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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone,

I've been registered here for some time now, just read some posts every now and then...

I've had social anxiety for my whole life and I've been in therapy for one year. I was diagnosed with "Avoidant Personality Disorder" and especially in the last few weeks it has been very hard to deal with it.
I have fighted really hard, tried to face my fears! Today I'm able to do most of the daily stuff and talk in groups and even fool around (not ALL but most of the time...), to put it briefly I improved many issues.

BUT

I'm not able to socialize and I don't have any self-esteem. So I have hardly any social contacts, just some former schoolmates, a good fellow I know for about 6 years and my workmates (now and then we also meet privatly)
I am 22 now and I didn't ever have a girlfriend and at the time that's the issue which makes me suffer the most. About two years ago on a school trip I met a girl at the disco. There I got my first kiss, we hugged and squeezed us the whole night and it was really overwhelming for me. I don't know how all this could have happen, it probably was a coincidence. Unfortunately I had big fears to be adopted in a relationship...

Meanwhile it's almost impossible for me to deal with this situation, being alone all the time like for my whole life never getting love or even a hug...

I'm really in a desperate state and I don't know how long I'm going to be able to take these depressions... I just had to write something...

sorry for my bad english btw...
 

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Sounds like you have made HEAPS of improvements!

And, you seem to have a lot more friends than a lot of people.
I'm not saying it's wrong for you to not be satisfied. But you sound
like your on a pretty good track!

If you read around there are a lot of peple here with the same problems, you are not alone.

Who were diagnosed by? Are you still seeing them currently?
 

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What you can do now is keep writing! Sometimes we could not find the solutions to our problems. But keeping in contact with the people here makes me feel better at times :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hi,

I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist and I'm still visiting her two times a week. But it seems to me that I hardly achieve any progress. In the last few weeks my situation became worse - I nearly lost the contact to my former schoolmates and it looks like I'm going to spend my freetime completely alone again...

The problem is that I'm not able to step up to somebody, I've never managed to overcome my fears to try it just once! I also can't allow any feelings, atm I even have to work up the death of my father altough he died 13 years ago.

I've been alone for my whole life and I'm simply used to it. I never spoke to anyone if I had problems etc. But now the time has come when it's almost impossible to sustain this way anymore...

So my biggest desire is to find a girlfriend, isn't that replicable? Of course I know that it's very unlikely to happen if I'm not able to keep contact to anyone...

Suicidal ideation come up more and more the last few days... It's just so hard
 

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For starters twice a week is great! I suggest you keep a note book
on ANY success
any achivement no matter how small you think it is. My psych instructed me to do this and when I feel like all is hopeless I read all these things that I never thought I would be able to do. (even things like calling a store to ask a question) It might help to do this for when your feeling
like your not making any improvements.

You said you nearly lost contact?..which means you havent?

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a girlfriend.
But there are more importaint things and if you focus on yourself,
and the girlfriend thing will be a lot more achievable.

Take care
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hi and thanks for your answers!

Maybe you're right and I should keep in mind my successes from time to time but I think this won't be satisfying enough for me. It seems like I'm able to do pretty everything I have to though many tasks are still exhausting.

The fact that I'm still not able to socialize is the biggest problem for me. Every man has the desire to socialize and have a relationship... so I don't know why wanting a girlfrind shouldn't be one of the most important things!

I'm really unhappy and as long as I do not have someone close to me this case won't change!
 

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Well it's good that it won't be completly satisfying, or else we woukldnt be motivated to make improvements. The importaint thing is to write them down or else you will forget, it does help some knowing what you have seceded

Have you had a girlfriend before?

I can see you achiving your goals.
You have a job, when they hired you they must have thought you had good qualitys to employ you. I know it probably doesnt seem related but having
the skills to go through an interview is something I hope to be able to do.
And I think if you were able to do that you'll be able to woo a girl.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Well, as long as it's technical I nearly don't have any problems to talk, to make a speach etc., but as soon as it is personal I become completely withdrawn, I'm not able to show interest to anyone, I'm just feeling inferior!
Looked at that way it is of course impossible to establish contact to anyone or even to make friends. The pain of loneliness is so big, nevertheless I'm not able to overcome my fears of rejection, critisism etc..

Hey, I just want to LIVE... but ironically I bar myself from doing it...
 
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