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I don't remember where I read this, but some book suggested that social phobia is not purely a result of low self-esteem; in fact, the issue may be just the opposite. Social anxiety can result when individuals place too high a level of importance upon themselves. Basically, you get anxious because you can't stand the idea that people - all people - won't immediately recognize how great you are.

I feel myself thinking this way sometimes. I don't contribute to conversations, not because I can't think of anything to say, but because i can't think of anything good enough (i.e. clever enough, witty enough, wise enough) to say. Or if I do say something, I replay it over and over in my head afterwards and realize how inadequate it was, and how it didn't really reflect what I meant.

Does this make sense to anyone else?
 

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Neurotic megalomaniac
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Yes, I understand. I thought I was extremely important as a kid. I have to say the one perfect thing that exists for each situation but I can never find it.
 

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This makes a lot of sense actually... I always thought that I don't have low self-esteem because I love myself and I'm just afraid others won't feel the same... And I agree on the not being able to find something good enough to say. Like I always have to be funny or smart or something. Hmmmm
 

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The empty one
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It seems like your describing a spectrum of your self esteem. On the one end you feel this way because of complete self depreciation and on the other end you think no one realizes your potential and uniqueness so you stay quiet and unheard. But I think there really Isn't anything you could say that would be "good enough" because you may not get that agreeable and appreciative response you may have wanted, which would lead back to the self evaluation if what you said was "good enough". This may be just be my speculation because no one knows better than you how you internalize all of this.
 

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Buried at Sea
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My awesomeness cannot be comprehended by the minds of mere mortals. Only comic book superheroes, a select group of top theoretical physicists, and Jeff Rogers of Cedar Rapids, Iowa know the true extent of my awesome.

However, I feel my levels of awesome to be unrelated to my levels of crippling mental, emotional, and spiritual anguish.
 

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Now that you mention it, it can be a little bit of both in my case. I don't say anything because I don't feel that it's good enough, and I don't try to contact people because I feel like they'll be annoyed by me. When people are being really friendly to me I think it's only because they're trying to be nice, not because they actually want to be my friend. But at the same time I get depressed because I feel that no one notices or cares about the good things about me and instead they see a timid, rather pathetic person.
 

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April showers, I feel the same way. Even when it's clear that someone likes me and wants to be my friend, it still seems like they're just being nice and that I'll annoy them eventually. It's frustrating when people don't see everything that's good about me, but I don't really show them- Even when I get an opportunity to talk about something I know a lot about and am interested in I still can barely hold my end of a conversation because I don't want to stutter or phrase anything wrong or say something the other person might disagree with.
 

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i get like that sometimes.

Sometimes its right on the tip of my tongue, and i think "this is great, they'll laugh" and then the moment passes and it seems weird to bring it up.

people without SA seem to not have this "filter" on what they say... they dont seem to care.
 

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I do kind of have low self esteem but at the same time I have some arrogance. The problem is that I started to doubt myself. I've been afraid the part of me that thinks I'm awesome might be wrong, or that over time I lost my awesomeness, and I feel like I need to prove my worth, but I'm too scared to try.
 

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Sometimes I feel like people have an idea of what my strengths are, and if I feel like I cna't portray the correct image, I do get anxious.
 

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I think that being too awesome and social anxiety can also conflict if one suffers from perfectionism. there have been a few times where i met someone at a party and they stated something along the lines of "you're awesome" to me during the night. very flattering, but it pressures me into feeling like i have to be "awesome" with them all the time or else they won't like me as much. or worse, that i'm really not awesome and it was just that one night. gahh.
 

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This is exactly how i feel in social situations with new people. I can think of plenty to say, but i just freeze up on actually saying it because i think its just too damn boring and they'll think "wow this guys lame". And i've actually had friends in my past state that i'm awesome. No friends anymore though.

:(
 

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sa challenger
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I think that being too awesome and social anxiety can also conflict if one suffers from perfectionism. there have been a few times where i met someone at a party and they stated something along the lines of "you're awesome" to me during the night. very flattering, but it pressures me into feeling like i have to be "awesome" with them all the time or else they won't like me as much. or worse, that i'm really not awesome and it was just that one night. gahh.
I've had people say I'm funny, and then I feel so much pressure to keep being funny, that I end up feeling anxious and wish I'd never gotten that compliment.
 

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there have been a few times where i met someone at a party and they stated something along the lines of "you're awesome" to me during the night. very flattering, but it pressures me into feeling like i have to be "awesome" with them all the time or else they won't like me as much.
Yeah definitely same here. In fact I have drifted away from several friends, because they have "started to like me too much" :|

I cant stand dissapointing them.
 

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I struggle with that too. It sounds a little like narcissistic personality disorder to me. I'm hypersensitive to criticism, or anything less than total approval, and when I am criticized, I react by becoming extremely avoidant or defiant.
 
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