Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Nowhere Man
Joined
·
2,415 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I rant on for a while here, it wasn't supposed to be this long.

I haven't counted everyone in my family, but I'm sure that about 90% of my uncles and aunts are alcoholics. Both sides of my family come from rural Ireland. My Dad's side are all obsessive drinkers. Whenever they get the chance, they'll squander all their spare change on booze. My grandparents would spend more money on alcohol than they did on food. Even though they're family, I don't trust or like them at all. To this day I still believe that if you gave them the chance, they'd gut you.

My mother's side isn't as bad I guess, but I would still consider them disfunctional. My grandmother used to beat my mother and her siblings from time to time. Not enough to put my grandmother in jail but probably enough to mentally scar her children.

My Grandmother's still alive and she's kind of polite now, especially to me and my sister; she's never actually apologized to any of her children for what she did though, or even brought it up. Which is why I barely talk to her, and people think I'm cruel for that. My Mother has four siblings, and three of them turned out to be alcoholics. Luckily, one got help and overcame his problems. He's reasonably wealthy now, living a very successful life considering the background he came from.

I haven't had much contact with my Dad's family, but I spent a week with them once and it was a brutal experience. All they did was drink for a week and act like complete morons. From that day I really never wanted to drink. Growing up I watched my Dad do nothing but drink and sit infront of the TV. Cursing other races, shouting at almost anything that irritated him. Whenever me and my sister got into a slight argument he'd shout at the top of his voice just so we'd shut up, instead of actually dealing with the problem. Most nights he drinks alcohol until he falls asleep on the couch. Then one of us has to go downstairs, turn off the TV, the lights and lock the doors. Sadly, he's an incompetant ******* who can't take care of himself properly. His anger is terrible too. He swears bloody murder whenever he's trying to fix something. Hell, he was shouting just because he couldn't fry an egg properly ¬_¬

Luckily, my mother is a caring person. She's over protective I guess, but that might be because she doesn't want to see me and my sister become like him. Although, I see some similarities between us. I made a topic about my anger issues somewhere else but for those who haven't read I've noticed that I'm getting angrier lately. A few months ago I punched a wall because I couldn't build a shelf properly, I left a noticable knuckle print for everyone to see. I fear that I might be falling into the disfunction that my family created. On my mother's side of the family there are four grandchildren. Me, my sister and two cousins of mine.

My two cousins failed all their GCSEs because they were partying too much. Which is a shame, because both of them were quite bright. Now one of my cousins is compulsively working out in the gym (I'm sure he's steroid abusing, and I'm afraid that he's going to experience some kind of heart failure in the future) and my other cousin has signed on for the dole at age 21. He does nothing but laze around all day and smoke cannabis. The mother of those two guys has become depressed and drinks heavily as well.

My older sister was the top pupil in her class but sadly she suffered from confidence issues and almost developed an eating disorder. She went bone thin, and was extremely pale. She seemed to have social issues, but I don't think they are as bad as mine. Luckily, my sister pulled through and now has a her own apartment and is a biological assistant at age 21. I'm really happy she pulled through, but now I wonder what's going to happen to me.

The other week I was invited to a party at someone's house. My usual reaction would be to dodge it because I get extremely uncomfortable in social situations but it was only about 8 or 10 people I know and am comfortable with. My friends were intent on getting completely blitzed. I didn't have the same intentions but I thought I might as well have had one or two drinks and leave it at that. In the end, the party was cancelled. I wasn't really dissapointed.

But then I thought to myself, what if I had gone to that party? If you managed to read my essay long rant about my family and their alcoholism, do you think I might not have been able to stop? To this day, I still haven't drank alcohol because I'm afraid of going down the same road other members of my family did. However, I contemplated sacrificing that concern just to have a little fun and be normal for once.

My main question is, should a guy who comes from a f*cked family like me engage in regular social activities such as drinking? I've read that these kind of things pass on through the family. I seem to have anger problems similar to my dad and his family, who says that I can't inherit his lack of self control when it comes to alcohol?

Sorry about the enormously long rant. I've never spoken to anyone beyond my family about this kind of thing before. I appreciate it if you managed to read through it all. If not, then I don't blame you :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
192 Posts
I would be very suspicious myself tbh, the best thing to do is to avoid drinking entirely. Just because you go to a party where people are drinking doesn't mean you need to partake, and if people do not respect your wishes and continue to pressure you even when you've told them, "No." a few times then ditch them. If they're really you're friends they should understand where you're coming from with your family history and all of that.

Also, since you say you've grown up in a chaotic environment a little bit of therapy or joining a Alcoholics Anonymous nearby will help you're life out immensely (you do not have to be a drinker to participate in groups).

One last thing you should be aware of though is alcohol isn't bad or anything, it's how it's used by people.

Take care :)
 

·
Yes
Joined
·
1,760 Posts
My ENTIRE family on my father's side is an alcoholic, including his brothers and sister, mother until she recently died, and his father hung himself when my dad was a teen.

I haven't shied away from alcohol, and actually often felt like I needed it to socialize. But I'm not by any means an alcoholic. I might drink an average of 1 beer a month these last few years, and that's NOT through any sort of attempt to restrain myself. One of my brothers has a really bad problem with weed, but he's semi-ambitious and working. Unfortunately, a great deal of the time that ambition is somehow related to the weed.

Being flat-out drunk isn't really pleasant, and being hungover is even worse. There's nothing special about the substance itself, it's just a way of escaping reality for alcoholics. The fact that you've held out for so long and just stayed cautious, coping with reality instead, really makes me believe that you are probably not the same kind of person as the rest of your dad's family - you've already exhibited self-control. So even though it's a problem that is largely inherited, you are in no way destined to become an alcoholic.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
324 Posts
There is scientific evidence that a predisposition to alcohol abuse can be inherited. Of course, abuse can also be acquired since alcohol is an addictive drug. I think you are very wise to stay away from it and work on the more important things in your life. You will face a huge amount of social pressure to drink alcohol in the next several years of your life. I hope you will continue to make good decisions for yourself.
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top