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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well hello all!

I am new here (obviously) and wanted to "introduce" myself to everyone. I consider myself to be a pretty introverted person though I work in a customer service related type of industry and deal with people all day long.. it's really draining though and I am fortunate enough to have my own apartment where I can escape and just be me. I struggle with showing people the real me as I constantly feel judged and somewhat rejected. I know to a certain degree that all people have social "masks" and that no-one ever knows the real you but I really have a hard time sharing and talking about myself and my feelings.

I would say my social skills are mostly developed. I have no problem carrying on a conversation (at least superficially) and got along well with all social circles in school, but through the vicious cycle of perceived rejection which made me push people away even more.. I am now all alone.

For some reason I have always had this "you're not good enough" attitude that has plagued me my whole life. Constantly feeling left out and "ditched" even though I may not have been (was it my mind or was it real?) that as I got older (and moved across the country) I grew tired of feeling like that and so by not having many (or any really) friends I don't have to feel that way right? Right.. but now I find myself lonely.

I am hyper aware of my own actions and what I say and somewhat paranoid how people perceive me... Did I say the wrong thing? Did I say the right thing?

This whole notion is a million times worse when it comes to relationships. I consider myself attractive but I've never had a long term relationship. I have never been in love. I'm 32 frickin' years old. I tend to waste my time (occassionaly) with men I'm not really attracted to as I don't find them a threat just the same as regular people I only consider "friends". I get such gut wrenching anxiety when faced with a situation where a guy I find attractive might be into me as well that I pretty much blow it and nothing ever happens. As sad as it is when the pending relationship doesn't materialize, I also feel a GREAT sense of relief that I don't have to feel that anxiety any more.

Anyways I am sure I will get more into the rest at a later date.. this was only supposed to be my hello after all.. lol..

Ciao for now!
 

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Hey mistyeyes welcome. :hyper
 

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hi there and welcome! I can certainly sympathize with most of what's in your post. I can carry on a conversation as well, however when it needs to be sustained or more in depth, that's when I'll feel awkward and the sa tendencies start.

same as regards the opposite sex. I've wasted a lot of time with men who I was simply not attracted to, for the same reasons. I know where you're coming from.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
hi there and welcome! I can certainly sympathize with most of what's in your post. I can carry on a conversation as well, however when it needs to be sustained or more in depth, that's when I'll feel awkward and the sa tendencies start.

same as regards the opposite sex. I've wasted a lot of time with men who I was simply not attracted to, for the same reasons. I know where you're coming from.
You are right on the money... when the conversation needs to be sustained or more in depth I DEFINITELY feel awkward... I can't tell you how many times I have run into a co-worker (one that works for the same company but not close to me or anything) or someone I met through a friend or even a client for that matter that I either look the other way and pretend not to notice them or I literally duck out of the way to avoid them because the situtation is just too stressful to handle!

I've dropped classes in University because the teacher randomly calls on students to answer questions or read paragraphs from the text..

It just seems to be getting worse for me.. I'm holding myself back I think.. out of fear.
 

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Welcome, MistyEyes! :)
 
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