[greenchair]

Hi,
Do any of you ever get left out or not invited somewhere. At college i just joined a new 'group' and they have all been friends for 3 years, they often have sleepovers or go out to the shops and it just seems that i am left out quite a lot. In past 'groups' i was NEVER left out and invited to virtually everything. Thinking that someone doesn't want me there makes me feel unliked.
Do any of you feel the same?

 

[organicwildroot]

Yeah, for sure. I've been outkast all my life. Maybe these girls just don't know you that well. If they make an attempt to make conversation with you and you really want to be apart of their group then I guess if it were me, I'd make it a point to really get to know them. Try inviting them somewhere.

 

[Anon7]

Don't think about it. There's no point. It will just make you worry and you'll come off as worried to others and it will get even worse.

As long as you stay positive people will want you around. Not fake positive though, just like, laid back.

 

[numero1]

Oh, well theres a description of my life. I am an outcast regardless of everything. When I go play basketball, no one, I repeat, NO ONE, invites me to do anything outside of the gym. It's definitely not like I suck at basketball and others make fun of me for it, but racially at least, I know I don't belong. Just for your information, I live in a predominantly black and hispanic area. When Everyone else in the gym seems like they come there with others and they hang out and talk about lots of things outside the gym. Hell, throughout high school, not a single invite. Wherever I go and even if it looks like I fit in, I still feel like I don't belong.

 

[CoreyCarpenter]

i'm always the third, fifth, or seventh wheel. if i do end up going somewhere its like a bunch of couples then me, which is the worst.

 

[Paper Moon]

Yeah it is a bad feeling. It happend to me last friday... basically I'd spent the day trying to be relatively social (i'd offered to help with an event at work). Well I stayed behind with some of the organizers, while other volunteers left, to make sure everything was put away and everyone had left the auditorium.

When I finally left and walked towards my train station, i walked by the pub and all the other volunteers that had left before me where there having a drink!

I didn't even want to have a drink with them (I was in a hurry to get home, & I don't like two of them), but it would have been nice to have been asked at least!

You jsut have to try and not give a ****... it was bad way to end the week but i knew I'd managed to have other really good interactions so i tried to focus on that instead.

 

[p cdn]

I can't complain about being left out because I always say no to any invitation to go drinking,parties and the like

the only place I feel accepted is playing sports where I'm usually OK at it, but once the game ends, and everyone starts getting ready and deciding on which bar they'll head to for a couple of beers, is when I start making excuses and head back home

 

[thecrow]

I can't complain about being left out because I always say no to any invitation to go drinking,parties and the like

the only place I feel accepted is playing sports where I'm usually OK at it, but once the game ends, and everyone starts getting ready and deciding on which bar they'll head to for have a couple of beers, is when I start making excuses and head back home

That was my exact problem when i was younger in "high school" (college here).

 

[pita]

Yeah. My work 'friends' have been leaving me out of a lot of events these days. It'd be nice if they didn't talk about said events at work while I'm standing right there. I get it; you don't really like me.

 

[Gardener84]

I'm always left out. My family even avoids inviting me to outings. My parents will notify me that they're going out to dinner together, or my brother will go to someplace and invite his friends and other family and leaves me out.

The saddest part is that I've become accustomed to this cloak of invisibility.

 

[Kimaris]

Hi,
Do any of you ever get left out or not invited somewhere. At college i just joined a new 'group' and they have all been friends for 3 years, they often have sleepovers or go out to the shops and it just seems that i am left out quite a lot. In past 'groups' i was NEVER left out and invited to virtually everything. Thinking that someone doesn't want me there makes me feel unliked.
Do any of you feel the same?

This might sound mean or a little bit insensitive but what do you do in the group to merit going out shopping or having sleepovers with them? Just because you feel that you are in a group doesn't mean the others feel the same way. I know I felt the same way when I was trying to make friends last year until i realized that I didn't bring much to the table socially wise. IMHO its never a good idea to feel that you are entitled to receive something without some work.

 

[Northpark]

It's a bad feeling, especially when you feel like it's done purposely. I've had situations where Im sitting at a table with a group and someone comes over and invites everyone there but me. They don't even look at me or sometimes they'll call everyone else by name but not mine. Like they're reinforcing their lack of respect for me.

 

[odd_one_out]

A few years ago I lived among students and was in a long-term relationship with someone at the top of their hierarchy. One day, after I'd been around them many months, I attended a society meeting being held by them at the university where they suddenly decided to give out unofficial awards to the individuals in the group.

