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I use this bio for threads that I make on here:
"I have been suffering moderate/severe shyness in general since I was a child, but I'm pretty sure that it turned into social anxiety in high school. Basically, I had very few friends and I was criticized a lot. I'm 18 now, I didn't join a university yet (it doesn't have to do with social anxiety)."

Well, I live in a small country (Qatar قطر) and I have certain school friends that are generally considered to be 'losers', while I'm not. I'm not trying to offend them but I'm being honest. Anyways, I enjoy their company, but I specifically avoid outings to public places and stuff where I can be seen by other classmates because I'm ashamed to be seen with my friends. I really hate myself for this. I mean I can easily say 'why should I care about other people? those are my friends and I should enjoy their company?' Well, I think that's true and I CAN coat myself with that mentality but really let's face it:
if people see me with losers they will think bad of me...
It's reality, even though I hate myself for it and I know that my friends deserve better than me.
Should I just give in and get myself seen with my friends normally and accept that a lot of people will think worse of me, or should I try to maintain my outer look?
I mean, simply not caring about what others think will just give me a harder time when interacting with those people.
again I hate myself for this :( so feel free to criticze me and call me a stupid person
 

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I use this bio for threads that I make on here:
"I have been suffering moderate/severe shyness in general since I was a child, but I'm pretty sure that it turned into social anxiety in high school. Basically, I had very few friends and I was criticized a lot. I'm 18 now, I didn't join a university yet (it doesn't have to do with social anxiety)."

Well, I live in a small country (Qatar قطر) and I have certain school friends that are generally considered to be 'losers', while I'm not. I'm not trying to offend them but I'm being honest. Anyways, I enjoy their company, but I specifically avoid outings to public places and stuff where I can be seen by other classmates because I'm ashamed to be seen with my friends. I really hate myself for this. I mean I can easily say 'why should I care about other people? those are my friends and I should enjoy their company?' Well, I think that's true and I CAN coat myself with that mentality but really let's face it:
if people see me with losers they will think bad of me...
It's reality, even though I hate myself for it and I know that my friends deserve better than me.
Should I just give in and get myself seen with my friends normally and accept that a lot of people will think worse of me, or should I try to maintain my outer look?
I mean, simply not caring about what others think will just give me a harder time when interacting with those people.
again I hate myself for this :( so feel free to criticze me and call me a stupid person
you are the company you keep. if you say your friends are losers then so are you , people are on the same level as the people they spend their time with

if you are above these people then why dont you hang out with people that are on the same peircived level as yourself
 

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Do you like these "friends" who you are ashamed to be seen with? If so, then make your own decision whether or not you want to remain friends with them. Don't let other people decide for you. The key is to think for yourself. Believe me, in the end, you will be alot happier.:yes
 

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I used to be the same way... I was ashamed to be seen with some of my "friends", because I perceived them to be even bigger losers than I was.
Today, they're more popular and better adjusted than me, none of them have social anxiety, and I'm still the same loser I always was.

This is just my experience though.
I'd say if you get along with your friends and enjoy their company... hold on to that because it's rare.
 

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I understand what you mean. I've had friends before that I knew that others didn't like or avoided because they saw them as "annoying," "weird," or a "loser." But these friends liked me and accepted me and I knew that I could see things in them that others didn't. These friends were my true friends and so I tried to not let myself be bothered by what others thought. I also knew that if I abandoned them to hang out with the "cooler" kids, then I'd probably just end up without any true friends and I'd hate myself for abandoning my only real friends just because they were different.
 

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I know what you mean, surprisingly, because I was always considered a loser. But when I moved around a lot, the first people who'd come up to me were the people who'd generally do hella embarrassing things in public and wouldn't give a hoot about who watches them or not. I respect them if that's how they achieve happiness, but truthfully, I can't be around those people simply because I don't feel comfortable even being myself around them. And if that's the case, that's when you realize they may not be really the friends who call to you.

Let me give you an example. I had a friend who moved the same year I did. We rode the bus together, so afterward, we'd wait 30 minutes till class began. We started talking because we both sat alone, and sometimes she'd be really fun to talk to, but other times she'd do embarrassing things like throw her hands in the air or talk really loud or something that would, for some reason, make me really uncomfortable. Even when we were alone, I could still get into a generic conversation but not feel as though we could be best friends or anything. She found a group of friends eventually, something which I never really found in my two years of high school in that town, but I didn't hang out with them due to the fact that I couldn't find a personality click between either of us. If you feel happy around your friends and if they are the people you feel most like yourself around, then don't leave them. It's not worth leaving them for a perception. Ever since I came to college, I realized everybody is a loser who tries too hard to be people they are not to please other people. Even the people who are seemingly popular and pretty do stupid things to buy wasteful attention, you realize how naive and ignorant people are if you peel the layers apart. I have a friend who a lot of girls really like, who's a really big player and all that, but when you talk to him, you realize he's just a plain old guy that gets himself into a lot of dumb, embarrassing situations just like somebody perceived as a loser would. It may very well be that the people you think are "cooler" do things that are, in essence, not cool at all.
 

