Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hey y'all,

Just wanted to see what people have done to make their life more exciting when the lonely boredom blues hit?

I think I'm having a more difficult bout of this crap lately because I went out on a date that didn't work out with a girl I was interested in. So I'm trying to not make it a big deal, because I know it isn't. And I'm thinking that I should have more going on in my life to where it really isn't a big deal, just a small hiccup in an otherwise satisfying life.

That's when things get depressing. I look at others and everyone has had more "life experiences" than i have and it feels like my life is empty. So I'm telling myself I'm 28 and there's plenty of time to get out there and actually live. I've got an itch to go do something, but I can't think of what to do.

I started playing disc golf with some friends, but they're really good at it and I kinda stink. In fact, it seems that almost everything I do I'm below average. So I got a bicycle and started exercising. It feels good, but it's kind of a solo thing.

Other friends of mine go surfing, wakeboarding, skiing, play sports, write music, hang out at bars, make other friends, and pick up girls. A life like that sounds exciting. I've been playing guitar for about ten years and struggle to keep up with them. I have a bad knee that gives out when I try wakeboarding, surfing, etc. I never got good at sports when I was a kid. Is there such thing as "talentless"?

When it comes time to hang out, I feel like I've got nothing to add because I've done so little. The confidence drops through the floor and that ruins the girl situation.

Can counseling help this? Does anyone pull out of these ruts? I just graduated and can't find a job, so this should at least be a time in my life to really go out and adventure. But I don't seem to have what it takes to get an exciting life going.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
32 Posts
I am trying to figure this out myself. But you said you've been playing guitar for ten years so you do have a talent :). I would suggest finding something you enjoy doing (like disc golf, for example) and just keep practising. I feel "talentless" too but I've found that keeping a journal helps because I can write down my strengths and it helps me figure out what I'm good at and what my goals are. I refer to it often. Maybe you could try writing in a journal?

Whatever you do, good luck. Keep us posted on your progress. You do have talents...you just need to figure out what they are ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,126 Posts
I’d suggest examining why you feel you need to have a talent at all (and a public, not a private talent). What problem would being an expert wakeboarding really solve? Wouldn’t setting life goals and working towards them also make your life more satisfying, and less boring?
If you feel like you're life is in a rut and you're bored and lonely, then that's definitely something legitimate to go to counselling for, if you have access to it. Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Thanks for the responses.

It felt good to write that down, and after I posted I realized how exaggerated it was. Really good insight there Jane. Why would I need a public talent? I'm still looking for external gratification. That's not soul searching. Hmmm...

I think I might go get a counselor. Someone to help me out of my 1/3 life crisis here before I go try to buy a sports car.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
A couple other thoughts. I think everyone naturally wants some sort of external recognition. It's just that I'm looking for that to fill my own void where I should have internal recognition, confidence in myself.

But as far as needing some excitement in my life, I really do. Something besides anxiety has got to get my adrenaline pumping. Skydiving doesn't take talent =) .

The word talent is thrown around as if it is some sort of defined line between just good at something and "talented". I'm good at a lot of things, and there're people better than me at all of them. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy them.

How about competition though? There's going to be a winner and a loser. But something in me tells me that it's still a good thing. It's primal to want to push yourself to succeed over another. I guess that at the end of the day you just can't place the entire importance of your existence on it.

I don't know if you follow baseball, but look at Giant's pitcher Barry Zito. He's stunk it up for the last two years and receives a helluva lot of ridicule for it. I don't know how the guy sleeps at night. But then he came around yesterday and threw an incredible game. Now there's a job where you've based your career around competition and external recognition. Not sure my point, but something about finding self confidence in spite of externally recognized failure. Something like that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
931 Posts
"Talent" really just takes dedication to something. If you spend hours everyday practicing something you're passionate about you're not going to get worse. You just have to have faith that whatever you choose to devote yourself to you will get good at. Just do what you want to and don't worry about being instantly amazing.
 

·
stillborn
Joined
·
1,764 Posts
When the lonely boredom blues hit, I produce art. To be honest, that's what fuels my creativity the most. Whether I'm writing, or making a film... or whatever it is, that seems to cheer me up. I just finished writing my screenplay doing that seemed to take me out of the lonely boredom radically.

But... it's finished. So I'm back to Square 1. :troll
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,052 Posts
What about Tai Chi or a martial arts class. Ever wanted to drive a motorcycle, take the class to get your license.
Go on a singles cruise
Start cycling
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Thanks for all the replies. I just got back from a wee fishing trip and had a great time. Didn't catch anything.... but still had fun. I guess that's kinda what it's about though.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
336 Posts
Part of it is levels of anxiety i.e. anxiety puts you off taking risks and trying scary new things and you limit yourself to safe places/things/people. There's no reason why you couldn't do these things.
I'm a bit the same. I will go to the gym on my own but won't do classes or play football or go climbing or go rowing or walk/run a long way. I'm doing a spinning class tomorrow as scared of a) classes and b) that I won't be fit enough. I need to push through some of my fears.

If you're negative in general you will knock your achievements. Bear in mind your goal posts may be somewhere different to these people's e.g. it is harder for you, they don't have to worry about these sort of things to the same degree so don't have the same barriers to push through.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top