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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I woke up crying over this whole ordeal and I'm not allowing myself to go back to sleep for the night. I'm really scared that this could get worse. Here's what happened an hour ago:

I was sleeping and having this dream. I can't recall it too well, as I usually can't, but it featured me and possibly 7 other people. We were all human, but not completely so... maybe like 95% so. I am a girl in real life, but in the dream, I was one of them, a stronger, bulkier man, all of us about the same size. We were in two lines facing each other - 4 of my men on the left line, and the bad guy leading the line of 3 more men from my group facing us on the right side. The bad guy had a name, Nick. After the dream, I make note of the fact that the only Nick that comes to mind at all is that it is the name of the street I live off of (sort of, it isn't the street name in my address though. *name changed for privacy because I do have my city listed here). At least, I think Nick was the bad guy. Maybe me and my team were... but I think it was Nick. (But then again, isn't good and bad subjective?) He and I started fighting solo, and I forget the details, but I wake up noticing that I am kicking in real life while I am kicking in the dream to defend myself from him. I apologize to my boyfriend for waking him up and kicking him once in the leg, and go back to sleep. The dream picks back up, and while I forget the details once again, I wake up to scratching my boyfriend on the chest, just under his neck. I apologize, then start to freak out about what I've been doing in my sleep. He comforts me and I'm just crying because I hurt him, and I don't want to hurt him anymore, and then I think what if something else was in reach? Or, I've never sleepwalked before, but what if I start now? And I started thinking about Paranormal Activity, how it was reminding me of that. I got worried about the fact that I attacked him on his chest exactly where I wanted to while sleeping, meaning that I could do that again if I grabbed something, but he told me that my hand was already there before I scratched. He also said I scratched a time before that that I didn't even realize. But neither broke skin, thankfully. The only thing that worries him is that since I related it to Paranormal Activity, what if my subconscious makes me continue to make it worse. I think of the dream as something like as if an alarm clock goes off and you just incorporate it into your dream, which is likely all it is... just I was having a nightmare and he was there in reach. I really hope it never happens again, and hopefully this next part is completely unrelated, but...

Part two of this is, once I had mostly calmed down, he went to the bathroom. While he was gone, I had another of my urges... being reminded of Paranormal Activity (and this is before he had mentioned his thought about this). For as long as I can remember, meaning at least high school (and I'm 24), I've had brief, bad urges. A craving, you could say. For example, once while riding in the car with a boyfriend of the time, I wanted to just shift the car into park while he's driving (if, you know, you could). Or in class, I've had many urges to just stand up and scream, not out of stress, but just to interrupt the class, or to do something else stupid but not harmful. Or things have been harmful, like I've had the thought twice to choke my cat, and I would never, ever, ever do such a thing. I love my cat so much and I'm one of those people who's more horrified by animal cruelty than against a human adult. And after my boyfriend left the room, I felt this need to follow him and hit him with something.

These urges don't last long... 10 seconds at most, usually 5. But it terrifies me that they're there, and that they are open to violence now. In normal life, I am so absolutely harmless that I apologize before killing a fruit fly. And any bug that I can, I just put it outside. I've done it to a soldier ant before. And now there are these awful urges? And now this dream + attack? What do I make of this?

Thanks for reading. I feel a bit better getting it out in writing, at least.
 

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Part two of this is, once I had mostly calmed down, he went to the bathroom. While he was gone, I had another of my urges... being reminded of Paranormal Activity (and this is before he had mentioned his thought about this). For as long as I can remember, meaning at least high school (and I'm 24), I've had brief, bad urges. A craving, you could say. For example, once while riding in the car with a boyfriend of the time, I wanted to just shift the car into park while he's driving (if, you know, you could). Or in class, I've had many urges to just stand up and scream, not out of stress, but just to interrupt the class, or to do something else stupid but not harmful. Or things have been harmful, like I've had the thought twice to choke my cat, and I would never, ever, ever do such a thing. I love my cat so much and I'm one of those people who's more horrified by animal cruelty than against a human adult.
THAT right there is completely normal, everyone gets those feelings. I get them all the time.
I told my therapist about what you just wrote and that's what he told me. He said he does those things all the time, like when hes in church he gets a huge craving to just scream out a swear word.
I've had violent thoughts too btw.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
That's great to know... one thing to check off the "possibly crazy" list! Reading the wikipedia article has helped me to realize that when it happens, I should just accept that it's normal, means nothing, and to not suffer from anxiety over it. Thanks! :)
 

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I have had some of those thoughts... like when I'm driving and people are crossing the street, I have to slow down or stop. I have the urge to (and imagine/fantasize about) hit them. Even though they are hurrying along and did nothing wrong. I have a lot of those intrusive thoughts while driving :con
 

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You have OCD, in fact OCD is a form of anxiety.

Intrusive thoughts are a major part of OCD (compulsive thinking), they aren't really urges believe me they're just simple thoughts that come out of nowhere but your subconscious mind. OCD can get really disturbing at some point... I had the urge to kill someone and that made me feel like crap (I knew I wouldn't kill somebody but there was still that thought)
 

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You have OCD, in fact OCD is a form of anxiety.

Intrusive thoughts are a major part of OCD (compulsive thinking), they aren't really urges believe me they're just simple thoughts that come out of nowhere but your subconscious mind. OCD can get really disturbing at some point... I had the urge to kill someone and that made me feel like crap (I knew I wouldn't kill somebody but there was still that thought)
You can't just say 'you have OCD'... My internet diagnosis is = you have lymphoma and lupus, and you have about 3 days left to live.
 

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You can't just say 'you have OCD'... My internet diagnosis is = you have lymphoma and lupus, and you have about 3 days left to live.
where did you get that diagnosis from?

I guess you need a professional diagnosis in order to really trust it.
 
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