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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
There is this girl at my work I'm crazy about. We both work there about a half year. I have no idea if she likes me though. But I've decided that doesn't even matter. I must make it my goal to actually ask her out. Even if she says no just asking her out is the goal here. I need to get over this shy business. I'm 30 for pete's sake.

Edit: I don't know what I was thinking. She never showed any interest in me in that way. Who am I kidding. Who would ever want me. I probebly should just forget about it. I regret making this thread for it reminds me of my failure of a life. I wonder how many years I can manage without doing something drastic.
 

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Edit: I don't know what I was thinking. She never showed any interest in me in that way. Who am I kidding. Who would ever want me. I probebly should just forget about it. I regret making this thread for it reminds me of my failure of a life. I wonder how many years I can manage without doing something drastic.
Hey man, i guess that means it diddn't go well? It's okay, i've (and i'm sure many others on this forum) have been through the same thing...our minds tend to overexaggerate someone's actions and interperet them as showing some sort of affection towards us, and that gives us confidence. At least i know that that happened to me. So that when we ask this person out and she/he rejects us, we feel horrible afterward...ya i've definitely been there. The bad feelings do pass after awhile, it just takes a long time. Hang in there!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I never asked. I just merely observered. What I meant was that she doesn't actually act like she likes me. In fact she talks more with other people than with me, if at all. I'm fine now though I was very depressed when I made that edit. Sometimes I wonder if I am bi-polar the way my moods shifts from very happy to very sad to neutral. (Not that I actually think I may be bi-polar.)

I might ask her out regardless. But I shouldn't expect her to even like me let alone date with me. I'm not very interesting and I lack ambition for the most part. Big turn offs. I should work on that.

For now I'm going to enjoy my week off.
 

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Get out there and try to get 3 "No's" any way, and with any question you'd like - You'll be surprised at the results of this. This could be as simple as asking for a free meal at a restaurant just because you feel it's deserved. If you get a no, what and who will you ask for your other 2 "no's"? Turn it into a game, and have fun with it.
 

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There is this girl at my work I'm crazy about. We both work there about a half year. I have no idea if she likes me though. But I've decided that doesn't even matter. I must make it my goal to actually ask her out. Even if she says no just asking her out is the goal here. I need to get over this shy business. I'm 30 for pete's sake.

Edit: I don't know what I was thinking. She never showed any interest in me in that way. Who am I kidding. Who would ever want me. I probebly should just forget about it. I regret making this thread for it reminds me of my failure of a life. I wonder how many years I can manage without doing something drastic.
What's with the EDIT?

Make it easier and just ask her to join you for lunch early in the day & tell her you'll drive (that way she doesn't invite others). If you don't have a car then pick somewhere that takes a few minutes to walk to and use that as an excuse that it'll give you both a work breather and a chance to chat.

The point is, simply do something with her one-on-one that only lasts a little while with no pressure and no "date" context and isn't a huge amount of time. Then simply talk to her a bit and try to learn enough about her to find a commonality you have with her. Then go back to work and LET IT GO for a while, a day or so. That will give your mind time to dwell on your commonalities and find something you can do together after work that is related. Don't refer to it as a date, you're just suggesting something to do that you both can relate to.

If she goes for it, great. If she doesn't, you've lost nothing except a fantasy.

If she goes for it, while on this non-date, find even more things about her that you can relate to. Commonalities. Don't make this event last too long either, just go with it and when it ends it ends and you tell her you had a fun time hanging out with her.

From there, THEN you can begin to think about asking her on a proper "date". That's when you wait a day or so, call her up (DON'T do this at work, call her up). If you get her voicemail, just leave a short "Seems I didn't catch you at a good time, I'll try again another time." If you get her, start with some chit-chat and tell her that you want to take her out somewhere and it would make you happy if she says yes. If she says yes, mission accomplished. If she says no, you've lost nothing you didn't have before except your fantasy.

