Sadly, yes, I do find myself being kinder to non-family members. I am usually less assertive, less demanding and more of a doormat to others because I irrationally believe that others opinion of me, their judgements of my character are important. Isn't that so unreasonable? Honestly, why the heck should we care more about how others(strangers) think of us than our our family? Isn't that just stupid? So, what if others are judging us negatively, why does that matter? How will it really affect us? Will we be physically harmed? Is it the end of the world? Unless it's a life and death situation, it really doesn't matter.
I need to learn being overly nice to strangers is really getting me nowhere. It allows others to take advantage of me and treat me as a doormat. Because of SAD, others probably think I'm strange, aloof, antisocial, snoobish, arrogant, but that's understandable because I am contributing to it by my actions or rather lack of actions. I gues the lesson I'm coming up with at the moment is to be assertive, have reasonable expectations of how others are behaving, and to not take any unwarranted BS from others. We all as human being have rights, and that includes the right to our own beliefs, opinions, and emotions. And the right to respect ourselves for them, no matter what others think.
Ya know, I want to share with you guys this great article from Dr. Richards:
The Deserving Statements:
Before you can comfortably express your needs, you must believe you have a legitimate right to have those needs.
Keep in mind that RATIONALLY, you already have the following rights:
* I have the right to decide how to lead my life. This includes pursuing my own goals and dreams and establishing my own priorities.
* I have the right to my own values, beliefs, opinions, and emotions -- and the right to respect myself for them, no matter the opinion of others.
* I have the right not to have to justify or explain my actions or feelings to others.
* i have the right to tell others how I wish to be treated.
* I have the right to express myself and to say "No,"
"I don't know,"
"I don't understand,"
or even "I don't care."
*I have the right to take the time I need to formulate my ideas before expressing them.
* I have the right to ask for information or help -- without having negative feelings about my needs.
* I have the right to change my mind, to make mistakes, and to sometimes act illogically -- with full understanding and acceptance of the consequences.
* I have the right to like myself even though I'm not perfect.
* I have the right to have positive, satisfying relationships within which I feel comfortable and free to express myself honesty -- and the right to change or end relationships if they don't meet my needs.
* I have the right to change, enhance, or develop my life in any way I determine.
NOTE: When you don't believe you have these rights -- you may react very passively to circumstances and events in your life.
When you allow the needs, opinions, and judgments of others to become more important than your own, you are likely to feel hurt, anxious, and even angry.
This kind of passive or nonassertive behavior is often indirect, emotionally dishonest, and self denying.
It also keeps the anxiety and low self-esteem alive and well.
So, make "The Deserving Statements" the truth.
If you have some trouble with "The Deserving Statements" notice again that these rights are for all human beings.
If you can't feel good about yourself, then you will not only stay miserable and anxious, but you will be affecting everyone around you in a negative way also.
These are not selfish statements. These are statements we need to drop down into the core of our mind - down into the foundation of our brain.
They are not beliefs that will hurt anyone else -- they will only allow you to live a happy, more productive life -- and will affect others around you in a positive, healthful way.
When we begin to accept and believe "The Deserving Statements," then we need to gently put them into place in our everyday life.
I'm not nice at all to begin with. Some man at work even calls me meanie. :b Just because I never smile. :hide Although sometimes I am nice and I hate it. And I only do i t to try and get along and prevent problems I don't want to have more then I already do.
My family... I am really nice to them and respect them a lot specially my father and grandma.
I think it's "Do you find you're way nicer..." Way meaning "more."
I find that I am. With my family I can just say and do whatever I want, piss them off, and whatnot. With other people I tried my hardest to be nice so they won't think I'm being snotty or mean. I really don't know how to be anything other than nice around other people.
This is a tough question for me to answer. I think I normally tend to TRY to be nice to people when I am not at home, but speak more freely at home. One thing I need to work on is being more assertive in public.