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[expletive] it. I have SA. So what if I go out there and people judge me or say this or that? What happens? I feel a little embarrassed. Or maybe really embarrassed, and start having panic attacks. So what? [expletive] it. I'm not going to die. It's all in my mind. I am going to go outside and force my mind to do what I want. No more bull[expletive] giving in to anxiety and running away. At some point or another, when things get so bad that you're ready to pull out your trump card and cease to physically exist, to put it that way, then you have nothing to lose. You have everything to gain. And if my SA starts hurting again, so what? [expletive] you, SA. I will take control of my mind and force myself to do [expletive] well whatever I please. [expletive] all this self-pity and wishing things would just go back to normal. I'm going to go out there and make things the way I want them, and nothing is going to stop me. I will forcefully will my SA to just shut the [expletive] up if I start feeling it again. At this point, I don't give a [expletive] about the results of my actions. I'm just going to do stuff. I went nine years without even telling my parents, and I can go for however long it takes to fix everything back the way it was. That is all.