If she says yes, be the man and plan a decent place to take her too that is nice but won't bust your wallet. Forget about things to relate to her with and just be a good guy talking to her and laughing and showing your personality. Somewhere in there, maybe halfway through, tell her you're glad she came out with you and you hope she'd like to go out again soon.

Don't make it any more complicated than the above & you'll do perfectly fine.
 

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Good luck, you have to do it! You owe it to yourself for having so much self-doubt, turn the spiral around and envisage the girl saying yes.
It's only your opinion of you, I'm sure her opinion of you is more than different.
 

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I've got a similar dilemma, out of the blue the girl I like has broken up with her boyfriend in the past couple of days. My mate/colleage said she called me 'cute' the other week which is probably the word I dread most as I have no idea whether that's good or bad but I feel I just have to take this chance just to find out either way. Problem is that I won't see her for over a week and don't know whether to find some sort of way to start a conversation on facebook.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Update: I'm full of ****, a coward, and I wish I never made this thread. If she ever was interested I've probebly turned her off just by not being assertive for a to long of a period.

Thanks for the advice VanGogh. The edit was just me being insecure as always. I can't help it. I was depressed when I was typing that. Also with the edit I tried avoided bumping the thread. It's silly but it's the truth.

Actually I've talked already a lot with her. I don't have a car and I ride to work on a bike. (Bike country so not unusual.) And when we have the same shift we ride together. Though I'm pretty much silent, as always, we do talk a bit. She even talked about serious family matters. I don't know if I'm reading to much into it but I think that means she at least trusts me. I have no idea what we could do together though.

Still feel like a giant idiot that this is an issue for me. I really have a hard time accepting that girls could actually like me. I guess that's because I don't like myself much.

My mate/colleage said she called me 'cute' the other week which is probably the word I dread most as I have no idea whether that's good or bad but I feel I just have to take this chance just to find out either way.
Cute is good as far as I can tell.
 

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Hey guys. I just registered so I could post here. Sleeping Dragon I really want to help you because I believe our mental issues are the same for the most part (I creeped your posts muwhahah).

As for the girl I noticed you are doing what I always did, which is jumping to conclusions. The first one to notice for this point is you still have not talked to her about wether she likes you. (Perfect line for that is : "Am I mistaken or do we have something going on between us?"*grin*).

Secondly I will add things that have helped me over the years. Now for the next part...Relaxing. I mention this as not in relaxing your muscles but emotions so you can think clearly. (side note find what emotion you generally are in and notice how it "tints" your views on experiences) The way I do this is preventative measures since once I am deep in an emotional response I normally have lost control. AAND the way I do this is by imagining two of myself as if I were twins. One Dares and observes and the other acts and experiences. I find this lets me pull of feeling odd and grinning at the same time. (e.g. I was in the army at one point and my platoon was getting reprimanded and doing 100's of squats everyone was wincing exept me who had a grin from ear to ear. **btw this all happened cause a troop got busted flipping a seargant the bird** The staff noticed me and asked why was I grinning and did i think the situation was funny and I honestly told them "Searg, In all honesty I cant stop thinking of if I had been walking by and seen this situation unfold I would find it funny" Needless too say I had to do push-ups for that comment but none the less you get an idea of what to do :D)

3. Polarized thinking. This is black or white thinking. In relation to your situation is your co-worker either likes you or she does not. Reality is women communicate via several pathways (E.g. verbal, physical, emotional, mental ***if you want I can expand on these another time.) Now what guys have a habbit of (Reference hunter-gathering time) is looking at all these pathways to communicate and looking at them seperately and paying attention to the most favorable one, a kink in her attraction-defense armor per say, (Reference Hunting via looking for vulnerabilities) and only focus on that one communication and act on it. Ideally what you should do is pay attention to EVERYTHING she is saying AND doing and then make a decision off all of the communications... do you see why when you break down communication at this level it is WAY MORE concise to just ask her to tell you what she thinks because to figure out what is actually going on in a persons brain without any of their input is too risky to consider that information anything to act off of? Took me forever to grasp that I hope you do better.





