freak
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Have you ever seen Office Space? This is how you should approach a job interview.

 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
It seems to me that you don't like being out of the house for fear of the worst possible instances happening to you while you are out. Or the possibility of you being burdened by nuisances that you would otherwise see as easily avoidable if you did not leave the house. You might possibly feel that it is not worth the "tremendous" effort to go through all those unplesant possible scenarios.

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This nails down a part of it yes...its just so much easier to not have to deal with all that stuff, and I guess maybe I dont really have any motivation making me want to. Yeah you get money, yeah I want to travel and buy things - but all those goals are so long term, its too far away to motivate me. On some level I guess my mind doesnt see any of it as being worth it. I do all this hard stuff...and I feel like the reward is nowhere near as equal to the effort.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Have you always felt this way when applying for jobs? Has the stress gotten slightly better since job 1 and your current state?
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Yes, I've felt this way each time. If anything, I think its gotten WORSE. I actually do pretty well at the interviews themselves usually (unless the interviewers are really serious/tough on me). But its more about forcing myself to deal with the anxiety beforehand and actually getting to the office, introducing myself at the front desk etc which makes me want to run away to safety. How do you force yourself to deal with the unknown, knowing things have the possbility to go badly....and most of all, I dont know how to properly respond when I make a mistake or embarrass myself - that is when I get SO socially awkward!
 

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Yes, I've felt this way each time. If anything, I think its gotten WORSE. I actually do pretty well at the interviews themselves usually (unless the interviewers are really serious/tough on me). But its more about forcing myself to deal with the anxiety beforehand and actually getting to the office, introducing myself at the front desk etc which makes me want to run away to safety. How do you force yourself to deal with the unknown, knowing things have the possbility to go badly....and most of all, I dont know how to properly respond when I make a mistake or embarrass myself - that is when I get SO socially awkward!
My experience is similar to yours. I was never keen on going out there and applying myself to a line of work. But the few work experiences I have had have made my views of having a job even worse. Looking for a job with SA is hard enough. It is even harder when you have the real experiences to back up your negative way of thinking. Man, having those experiences made school look easy though school was hard for me, too. I made it through high school without major incident; never went on to college; never knew what I wanted to pursue. The short times I did have jobs were during the summers in between years of high school.

If you aren't keen on applying yourself to a line of work but haven't tried it, please do. I realize that even though I have negative thought patterns as to sociability, those few bad experiences have tainted my view even more. Don't let my experience stop anyone from at least trying.
 
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