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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For people who I talk to frequently, or who try to get close to me, I usually eventually explain my anxiety issues or some shortened version of explanation, to make sure they understand my motivations for doing certain things and to not take offense to things I may do.

However, I don't explain it to everybody, because I don't want info like that getting around, so I would never tell my classmates even if I started trying to hang out with them, or even more distant family members don't get to know that.

So, without explaining that I have issues, how can I avoid offending people? Like,
-when I don't want to be touched/move away from touch/won't shake hands
-when I become quiet and nonresponsive in a conversation
-when I bail on plans last minute
-when I don't answer a text
etc.

What would you normally say to get around these things? I don't want to create some web of lies for each thing I do.
 

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:cool:The more you avoid social demanding situations the more worse it becomes toxic to you.
So just dont avoid it
Say to yourself that you are not SA person
 

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♎ Mackinac Island Fanatic
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-when I don't want to be touched/move away from touch/won't shake hands

"I'm sorry, I'm not a very touchy-feely person." (Make sure to say it with a smile if possible so it's like a half-joke.)

-when I become quiet and nonresponsive in a conversation

"I'm sorry, I couldn't think of anything to say" or "I don't know too much about this subject" or "I was so busy/enjoying just listening."

-when I bail on plans last minute
-when I don't answer a text

"I'm sorry, something came up/I was too busy/I wasn't feeling well/I didn't really feel up to doing _____, maybe some other time?"

...Though for at least those last two, I'd strongly suggest just being honest, and saying, "I'm sorry, I tend to get anxious sometimes and flake out on things, but I'm working on it." You needn't go into detail. :/
 

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Try to be at least half honest about it? :stu

Not saying anything will make you look like a *****. Saying exaggerate lies will make you look like a liar. They will think you are taking them for idiots.

Tehuti's advices are ok, but on the first one, you might be seen as stuck up. Maybe instead of shaking hands you can just greet the person. Work on your body language on that one, maybe.

But in the end, as irshad said, you are just trying to learn new lies so you can stay in your avoidant behaviour. Which will solve nothing, but maybe make you feel slightly less guilty.
 

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hermit
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-when I don't want to be touched/move away from touch/won't shake hands
"Sorry, I don't like being touched." - Saying the obvious doesn't give much away and they will accept it. Most don't have anything to say about it.

-when I become quiet and nonresponsive in a conversation
I'm sure they'll understand that! I do that a lot and people label me as "shy" which I don't have a problem with. You don't have to explain yourself, but if you believe you should, you can say you didn't understand it or you were busy to reply to it.

-when I bail on plans last minute
Apologizing works. It's normal, sometimes it happens.

-when I don't answer a text
Get back to them a later time and figure out how to respond to it, or say you were busy or just tell them the truth.
 

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Dragonic Archon
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Maybe for a different reason, but I hate offending people I like too lol. I mean I find the whole thing funny a lot, and that is exactly what I, dare I say, fear? Everything is a joke to me, life in general and almost every aspect of it, is stupid lol, and I am cynical to hell. Yet around people I care for, I try to hold my tongue or censor myself and be "nice", since I don't want to hurt their feelings. Which in the end makes me miserable lol, so I just avoid people I like ~_~ which makes no sense at all but oh well haha.
 

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Moving Towards Destiny
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I try to suggest something that is not painfully true but will hopefully defuse any awkward situation. I will not tell them openly that I have social anxiety issues because that conjures up mental illness in their minds and then you are labeled as someone with a mental illness so I sometimes will lessen the severity of my SA by saying something like "oh, I am just on the shy side" or " I am not a big socializer". That way it seems like it is not a big deal and they will hopefully not put you in the "looney" category.

It is hard to do, because it is often obvious to them that we have SA and all but impossible to hide. I have been fighting that all my life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
...Though for at least those last two, I'd strongly suggest just being honest, and saying, "I'm sorry, I tend to get anxious sometimes and flake out on things, but I'm working on it." You needn't go into detail. :/
Thanks. I'm really trying to avoid telling anyone I have anxiety though. The moment people hear those words they treat me differently.
 

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Moving Towards Destiny
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Thanks. I'm really trying to avoid telling anyone I have anxiety though. The moment people hear those words they treat me differently.
Yes they definitely will.
I have done that too; telling a couple of people about my extreme SA and I was never treated the same since. When you are labeled with a severe mental illness, people will avoid you like the plague all too often. There are some good understanding and patient people who will not judge you harshly but probably most people will start to avoid you. It is frustrating because you want to tell someone to be open and honest, but you get the cold shoulder or even verbally abused.
 
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