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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I told a group of 6-8 people ( I wasn't looking at them, lol ) at a Bible class this morning that I have depression, and mentioned in passing my SA.

I have been feeling less sucky for the last week. I wonder if this is what normal people feel like. I have been making progress in therapy and got a job that I enjoy -- with nice people, which helps.

So these people I have known for 10+ years and never been able to do much more than hint at the fact that I have a messy house and can't get out of bed on days I don't work so maybe they'll figure out I have depression, and hint that I don't have a close family and don't know many people so maybe they'll figure out I have socialization problems... Well there I was with a clear opportunity to add to the conversation about having hope when problems endure.

And I totally lost my train of thought before I started. Go figure. lol

But after someone else started talking, I remembered, and spilled a lot. Probably more than I have told anyone besides my therapist. It was comfortable (relatively speaking!) to talk, I only barely felt like crying and avoided that.
They were glad I shared and we talked about how everything we endure is for a purpose, and how possibly sharing things like that can open doors for others who have similar issues but never knew anyone else had them. Which I already know a little about, by having read so many examples of other SAers.

So anyway. I am going to a dance class where I learned the Lindy swing and the foxtrot, so maybe that helped get me in a good mood to talk too. And okay -- maybe, just maybe, having my happy pills (paroxetine) dosage doubled helped a little too!

Thanks for listening. No one was in chat. People here are the only people who really get this stuff. I'm getting a little weepy with happiness now. I hope things go well for you all too. You All are in my prayers.

And speaking of prayers, I think of the song lyric in my signature as a prayer.
 

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i no how hard it is to be a SAer and i hope this new found happiness wont leave u anytime soon.. u will definatly be in my prayers too :banana
 

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StrangerHere,

There is usually a little bit of "pain" when doing something like that. You made yourself vulnerable to others. I want you to know that I think that was a very hard thing to do and you pulled it off. A lot of people wouldn't be able to admit something like that.

I hope you also know of how freeing that is - you are letting other people get to know you. That is truly awesome - :boogie :boogie :boogie
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks. Good to read your responses.

I have been thinking since yesterday: this 'coming out' was a long time coming. I guess about four years in real time, and probably ten years' worth of obsessive internal conversations.
Besides how everything else is being laid out for me now (therapy progress, new job, more meds) I believe my thinking has turned the corner from pointless rehashing to ... ? ... well whatever it turned to is better than before. My mind has so much less clutter now. That is such a blessing.
 
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