Because i'm not exactly where I want to be in life (you know, with a husband and a couple chubby babies), my birthday hits me hard every year. It's that slap in the face reminder that i'm running out of time. This year, I begin my 31st year of life (where did the time go?), I put forth an honest effort to make the best of it. I love to bake. I came up with my own recipe for ice cream cake (from scratch) and a recipe for my boyfriend's favorite cake. We intended to celebrate our birthdays together. I invited our families. My mom bailed, and not nicely. i've never had a decent or loving relationship with her. I can only assume she's punishing me for some holiday that I had to work and couldnt stay "long enough" or something beyond my control. That's when I snapped. I cried. I was embarrassed (how will it look to his family when nobody in mine cared to show?). That anxious tightness in my chest lingers for most of the day. My stomach flip-flops. I feel terrible. I've opted to stay home from our party because I dont want to be a downer. I don't want to feel like this anymore. My gift to myself this year will be cutting my mom out of my life. My boyfriend says "you're the only one who can change how you feel." My question is, how?