[Arbor]

The only time I feel like I succeed in associating with people is when I play private jokes on myself. For example, if I approach a person I'll be more successful if I'm in a playful mood and start to think "I'm such a wreck and this person doesn't even know, let's see if he finds out." Or if it involves self-sabotage, like sometimes I get so tired of the problem that if I see old classmates in a restaurant sitting together I'll immediately go to them and introduce myself so that I can witness what awful things happen to me next.

It's like I'm saying "ok, let's see how you handle this" and I throw myself into the most awkward scenario I can find, as an expression of how much I hate living like this.

If I succeed in humiliating myself, I'll either find it hysterical, or feel like crud for the rest of the day.

I'm not sure if this is good or bad? The plus side is I'm using humor effectively, and leaving my boundaries - but maybe it's self-destructive.

 

[ItemEleven]

If I succeed in humiliating myself

What's the worst thing that has happened to you? Just wondering because I try to avoid being embarrased or humiliated in public at all costs.

 

[fluffybunnyfeet]

I think there are alot of people who try to combat their SA by acting or sort of 'playing a character' in social situations. It sounds to me like you're trying to combat yours by role playing, which isn't a bad thing.

You're getting out there and interacting...that's got to be a positive in the long run, so long as you try to remain optimistic when things don't pan out the right way.

 

[radames]

It is also interesting that I was attracted to theater and drama. I am now seeing that it helped me with the simple act of coping and interacting with other people. It wasn't that I was actually going to be famous when I had dreams of a life of luxury by being a famous performer, but that it was helping me with the simple act of being comfortable with other people in daily life.

On the other hand, if someone wants to know the "real you" then one should have an understanding of who they are without all of the masks they wear to "put their best foot forward." Also, others shouldn't be surprised if the "real you" isn't as bright and pretty as the charade.

I have heard that "life is a stage (game), play (act) hard."

 

[Arbor]

It never occurred to me that I might be role playing. I'm glad I can categorize it as such, it'll reduce confusion. Thanks for the positive insight.

It's true that if you're going to play parts, you need to be able to keep your sense and not forget about yourself. I'm always more comfortable when I'm pretending to be someone else, and I was always afraid that it was a symptom of escapism rather than coping. I hope I'm wrong.

Since acting is linked to SA, in my mind, I find it interesting that you enjoy theater. I'm glad that it's helping you.