[That Random Guy]

I had a call with my manager recently and they told me "introverts should work twice as hard as everybody else". They then basically told me to reach out to people to get out of my comfort zone.

I specifically told these guys from day 1 that I needed some kind of mentor. The person they put me with made just about no effort to actually train me despite me asking for time and training.

I feel like I made enough effort for what this environment has and it's not exactly like anything I do requires me to reach out to anyone else because of how the roles are separated. It doesn't actually benefit me aside from maybe doing small talk with someone who I see in a meeting we have every other day. They see me and they know me - it's vice versa. I don't have to work with them and if anything, I asked my manager to get more involved in things the first month I started with these guys. If it was any benefit for me to do anything like this with others, it would have come up then and or they would have introduced me to others in that time.

This entire episode just seems like a ploy that they've come up with to cover their own *** in light of recent upper management changes recently and so it's become very obvious my manager doesn't see me in the best light.

Have you ever had any managers say something like this to you?

 

[Futures]

Unfortunately, it's always extroverts that get into management positions, and then they force their way of doing things onto everybody else, without consideration that not everybody is just like them.

Telling an introvert to "get out of your comfort zone", "come out of your shell", etc...I hate hearing that stuff. It's like telling somebody in a wheelchair to "just get up and walk".

 

[WillYouStopDave]

Isn't that discrimination?

 

[That Random Guy]

Isn't that discrimination?

Not sure but he tends to be very passive aggressive with me and I think he thinks I'm not smart enough to pick up on it. He'll say things indirectly like that and sometimes make jokes but they're snarky.

I want to say it's all in my head but his tone with me at times makes it very easy to tell he doesn't really like me. We rarely chat but he's different with me when we're in a group.

I initially gave them the benefit of the doubt during the first month but despite me asking for the first 3 months, I eventually gave up. I feel I was pretty open with my manager about my situation and I think they tried making some effort in the beginning but I haven't really fit in and it's been about 5 months now.

I'm at the point where I'm just really not happy at this job and so I'm applying to other jobs now.

 

[Dan the man]

I've been told to be more assertive quite a bit but was never told anything like that

 

[WillYouStopDave]

Not sure but he tends to be very passive aggressive with me and I think he thinks I'm not smart enough to pick up on it. He'll say things indirectly like that and sometimes make jokes but they're snarky.

Well, what I mean to say is it seems like to me it might be analogous to a situation where a boss would tell a woman that women need to work twice as hard as men. Because what he is telling you is discriminatory against something that isn't something you can control. Or might not even want to.

I'm basically saying there might be some kind of legal recourse on the grounds of discrimination. That might be pushing it. I really don't know. I am pretty sure employers are not supposed to discriminate that way. Of course there's real world and on paper but still.

 

[That Random Guy]

@WillYouStopDave

Thank you for that.

I have considered going to HR about this but chicken out because I know his boss is pretty much the same. At this point I realize it's just the environment as much as it is me not fitting.

I'd rather avoid the drama and while I could use that if push comes to shove, I'm hoping I'm somewhere else before I have to use this. Wish me luck.😩

 

[Jenna]

I haven't had anyone tell me that, but I have often felt like I have to work twice as hard to prove my value to the field and to keep my job.

I work in the health care field, often considered an "extrovert's" field, and I have met a lot of people that are biased towards introverted people. They think that quiet introverted people do not communicate well and don't have enough social skills. I knew a supervisor that fired someone because the person was quiet and didn't hang out with everyone at lunch, which I think is very discriminative. People should have a choice to seek quiet time during lunch. In college I was told that I would not be good at my job because I am quiet.
I feel like some people think that good communicators are the ones that open up about themselves the most, which I feel is wrong. Honestly in my opinion a good health care worker is someone who is accepting and understanding of different kinds of people, and they don't have to be the person that talks the most. Also, healthcare workers have to deal with quiet introverted patients, so it's good to have introverted workers on the team to understand those patients. I've also met workers who were quiet and were very good communicators. They don't open up about their personal life as much, but they do communicate about job related information very well. They are more efficient with their communication in my opinion, because other people may complain about an issue for hours and hours without any resolution, whereas introverts tend to seek a resolution with as few words as possible.

Good luck with the job situation and try not to let that manager get to you. Some people just don't have enough empathy or listening skills.

 

[either/or]

Maybe bosses should shut the **** up. Really.

 

[alwaystooquiet]

My boss told me I needed to be more talkative at work and that no one there felt like they knew me at all. This was a surprise because I thought I was pretty talkative and had already made friends and everything. So for an entire year, I worked really hard to make conversation with every person on staff, which was exhausting. I would come home most days totally drained from all the social interaction. At the end of the year, I was rewarded with a better raise than I had ever gotten, and it felt weird because I knew this raise wasn't based on my actual work performance--it was based on how much people there liked me and saw me as part of the group. My intelligence and work ethic could never get me a raise that good, but as soon as I was "likable"... yeah.

The thing that really gets me is that most of the people I work with are introverts, including my boss. They just think that introversion is something you can (and should) overcome to be successful. Meanwhile, I'm thinking about a career change.

 

[LonelyFellow87]

Unfortunately, it's always extroverts that get into management positions, and then they force their way of doing things onto everybody else, without consideration that not everybody is just like them.

Telling an introvert to "get out of your comfort zone", "come out of your shell", etc...I hate hearing that stuff. It's like telling somebody in a wheelchair to "just get up and walk".

Yeah. Extroverts can be harsh with no understanding about us.

 

[Linnie48]

I had a call with my manager recently and they told me "introverts should work twice as hard as everybody else". They then basically told me to reach out to people to get out of my comfort zone.

I specifically told these guys from day 1 that I needed some kind of mentor. The person they put me with made just about no effort to actually train me despite me asking for time and training.

I feel like I made enough effort for what this environment has and it's not exactly like anything I do requires me to reach out to anyone else because of how the roles are separated. It doesn't actually benefit me aside from maybe doing small talk with someone who I see in a meeting we have every other day. They see me and they know me - it's vice versa. I don't have to work with them and if anything, I asked my manager to get more involved in things the first month I started with these guys. If it was any benefit for me to do anything like this with others, it would have come up then and or they would have introduced me to others in that time.

This entire episode just seems like a ploy that they've come up with to cover their own *** in light of recent upper management changes recently and so it's become very obvious my manager doesn't see me in the best light.

Have you ever had any managers say something like this to you?

I had a supervisor tell me I needed to interact more. Because I was the only employee in that department that didn't get on well with my coworkers. Actually I didn't get on well with no coworkers I worked with at no job except for the older ones.