[Willow Maid]

If it's uncomfortable when being socially anxious with new people, then it's even more when it comes to family. Growing up it was just me, my sister and parents. Any family members from my mom's side (small one) I got to know growing up too. The issue now is my dad's side of the family, they live in another country that whole time so I never met them only, heard of. Slowly over the years I got introduced to some of my cousins, aunts, uncle, grandparents over some short video chats or calls. But every time that happens now I just get scared. My grandma calls frequently and I avoid her calls 'cause I keep thinking how awkward the conversation will be. I never know what to say or do besides the typical "I'm good" "My jobs fine" "Everyone's okay" and the chat will end up at a pause that feels like forever. Sometimes I have to force myself to take a few calls 'cause that would be bad of me. And for my birthday I had to take a group video call from multiple family, my heart was pounding, if talking on the phone made me panic, a video call is worse. I tried to act totally normal and say more because if I stayed silent for most of it I could end up seeing the worry on their faces which will make me just want to hang up. And it kind of kills me that they ask me to try and visit them out of the country to see me in person but that will end up causing my SA into overdrive because I don't know them that well to be comfortable enough and over think everything. I just get it in my head that they'll say "You don't have to be nervous around us, we're your family" if they knew this of me. I hate that because it doesn't help at all, it's the same as someone saying "You don't have to worry, I don't judge".

 

[alwaystooquiet]

I'm the same way with my family. Every year we have a family reunion in the summer and then a big holiday party at the end of the year. I have so much anxiety about going to these events that sometimes I don't even go, and then I don't see them for at least half the year. We don't do videos or calls very often, but when we do I struggle with when to speak and how to end a conversation without being totally awkward.

I haven't figured out how to talk to my family about SA, but my hope is that they would be loving and supportive of me. I want to stay connected with them, but I also want to take care of myself and do things in a way that makes me feel the most comfortable. Of course, sometimes exposing yourself to the things that make you uncomfortable is the best way to get over your fears about them. But I think being kind to yourself and respecting your limitations is important too.

 

[Paul]

It's difficult being expected to be super comfortable and friendly with people just because you have genetics in common when you don't really know them. Fortunately, the only time I tried to join a video call with extended family I failed to get Zoom to work. And the rare times when I see them in person, I can just sit with my parents and not say much. Sitting around not saying much on a video call would be a lot more awkward.