Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 24 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
262 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I saw the ladies thread and decided to make one for us too. Anyways im a young black male with SA. One of the tough things with having SA and being black is all the sterotypical BS you have to deal with. On one side you kinda feel pressured to act like a cool thug, playboy, or an entertaining loud and funny person. It also wierd cause i live in a mostly white area so whenever I go out i feel like i stand out and draw attention too myself which makes my SA flare up. Any other black guys out there too?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
105 Posts
ah trust me man it takes all kinds, of course there are other black males with sa. im actually hispanic but i feel that society expects similiar things out of minorities. im not the type of hispanic guy with a shaved head, covered in tattoos or listening to mariachi music. your also expected to be short tempered and rude to others. im just a nice and easy going guy and its something i love about myself. i feel that it makes me unique and always has.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Im black and I have SA. I too felt pressure to act a certain way when i was in highschool but i got over it.
 

·
4 + 1 = MOO
Joined
·
1,410 Posts
I saw the ladies thread and decided to make one for us too. Anyways im a young black male with SA. One of the tough things with having SA and being black is all the sterotypical BS you have to deal with. On one side you kinda feel pressured to act like a cool thug, playboy, or an entertaining loud and funny person. It also wierd cause i live in a mostly white area so whenever I go out i feel like i stand out and draw attention too myself which makes my SA flare up. Any other black guys out there too?
Question, why do you feel pressured to fall into a negative black stereotype such as being loud or acting like a thug?

BE YOUR OWN PERSON!

Coming from a black guy, acting loud and ignorant at the end of the day gets you nowhere positive in life, so I implore that you not to be pressured into it. Be daring and different, and rebel against what society expects you to be in a positive way, and add to the very low population of leaders that we have in this country with their own thoughts and values.
 

·
PASTAMANIA BROTHER
Joined
·
441 Posts
Question, why do you feel pressured to fall into a negative black stereotype such as being loud or acting like a thug?

BE YOUR OWN PERSON!

Coming from a black guy, acting loud and ignorant at the end of the day gets you nowhere positive in life, so I implore that you not to be pressured into it. Be daring and different, and rebel against what society expects you to be in a positive way, and add to the very low population of leaders that we have in this country with their own thoughts and values.
Agreed.

I'm black and also have SA. Nope, it doesn't discriminate lol. Anyway, I gave up trying to fit in with the typical urban black crowd. Even if I didn't have SA I wouldn't really fit in with that crowd. I was never that way, even when I was a kid and didn't have SA. When I was younger I had a lot of black friends, but we were just kids then. As we grew older, I saw them slowly start to transform into that typical "black stereotype" and that never happened for me. I've always been sort of a laid-back, somewhat geeky kind of guy and so my old friends started to drift away from me. Oddly enough, when their "transformation" had been completed, I was starting high school and that's pretty much when my SA began. There was also the fact that I went to a private school for two years for middle school, and so that drove us apart even more. When I met up with them when I went back to public high school, I felt like I didn't even know them anymore.

It's been really tough for me to find "my" crowd. It's just another reason I wish race wasn't such a big issue to people. I would be happy to find friends that I can identify with from any race. But many people tend to group with those similar to themselves, and race tends to play a big factor in that, so races tend to group together mostly. This makes me feel like even more of an outsider because I can't identify with most of my own race.

So I feel stuck in more ways than one.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,122 Posts
Agreed.

I'm black and also have SA. Nope, it doesn't discriminate lol. Anyway, I gave up trying to fit in with the typical urban black crowd. Even if I didn't have SA I wouldn't really fit in with that crowd. I was never that way, even when I was a kid and didn't have SA. When I was younger I had a lot of black friends, but we were just kids then. As we grew older, I saw them slowly start to transform into that typical "black stereotype" and that never happened for me. I've always been sort of a laid-back, somewhat geeky kind of guy and so my old friends started to drift away from me. Oddly enough, when their "transformation" had been completed, I was starting high school and that's pretty much when my SA began. There was also the fact that I went to a private school for two years for middle school, and so that drove us apart even more. When I met up with them when I went back to public high school, I felt like I didn't even know them anymore.

It's been really tough for me to find "my" crowd. It's just another reason I wish race wasn't such a big issue to people. I would be happy to find friends that I can identify with from any race. But many people tend to group with those similar to themselves, and race tends to play a big factor in that, so races tend to group together mostly. This makes me feel like even more of an outsider because I can't identify with most of my own race.

So I feel stuck in more ways than one.
Did your high school black friends call you an oreo ? ...just curious
 

·
PASTAMANIA BROTHER
Joined
·
441 Posts
Did you high school black friends call you oreo ? ...just curious
*laughs* I did get called that at least once, maybe more, but I think it was by the same dude and I wouldn't consider that guy a friend in the least. He was a stereotypical kinda jock (he played on the school football team) that you see in movies and TV shows.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
492 Posts
I'm black too!
I feel you on being in a area with mostly white or mostly Spanish or w.e. It is soooo awkward sometimes. I am into punk music and live in ny, so i went to a few shows in the city, and as you would imagine most of the crowd is white, and I'd be like one of two black people there and having SA, I'm aware of that the whole time, people look at me weird it is quite difficult.
And the reason I don't have many friends is because well like my buddy on here the Canadian brotha, i am not the stereotypical blk dude, I ware my pants around my waist and speak correctly. And when I'm around most blk folks they look at me like im odd, and call me an Oreo. Its sucks a lot, feeling like you can't fit in with your own race as a large.
Pull up your pants!
 

