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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just want to start off by saying I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and I could tell that within the first couple of weeks that his mother is nuts...
I hate to sound mean but it's true. First of all she calls him EVERYDAY at least 8 times and texts him ALL TIME about DRAMA. She will call him at 7 am and set him off. Whenever he puts her in his place she gives him the guilt trip and Cries like a big baby. She will cry and nag to get what she wants. I get so upset because I worry about him so much and it makes me angry to see the stress she puts him through... I am trying to encourage him to see a concelour because I figure that they could prob give him better advice than I do and maby he will realize that I am not being a ***** I am just trying to make him realize that what he deals with is not normal. His mom has depression and anxiety issues but it seems like she's the kind of person that has to put her probs on other people... I want to see her get better I really do... But she shouldn't stress her son out because she has issues... Most of the time she just lays in bed all day unless she has errands to do. I feel so bad for boyfriend :( I just don't know what to do... Do I sit back and just worry? Do I just not bother with his family anymore? His brother and farther aren't the ones who stress him out so I have no prob bothering with them but they all live in the same house... I just don't know what to do. She will be arguing with his brother or farther and then call my boyfriend and stress him out about it... She will stress out over NOTHING all the time. She gets overwhelmed with thing very easily and EGZAGERATES EVERYTHING. She always try's to get him involved in every little argument she she has with any of his other family memebers... It's just crazy... I hate seeing my boyfriend so stressed all the time... He asked me to go by his house with him and I told him I wasn't in the mood because I get angry seeing how his mom acts... She was already on the phone with him stressing him out... He acts like I'm being a ***** but I was being honest... Why would I want to sit there and see that? She will literally talk for 20 minutes just ranting without taking a breath... It's crazy.... Even HIS friends can see it! He always deals with stupid BS and I can see it's wearing him out mentally. I feel like I can only say so much because it's not my place.. I don't want to seem like I'm insulting his mother either... I just tell him that he should not deal with it or just hang up the phone... And he acts like I'm being a jerk. What the hell do I do? I literally cry sometimes because it makes me sick to my stomach... He's a grown man and it's like he has to do what his mother tells him... Ugh
 

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The bottom line is with every friend or girl I ever knew (never had a serious girlfriend) I simply had to inherit their annoying friends or family members, there is simply no way around it... my only real hope is to find a loner who has no baggage as far as clingy parents or friends who take all my time away from him...

My only friend's wife hates me (for some reason) and he is completely whipped, so I never see him or are invited over because of her... My grandmother basically I am convinced layed so much psychological damage/abuse on me it is unbelievable... I never want to see her again and hear that my dad visits her like twice a week and my mom also visits regularly even though they can't stand her...

So as crazy as your situation is, it may not be that unusual in the grand scheme...

If she is cutting into the time you have with him, that is one issue. If she is simply annoying, I would just try to avoid her as much as possible... If he is a grown man, no offense, but I don't know why he would spend this much time with his mother even on the phone...

I would maybe send an E-mail explaining how you feel, as in person, he could then get cagey and confrontational... will be very hard to get through to someone like that....

After a few E-mails or talks with him, if he makes no effort to change, you could give him an ultimatum, even if just to test him in a way, even if you plan on staying with him... the bottom line is eventually, if you are this frustrated, to be blunt, he will have to choose between her and you, dealing with her annoying B.S. or making you more of a priority
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
She does seem to cut into our time a lot. I mean I don't mind my boyfriend helping out his mother but she will have him go over there for nonsense or drama ALOT or for stupid things that can wait and be feels like he has to rush over there. Thanks for the advice. Writing an email is a good idea.
 

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Sure, no problem... the first E-mail you send should probably be less intense... kind of to feel him out... if he gets offended or doesn't respond well, then I guess you should come on stronger...

Eventually, he has to take you seriously... she sounds like more than a minor annoyance...
 

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We cannot choose our biological family but we do get to choose how to deal with them. A mother will most of the time deserve at least some leniency and tolerance but I think she has crossed that line long ago.

I'm sorry if this sound harsh but it's your boyfriend's fault, his mother is clearly unhinged and at this point I doubt it would be possible to help her. Then it's his responsibility as an adult man to prevent that situation from becoming worse, which is what he's doing by allowing her to affect so many aspects of his life.

If you've had to deal with this for 6 years then I honestly believe it's time for a good old ultimatum, it's either her or you, because the stress this is putting on his life and your relationship will most likely end up causing you to drift apart anyway.
 

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If she exaggerates, then she is trying to get attention. She seems to be a bit codependent on her son. That's not "nuts' but is something only the mother can address. She needs to understand that her son is a grown man now. She should also be able to make friends....but yeah, she may need to see a counselor for those issues of codependency.
 
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