Lastly The reason I posted in that order was because I see your emotions already tint your views on your coworker. At first you were happy and focused on a communication path of her liking you. But the longer you waited the more you got nervous lost your happiness tint and saw her reacting with other guys and comparing probably her best reactions to them to her worst reactions to you (e.g she doesnt smile at them when she talks but is touchy and you focus on the touchiness wherass she is smiley with you and doesnt touch you and you think about how unfair that is.) Once you decided that she must not like you you became sad and focused on pathways of her not liking you and ignored the others. Honestly that is a normal situation when you try to figure it out for yourself.



P.s. general rule for me now is try not to make up my mind about another person views on anything without asking for their input about it first.... and if people cant tell their emotions on their own (e.g wether i like someone or not) how can you figure that out before them?


P.P.S. I look forward to any input that you or anyone else that reads this would have that have helped you in the past, thanks.




Kind Regards,

Birhan
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Hi Birhan, that is one well thought out post you made there. Thanks I really appreciate the thought you have put in this thread.

I actually came back to this thread because... well my failure. Still haven't acted. If she ever had feelings for me in the slightest she probebly isn't interested anymore because of my inaptitude or inactivity. I now just try to be myself around her and others and just not caring about what they might think of me. So far I've became more social at the work place. But than again I've always had problems socially outside of work. At work I have something in common with them. The work. So if all fails I can just talk about how busy or not it is, to start with. I digress.

3. Polarized thinking. This is black or white thinking. In relation to your situation is your co-worker either likes you or she does not. Reality is women communicate via several pathways (E.g. verbal, physical, emotional, mental ***if you want I can expand on these another time.) Now what guys have a habbit of (Reference hunter-gathering time) is looking at all these pathways to communicate and looking at them seperately and paying attention to the most favorable one, a kink in her attraction-defense armor per say, (Reference Hunting via looking for vulnerabilities) and only focus on that one communication and act on it. Ideally what you should do is pay attention to EVERYTHING she is saying AND doing and then make a decision off all of the communications... do you see why when you break down communication at this level it is WAY MORE concise to just ask her to tell you what she thinks because to figure out what is actually going on in a persons brain without any of their input is too risky to consider that information anything to act off of? Took me forever to grasp that I hope you do better.
But I do pay attention to everything. With everybody by the way. I see everything. But granted I often interpret things wrong or misjudge people, I learned this the past years

My guess is because of my total lack of experience I just can't see romantic hints in social behavior. I don't know how to recognize it. Just a theory.

I'm not sure how to 'break down communication' at 'this level' and if I was already doing that or not.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I finally did it. I asked her out. In my own stumbling way. I'm confused if she wants to or not. My first instinct says she's not interested. I was like: "Question... would you like to drink something with me sometime?" And she was like: "Drink?" While I didn't refer to alcohol necessarily she might have thought it. And she doesn't drink much. Very little at best. I didn't asked her number. I didn't follow up. I just asked. She said something along the line that she will she if she can. I am sure that means she isn't interested.

I was at a her bithday party that was just for collegues. That I was invited was a shock for me. Dinner was included so I daired - and this was something I praise myself for - to ask her to help out. So it was just me and her. And we actually talked and I thought it went well and we have much in common.

Then when the evening ended and we were just with three. And she said she was thinking about something very hard. But she wouldn't say why when the other guy asked about it. And I wonder if it's about me asking her out. I wonder.

But what should I do now? Should I remind her about me asking her? Should I just wait and let her make a move now? I'm so confused. I like her more than ever now. She's the best. Not just looks. I like her. The more I learn about her the more I like her.

I'm afraid I'm not handsome enough. That's the first thing that comes to mind. But maybe I'm just being insecure again.

It's scary to take risks. But it's the first time I put myself out there. So even if she is not interested I am sure I will feel great after a while. I'm changing. I'm finally changing.
 
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