·
P4
Joined
·
1,238 Posts
I'm guessing Oreo is equivalent to banana or coconut? There aren't too many black people in Australia so I wasn't too sure of that slang |D I'm asian and I think though, if you're asian and act asian or white it doesn't really matter. As long as you find a group with similar interests it doesn't matter the colour of your skin. As for relatives, they're fairly accepting of whatever their children do... as long as they study hard XD
 

·
The empty one
Joined
·
83 Posts
I suppose I gave up trying to identify my self with the African American race. I see the way most young guys talk throwing n words and f words around to pepper their mindless conversation. The way they walk like penguins with pants sagging around the crotch area like that's practical in any occasion. I know these are just physical aspects and that not all people black or otherwise think this way, but what I've seen in the years in this city hasn't left me with much else to go on. I rather be near mute and act deaf than acknowledge people like this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,052 Posts
Well I am not a male, but black women don't really take to me. If I'm not loud and saying, "Ohh girl" or "You know thats right", uhmm hmm chile, then something is wrong :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
234 Posts
Well I am not a male, but black women don't really take to me. If I'm not loud and saying, "Ohh girl" or "You know thats right", uhmm hmm chile, then something is wrong :D
LOL I'm not male or African American but I'm Latina and can relate to everyone here. I'm not the typical Puerto Rican girl (which I'm quite proud of actually, I'm an individual not a carbon copy of someone else). It's always bothered me in the sense that it's hard to find "my" crowd, but not enough for me to feel the need to conform to anyone's standards. If talking "white" is speaking properly then what does that say about how we see ourselves? God forbid anyone throwing out insults realize that :no It's gotten way easier as I've gotten older and away from the neighborhood I grew up in.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
221 Posts
I wouldn't say that I have SA. I joined this site because I got a lot in common with people on here. I grew up in Atlanta and that's like the blackest city ever lol. My highschool was like 50% black 40% white, 10% other. I got along with a lot of the black kids at my school.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
397 Posts
I suppose I gave up trying to identify my self with the African American race. I see the way most young guys talk throwing n words and f words around to pepper their mindless conversation. The way they walk like penguins with pants sagging around the crotch area like that's practical in any occasion. I know these are just physical aspects and that not all people black or otherwise think this way, but what I've seen in the years in this city hasn't left me with much else to go on. I rather be near mute and act deaf than acknowledge people like this.
It sounds like you need to get out of your city, see new people, and experience different things. There is a whole world beyond the city.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
103 Posts
I'm actually Black mixed with Portuguese, and I think I've had SA since middle school. I was always teased and bullied in school, mostly by the black and hispanic kids, and I think it mostly had to do with the fact that I was black and looked like a geek. I was made fun of because I had my hair a little bigger (some days I wouldn't even feel like combing it), wore glasses, and my pants were high-waters (people used to call me Urkel because of this). I did not act or talk ghetto, or listen to any rap music. This really made me a target.

I was so desperate for people to like me so I decided that I would try to dress little more like them. I went clothes shopping and got baggier jeans, and a hair cut. I even started saying "sup" instead of hi. This actually didn't make a difference. I still got picked on. I still got laughed at. Why? Because people can always tell who is a "poser". They knew that I was a little geeky kid who was now trying to act "cool" and "thuggish", and it just looked funny to them because I wasn't "doing it right". I realized this and I just stopped. I figured out that I cannot try to act like someone I'm not just because I wanted people to like me. Even if they did, I wouldn't have been happy.

Now I consider myself as a nonconformist. I am pretty much oblivious to what is "cool" or "in". I just don't care. I just do what I like and that's pretty much it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
492 Posts
I suppose I gave up trying to identify my self with the African American race. I see the way most young guys talk throwing n words and f words around to pepper their mindless conversation. The way they walk like penguins with pants sagging around the crotch area like that's practical in any occasion. I know these are just physical aspects and that not all people black or otherwise think this way, but what I've seen in the years in this city hasn't left me with much else to go on. I rather be near mute and act deaf than acknowledge people like this.
True, NYC sucks because of this. When I make it, I'm going to move out of this city at least probably the country.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
145 Posts
Well I am not a male, but black women don't really take to me. If I'm not loud and saying, "Ohh girl" or "You know thats right", uhmm hmm chile, then something is wrong :D
I agree with you. I remember when I was working at a restaurant, my manager used to always come up to me and would say, "Gurl...why you be trippin on the haters..." and so other dumb stuff like that...I would just look at her funny. One day she was like..."Why don't you act fun like Candace..." (Candace was a black girl that I worked with that was loud and ghetto) I was like, "Because thats not me..." After that, my manager would just look at me in a strange way like I was not desired...
Who knew being an educated soft spoken black women was going to be undesirable and unwanted...smh
 

·
Trapped in my own head
Joined
·
113 Posts
I'm a quarter black. Does that count? It sucks to be unable to identify with your own race(s). It just reinforces the notion that you don't fit in or belong anywhere.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
71 Posts
Black man here. :) I don't feel pressure from anyone to act a certain way when it comes to any kind of stereotype, but I am afraid that I come off as unusual.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
889 Posts
It sucks to be unable to identify with your own race(s). It just reinforces the notion that you don't fit in or belong anywhere.
I've always had trouble fitting into "my own race" too. That feeling of being between cultures as opposed to being a part of a culture has always been really strong in me, and I think my SA has more than a little to do with it. Personally, I don't think the racial/cultural side of SA gets enough attention on this forum. Maybe people are reluctant to talk about it, maybe it doesn't affect as many people or affect people as strongly, I don't know.
 
1 - 20 of 24 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top