Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

Which path would you take?

  • Lose 25 lbs, and find a relationship, then work on school (at my own pace).

    Votes: 9 36.0%
  • Take meds for depression, and focus on school.

    Votes: 16 64.0%
1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Fallen angel
Joined
·
684 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I have made a thread on this before, except with the "career or relationship first" question. I always thought of relationships as "going to the casino" because you are gambling and you may win or lose, but a career is more of a garanteed thing since you put the work into it, you get what you want, garanteed. But it's just so hard to not be in a relationship, being single, well it's been this way for awhile and we all go through it. But that doesnt mean it's EASY at all. All my friends are in relationships.

I know a couple guys that seriously searched and travelled until they found a relationship, ending up being 30 before they got married and stuff. But I've been in a spiral for awhile I guess and I cannot find the motivation to do either one, which is either work out until i build enough confidence to ask someone out or just focus on school work which is at my own pace, and free, but is painful to focus on with all the depression. Afterall, a career will last 30 years, so delaying it by 4 months would be bad?.
 

·
Fallen angel
Joined
·
684 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I would say career/school first, relationship second. You have full control over your career/school, whereas you don't with relationships. Besides, it's more attractive when someone has their s*** together lol.
True, it's like after high school that is the new addition of most commonly asked thing by men or women when looking for relationships. Despite that, I've seen people still go for relationships first, and it just seems like a casino to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,433 Posts
Why do we have to choose? Most people I know worked on school while having relationships. Many got married when they graduated college. I met my husband because he was helping me with my java homework. My sister had 3 boyfriends through college including one she had plans to marry the spring she graduated but she called it off a few months short and was dating someone else by the time she moved back here. Same with career. I don't know anyone that puts them in order. Relationships just happen while working on other things. Those that don't meet someone in college usually meet someone when they start a new job. Provided it's a healthy relationship and you aren't trying to hold on to something you shouldn't relationships really aren't that much work. If it's right then it just happens while you live the rest of your life without taking much effort or stopping you from accomplishing other things. If it's not right then it starts to interfere with things and you know it's a bad relationship.
 

·
B 2 Lonely
Joined
·
1,077 Posts
school will pay off in a larger way than relationship - you can earn money to finance and stabilize yourself in the long run/future. then you can worry about getting a companion to share time with.
 

·
Fallen angel
Joined
·
684 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Why do we have to choose? Most people I know worked on school while having relationships. Many got married when they graduated college. I met my husband because he was helping me with my java homework. My sister had 3 boyfriends through college including one she had plans to marry the spring she graduated but she called it off a few months short and was dating someone else by the time she moved back here. Same with career. I don't know anyone that puts them in order. Relationships just happen while working on other things. Those that don't meet someone in college usually meet someone when they start a new job. Provided it's a healthy relationship and you aren't trying to hold on to something you shouldn't relationships really aren't that much work. If it's right then it just happens while you live the rest of your life without taking much effort or stopping you from accomplishing other things. If it's not right then it starts to interfere with things and you know it's a bad relationship.
Yeah it just seems natural that people automatically focus on their careers if they are still single, it's never timed. Then again I think some people specifically try to time it by going out to bars/supermarkets/etc to meet someone specifically to get into relationships

school will pay off in a larger way than relationship - you can earn money to finance and stabilize yourself in the long run/future. then you can worry about getting a companion to share time with.
True, but its the depression of not being in a relationship that slows my motivation for doing school work. That's basically the main problem, im not even on meds right now, maybe I should be. The sollution if not found tommorow, will be a few months from now from not doing anything, not that its being done deliberately.
 

·
hhmm ...
Joined
·
710 Posts
People can end up being homeless if they dont get careers at a certain age, they will be looked down at by other people, and when they have a career but not married, they will be looked at differently as well. Either one, I'll be screwed.
 

·
Fallen angel
Joined
·
684 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
People can end up being homeless if they dont get careers at a certain age, they will be looked down at by other people, and when they have a career but not married, they will be looked at differently as well. Either one, I'll be screwed.
Vice versa. I look at it in a way that if I don't get anything done then I'll see how much time I've wasted down the road. That's how I achieved walking into the alternative school and graduating, i delayed that by 3-4 years because i was afraid of being around younger teenagers. But after the time was wasted I just walked in and finished my grade 12 in 4 months. Your wasting your time, if it is wasted by lengths of time exceeding the time it should take to finish it from the start, if your not doing anything at all.