I watched as people were given funny or even teasing awards such as "Most likely to [...]" or "Most loud"; things to that effect. They went through the entire group, even awarding immediate newcomers, and left me out completely. While I was happy to not have to feel conspicuous, feeling non-existent isn't exactly savory either.

This was not a one-off occasion; it happened to me often, as it has throughout life. There are too many stories to tell. I knew people in the group for years, but did not make any friends or obtain any contact details.

I am also left out of family occasions. My relationship with them is barely on the level of acquaintanceship. I live like a hermit and have zero social life. I am left out of multiple domains of society.

 

[shadowmask]

I'm always left out. My family even avoids inviting me to outings. My parents will notify me that they're going out to dinner together, or my brother will go to someplace and invite his friends and other family and leaves me out.

The saddest part is that I've become accustomed to this cloak of invisibility.

Same here, my family often acts as if I don't exist. Unfortunately, unlike you, I still haven't become accustomed to it, even after all these years. It hurts me a lot, but I'm not sure what I can do to change it.

 

[mardy423]

In December, my bestfriend invited me to her sisters wedding as her date. So months go by, i went and got some new clothes for it and even started practicing danceing. Well, in March i got a call, i was no longer invited, her sister didnt want me comeing because of my SA and everone in their family would fill ashamed to have someone there that wouldnt be extreamly outgoing, etc. I felt really hurt and betrayed. I havent talked to my friend since. I know how she thinks of me now. It hurts my feelings just thinking about how i was all excited and everything, then the rug got pulled right out from under me.

 

[Syrena]

Always. Not even a choice anymore, I don't get asked.

I will never forget this time I met someone on MSN that I went to grade school with. We were kinda thrilled that we suffered in the same school (Well, I suffered anyway, heh). So, we are talking about meeting up sometime and she keeps insisting she wants to bring her friends with. I keep trying to tell her that I would be a lot more comfortable meeting her alone the first time. It was a public place, so it wasn't like I was going to murder her or anything. Finally, she wears me down and I agree to meet her with her friends and we will go bowling. We meet at a mall, spend like 5 minutes saying hello and such and then she whisks me out to the car to meet her friends. They all seem nice and it's clear she is much more comfortable with them. The ride to the bowling alley is awkward and I listen to them talk.
When we get there, I ask to sit out the first game and watch. It's been forever since I bowled. After the one game, they decide they're tired of bowling and we head back to the mall. Right as we walk in, she tells me that she can't stay until 5 like she thought, and she will have to leave in like 20 or so minutes. Great, my ride won't be there to pick me up until 5..
At this point, I am following her around as she shops for clothes and asks one of her friends for advice. This is not my favorite sort of stuff to shop for and it was all a bit random. One of her friends sees my pain and he tells me he is sorry about all this. Nice guy. Finally, I figure she will sit down with me as we head to Barnes & Noble, as they have a cafe type area. To my unhappy surprise, she runs into a girl working there who is an ex of hers and she spends the last 15 or so minutes of her time chatting with her. I just sit down on the floor a little ways off and I struggle not to cry. She says goodbye and they all leave and I retreat to the bathroom to cry alone. It was just so depressing to make this effort to come out and meet someone and they barely notice you exist.

 

[EagerMinnow84]

In December, my bestfriend invited me to her sisters wedding as her date. So months go by, i went and got some new clothes for it and even started practicing danceing. Well, in March i got a call, i was no longer invited, her sister didnt want me comeing because of my SA and everone in their family would fill ashamed to have someone there that wouldnt be extreamly outgoing, etc. I felt really hurt and betrayed. I havent talked to my friend since. I know how she thinks of me now. It hurts my feelings just thinking about how i was all excited and everything, then the rug got pulled right out from under me.

That's terrible. Uninviting someone to a wedding, to anything, is really low and classless.

 

[Pelicanbay]

i know the feeling but you know what im doing? this weekend, im planning a reunion of sorts with lots of coworkers from this 1 place i worked at for a year and a half.

im making the reservations, emailing and doing the calls....keeping ppl updated lol

 

[somethinglost]

Yes, it sucks. Especially when my "friends" make plans that actually sound fun while I'm standing there.

 

[numero1]

Hi,
Do any of you ever get left out or not invited somewhere. At college i just joined a new 'group' and they have all been friends for 3 years, they often have sleepovers or go out to the shops and it just seems that i am left out quite a lot. In past 'groups' i was NEVER left out and invited to virtually everything. Thinking that someone doesn't want me there makes me feel unliked.
Do any of you feel the same?

You're in a bad position. I was never invited anywhere and in fact still am not.