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I understand what you mean. I've had friends before that I knew that others didn't like or avoided because they saw them as "annoying," "weird," or a "loser." But these friends liked me and accepted me and I knew that I could see things in them that others didn't. These friends were my true friends and so I tried to not let myself be bothered by what others thought. I also knew that if I abandoned them to hang out with the "cooler" kids, then I'd probably just end up without any true friends and I'd hate myself for abandoning my only real friends just because they were different.
I can definitely feel you on that.
I had another friend who was very antisocial. He only had one friend, but really, it seemed like he didn't have any. He acted so creepy sometimes, that people, unfortunately including myself, had a good laugh at him. Then a couple times, we had a heart-to-heart conversation and I realized I knew where he was coming from. We don't have everything in common, but I make sure I don't ignore him on the things that we do and always have him contact me when he feels like he's emotionally distressed. Certain "cool" people are so ignorant to other people's needs because they don't know where they are coming from and haven't experienced the kinds of things they did, so they all try to make themselves feel secure by laughing at their weaknesses. The cooler thing to do, on your part, is to stand-up for the underdog when they need somebody's support.
 

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i think its trully sad that some people with sa don't want to be judged but want to judge others :no
its the evil eye. people with Sa should be extremely careful about judging others cos the evil eyes states that when you judge another person you have created an opening for other people to judge you
 

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You'll probably never see these cool kids once you're done with school but your "loser" friends could be there for you the rest of your life.

My only two irl friends are from my school days btw.
 

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There's one good friend i had all the way from kindergarten through high school and I feel horribly about the way I treated him. There was many times where i ditched him because i felt it looked bad for me to be friends with him. How horribly stupid I was... I regret it all the time. I'm amazed that through all that, he never gave up on being friendly to me. Nowaday's I don't have this problem because I feel lucky to have any friends I can get. :/
 

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i think its trully sad that some people with sa don't want to be judged but want to judge others :no
I don't think it's about 'want'. This fear of being seen with certain people is about insecurity and low self-esteem. I'm 25, and I still struggle with it, and I think pretty poorly of myself as a person as a result of it, but believe me, it's not voluntary.
 

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in my opinion u should stick by ur freinds and not give a **** what the 'cool kids' say. Even though i'd imagine it to be hard since u probz get nervous when the 'cooler kids' are near when ur with them.
 

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I can relate to this......i have this friend who is very, very needy and everyone is always talking and laughing about him behind his back. He's also a borderline alcoholic, yet he gets drunk very easily and starts being incredibly annoying and embarrassing, to the point were i just totally avoid hanging out with him if theres other people around as i just know that he's going to do and/or say things that are really weird and embarrassing.

Horrible to say this, but ive been thinking a lot recently about just ditching this guy. But i think i'll probably just reduce contact with him.
 

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I've had friends that were weird and embarrassing, but...

At the end of the day you are not whoever you are hanging out with. Whenever I marked someone as a loser, it was because of things that they personally did, and not because of who they hung out with. If your friend is strange in public, attention will be paid to him and not you. If someone wants to judge you for someone else's actions as if you can control and are responsible for them, they are probably a dip****. Even if you were to walk the streets without these friends, that won't save you finding fault with you.

And these friends might not be as embarrassing as you think they are.

Seriously, though. You're always better off with company.
 

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I can't help but think, how many of the people on this forum have been "that friend" at some point? Most likely not the loud embarrassing type, but the type that other people aren't sure if they want to be around?

Personally, I feel that I've been an invisible friend before. The kind that you sorta notice when she's around, but then completely forget about. It sucks to be either kind because neither get invited to do stuff :(
 

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Friends are the family we choose. That's all that matters. If they are close to you and are your extended family, they keep them that way. At this point in life if the labels of "losers" and "cool kids" still apply, there's a bigger problem going on that needs much more attention.

I just look at all my friends as friends. I have a very small group of people I call friends/extended family. The rest are acquaintances and people I just know to hang out with.

The point being, get over the "labels" bull****. ;)
 
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