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I have noticed that I seem to be more inhibted by my social anxiety than many people posting here, yet there is something I have not seen anyone else mention which perhaps marks out my anxiety as somehow different.

This is because I have occasional moments where I can be quite sociable, without even being drunk. For example, back when I was at school and had a few friends in some of my lessons, I would often be one of the louder and more talkative people in a small group that consisted only of people I knew well.

Sometimes even with strangers I surprise myself by managing to appear quite "normal" or even "sociable". I have actually gotten away with public speaking once or twice (though normally my voice fails me and I get twitches and shaking etc).

I have found that my anxiety has been much less in "prescribed" situations, i.e. where some external force was what brought about the need for interaction. Such as in school classes, if we were told to work in groups, then I would be less anxious because it wasn't just a "social" discussion it was a practical one that I wasn't responsible for starting.

Also, back ages ago when I had a half-way-decent number of friends, if I was with a large number of these friends and a stranger was on their own with us, since they were the "odd one out", I would feel a lot more at ease talking to them than I would in a normal situation.

Yet despite these brief lapses into sociability and even extroversion, my Social Anxiety is normally crippling, as I have posted before, I cannot use busses, go into restaurants, often I can't bring myself to answer the door or even the phone. I don't understand how it can normally be so severe yet have sudden, brief breaks.

These aren't entirely a good thing though, because they make people more likely to judge me by "normal" standards, rather than the standards of a shy person, so the contrast with my usual, anxious self just highlights how introverted and awkward I am most of the time.

Does anyone else ever experience anything like this?
 

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People tell me I come across as catatonic most of the time, but then they are shocked when my crazy side comes out, eg, like the other night I did my Buffalo Bill (Silence of the Lambs) impersonation.

They said "you are so funny sometimes! should act like this more often!"

The reason i don't is because it usually isn't called for. I only do stuff like that when I have a reason to. We were doing movie trivia on a long drive when the subject of the film was raised, and so I felt perfectly comfortable doing it.

If i randomly act crazy when it isn't called for then it would be obnoxious. I'd rather be thought of as catatonic than obnoxious. I have my issues and shortcomings, but being obnoxious isn't one of them.
 

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first of, even though it may seem you are the only one going through this, it's not true.

at any rate, my SA gets at its peak when i'm continously thinking about what could go wrong. one example is when i order food at a fast food restaurant. if i don't think about it and just do it i'm fine but if i start thinking stuff like "what if they give me the wrong order", "what if there's a really long line", "what if my voice comes out like a girls", "what if they take a long time to prepare my food and i'm just sitting in my car pretending to do stuff", "what if the person tries to make small talk".. etc.... then i freak myself out and my SA meter rises and continues through the rest of the day. where as, like i said before, if i don't think about it and just do it everything is fine.

somehow some way, if by a miracle one was to ignore all that and have an attitude like "i don't give a **** what they think" one could manage better SA.

some things that have helped me:

-get mad, grab a pencil and paper, write down what you hate about SA and how you will not let it control your life.

-buy a punching bag, pretend it's SA, and beat the day lights out of it.

the point is to vent and let your anger out.
 
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