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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Part deux:

The hot dog vendor gives the Buddhist his hot dog. The Buddhist asks, "Where's my change?"

The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

Did you hear about the short fortune-teller who escaped from prison? Police are warning there's a small medium at large.

It's tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
 

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This gotta be the funniest thread on sas imo.
It makes me question my sense of humor...

"I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a mussel."

"I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach
the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'"

"Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball."
 

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Nice thread Ready To Freak Out, I'm not even ashamed to say I laughed at every joke so far. I'm like a kid.

My dad thinks he's a doctor he keeps telling me to stop playing with his patience.
A cocky man walked into the lavatory and said this: 'Dear mr. toilet, I'm the S***'.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

1000 pairs of underwear were stolen, police were making a brief enquiry.

What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married? Can't elope.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

And a long one:

Leonard Bernstein was directing the New York Symphony for a special outdoor concert in Central Park of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. He was worried about the open air acoustics, so he hired three extra bass players, just to play a soft passage in the last movement. The musicians had nothing to do until their part came up, so they sneaked away to a Tavern and were drinking, while listening to the music. The wind began to blow the sheet music around. so the musicians took extra violin strings and lashed it to the stands. The bass players heard the last movement began and hurried back to the orchestra. They so drunk and clumsy that they bumped into the other players and knocked over chairs.
There he was, in the bottom of the ninth, the score tied and the basses loaded...
 

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Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they wished to portray, as long as they were famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," replied Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segall. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, turning to Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

Arnold in a slow deliberate voice replied, "I'll be Bach."
 

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Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they wished to portray, as long as they were famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," replied Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segall. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, turning to Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

Arnold in a slow deliberate voice replied, "I'll be Bach."
lol! -.-"
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...


They had a vote to decide on a theory to replace continental drift.
Plate Tectonics won by a land slide.

My Father was a brick layer before he was sent to prison; to this day he still isn't a free mason.
 

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Wow. I love this thread so far . lol these are fun!
 
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