Since I know someone else out there with S.A. has aimed towards relationships first I know that it's okay to do things like that, maybe. But I'm not sure what I'll do yet.. I am still doing things to remain productive though.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,641 Posts
School comes first. At least your career can't walk out on you. Besides, if you don't focus on school, finding a good career becomes a lot more difficult which means you could end up dependent on your significant other, and that's never good. And besides, everything worth doing in life depends on how much money you have.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,139 Posts
School comes first. At least your career can't walk out on you. Besides, if you don't focus on school, finding a good career becomes a lot more difficult which means you could end up dependent on your significant other, and that's never good. And besides, everything worth doing in life depends on how much money you have.
Sorry, there is a lot wrong with that.

Relationships and your health should come first. School and work will always be there.

And a lot of things in life that you do have nothing to do with how much money you have. And if your attitude towards your own life and others is based on how much money they are worth, it is pretty sad.

And you will be much happier if you have a significant other and are broke than if you have a job and are single. (Have a plan B of volunteering for the Red Cross or something if you want to keep busy)
 

·
Gentle Impulsion
Joined
·
7,792 Posts
I would much rather take things slowly. You can live 1,000 years without actually living if you just run through it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,641 Posts
Sorry, there is a lot wrong with that.

Relationships and your health should come first. School and work will always be there.

And a lot of things in life that you do have nothing to do with how much money you have. And if your attitude towards your own life and others is based on how much money they are worth, it is pretty sad.

And you will be much happier if you have a significant other and are broke than if you have a job and are single. (Have a plan B of volunteering for the Red Cross or something if you want to keep busy)
Well, I guess I get where you're coming from. It's just that a lot of my life has been realizing that I couldn't do this or that because money was tight. I don't want to have to live like that anymore. I want to be able to provide for myself.

And I would never base the worth of other people or myself on how much money they have. I never wrote anything like that...

Yeah, I suppose I would be happy with my significant other. But I really don't know if I could be truly happy without a decent career. I'm a pretty ambitious and competitive person. And I do base part of my own worth on where I get in life. Meaning, finding myself a successful career is actually really important. And it always has been. I have to have made an imprint on the world in one way or another. That's just who I am.

But anyways, to each their own I guess. :)
 

·
resident classicist
Joined
·
4,408 Posts
Romantic comedies aren't reality. You don't have to schedule romance or deal with being forever alone. In fact, setting up a goal of being in a relationship where it's got priority over everything sounds like a recipe for total disaster. It's not like buying a pet where it'll be there until it dies, the relationship can end at any moment with absolutely no warning or desire for your input.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,505 Posts
I think it's way easier to meet a girl in school than outside it personally. Lets see, there are tons of young single girls all around, you can make easy small talk about class, you are forced to interact during group projects, there are tons of social groups you can join to meet girls, there are usually parties going on somewhere where you can meet girls, you can join a study group and interact with girls, etc. I also fail to see why it would have to be one or the other. I and most people I know met their gfs/bfs in school. My gf knows school for me has priority over her in most cases as well, so that's not an issue.

This all sounds to me like the excuses I made to avoid dating in the first place. "Well, what kind of girl would be interested in me if I don't have a license," "I have a license, but I need my own car before I can date," "I may have a car, but I need a job," "I have a job, but now I just don't have the time to commit," "I now don't work, but I have classes, and I can't afford to let my grades slip," "my grades are fine and I have spare time, but it's hard to ask a girl out...."
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
961 Posts
Relationships and your health should come first. School and work will always be there.

And a lot of things in life that you do have nothing to do with how much money you have. And if your attitude towards your own life and others is based on how much money they are worth, it is pretty sad.

And you will be much happier if you have a significant other and are broke than if you have a job and are single. (Have a plan B of volunteering for the Red Cross or something if you want to keep busy)
most people are only interested in money/sex/power.

getting a good job will give you a bit of 1 and 3. = more frends/relationships

maybe that's very cynical, but thats been my experience with people...
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Top