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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've been going out with my bf for 3 years and now he is threatening to leave me if I don't talk more. His family and friends always tell him I don't talk enough and they wish I did. He says it is childish and I need to just grow up and talk because I will never get a job, I will never be a good example for my children when we have them. He wants to go far in life and believes I will hold him down. He even made his mother have a talk with me about why I have to talk more because no one is ever going to hire me if they see I'm shy, and when I have kids I will need to defend them.
Also, he thinks by "training" me I will be able to talk more and everything will be ok, but I don't think so. For example he tells me the steps I need to take when conversing with people. (For example, one time when I was talking to his family member, I wasn't making good eye contact and so he blurted out in front of his family "MAKE EYE CONTACT, KERRY.") It was very embarrassing and demeaning. I really feel it is a bit more complex than just re-learning how to talk with people...
Sometimes I am really defensive of myself, because I cannot help it and I really don't know how to be more assertive. Other times I think he may be right and I'm stupid, that maybe it is as easy as it seems to him.

What do you guys think about all of this?
 

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Wtf he is an idiot, and so is his family.

Leave him asap. It will be hard, but if you keep being in a relationship with him, it will be much harder. When he realizes that you can't change yourself so easily, he will leave you.

There's plenty of better guys for you out there. You need to find someone who understands you.
 

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Give him the silent treatment imo.
 

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Government Watch List
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Leave the guy! He obviously doesn't care about you when he's just shouting out laud in front of everyone to make eye contact. He's not encouraging you to better yourself. Looks more like teasing to me. There are better men out there that would go to the extreme (in a good way) to helping their girlfriend/wife out.
 

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Abendfuchs
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If he's threatening to break up with you for that, then he doesn't understand, and after 3 years, he never will. If I were you I'd GTFO, find a nice introverted guy or someone who can appreciate your personality.
 

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uggla
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If he genuinely cares about your well-being, he shouldn't demand that you have to change for other people's sake(potential children, his family etc). It sounds more like he cares about how other people perceive you, and him indirectly, than anything else. Hell, he even told you that he doesn't want someone to "bring him down". I could be wrong, of course. Have you told him about how you feel in these situations? Maybe if you made him understand what you're going through, he wouldn't assume that you're "not trying". It seems like he either doesn't understand the true condition of your social anxiety issues, or he's unwilling to accept such a condition. You need to find out which and take it from there. You shouldn't feel forced to change who you are for someone else.
 

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Anyone who threatens you to break up for any reason should get drop as soon as they finish their sentence. When someone care they talk about it and if they can't handle it they leave.
 

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OMG! You poor creature. That guy is a ***, if he think that your holding him down, then dump. You shouldn't take that from anyone, if he can't show some damn compassion, then he is not worth it. I would fear someone like that.
 

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" make eye contact kerry" what is this? you're not his pet, you should break up with him just for treating you like that
 

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1.Time to cut him out your life and move on....
2. He needs to deal with it or at least not discourage you in a negative way defensively.
3.Try to work on improving it (which does not happen overnight). Hell, I can't even say this for myself.
 

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if you love him,dont leave him,ffs u have a relationship,i envy thatO_O,im a man and all but i wish i had a real relationship with a girl.
 

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Looks like he will be doing YOU a favor if he left you. He sounds like a little boy.

Obviously he doesn't understand you and is just going to continue to be a negative force in your life. Better to part ways but I understand that's easier said then done but in the long run it will be better for you to be alone than in a toxic relationship.
 

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waiting to bloom
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He shouldn't be yelling at your or coaching you. Tell him that you don't appreciate that, you gotta stick up for yourself.
 

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I'm terrified of something like this happening to me.
 

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Leave him. You deserve better. You need to find a guy that will help you in your own way and be patient and not just demand that you get better.

Does he have any irrational fear? If he does then tell him to get over it and see how he feels.
 

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anxious geek
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I'm terrified of something like this happening to me.
I second that. My boyfriend doesn't act like that though, but his family certainly doesn't understand me.

Did he really say "training"? That's ridiculous. This isn't the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. Chances are, it'll only get worse.
 
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