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Zombie princess
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258 Posts
No why should they? I know some girls find confidence attractive, but its all down to personal preference of whats attractive and whats not really isn't it?

Theres loads of factors, how about shy girls that are extremely hot? Would they not be attracted to shy guys like themselves? Some people don't factor looks into relationship either.
No one should expect anything less or more, they should just go for what they like.
 

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Geese
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20,768 Posts
How does someones appearance have ANYTHING to do with it? Enlighten me, please. Are you saying less attractive woman are only capable of attracting helpless, desperate men who are too shy to seek more attractive woman and thus settle? Are attractive woman only attracted to confident, extroverted men? Are we will going to be this naive and shallow?

Because if so........*rage builds*.
 

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inactive
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4,029 Posts
This thread will not end well.
 

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is getting over herself
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12,022 Posts
absolutely. everyone expects it.
 

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472 Posts
I'm not sure why I'm bothering but.....

My brother is shy - he has been married for over 40 years. His wife is average looking. When she gets all dolled up she looks like a million bucks.

Because my brother is shy he was attracted to certain qualities she has. She was a better talker than him and took the pressure off him at social gatherings. She doesn't mind that they don't have lots of friends and don't go out that much. They are financially very successful and have 4 children. I would say he picked the right woman.
 

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Super Meditator
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3,575 Posts
I'm sayin nothin. Hello22 will be readin this thread :D
 

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Shyness: a set of behaviours, habits and feelings.

Nemesis 1: A person. In some senses the sum of and in every other sense more than and beyond the sum of his behaviours, habits and feelings.

So, what is a "shy guy"? Is there some sort of shy guy club where they all would turn up to hang out? I'm not taking the mickey out of shy guys. I'm suggesting those who identify themselves as "shy guys" pause for a moment and recognise a label is just a label. I go to the toilet a fair few times in my life. That doesn't make me a "toilet guy".

So, basically, the question is, are guys who think of themselves as "shy guys" expected by some unseen, all powerful force, to settle for women who they think are somehow less attractive than they think they themselves are?

Boy are there are a lot of problems with that.

The guy makes a guess about being a shy guy like it's some sort of fixed part of his personality. Maybe it is maybe it isn't but defining yourself through it is pure bonkers. Then that same guy makes some assumptions about how attractive they are and then some more assumptions about other people expecting things from him and the other guys who he thinks are the same as him. Then the guy makes the assumption that there are women who are less attractive than he is and is he supposed to settle for them.

Complicated stuff.

Best answer: stop seeing yourself and other people through labels.

The generally accepted and acknowledged beauty to ugly spectrum does not exist. If you think a woman is attractive, then that doesn't mean everyone else thinks the same way as you. What matter is that you have an idea of the type of woman you want in your life. The type of woman you find attractive. Go find her.
 

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Winning
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451 Posts
So, what is a "shy guy"? Is there some sort of shy guy club where they all would turn up to hang out? I'm not taking the mickey out of shy guys. I'm suggesting those who identify themselves as "shy guys" pause for a moment and recognise a label is just a label. I go to the toilet a fair few times in my life. That doesn't make me a "toilet guy".
You always say this and I don't get it. I have a shy personality, they do exist you know. Toilet personalities don't! Unless you mean it figuratively when talking about someone that has a crappy personality. :D

And if you honestly don't know what a shy person is:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shy
 

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UnDeRrAtED
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34,712 Posts
Im using money and looks as an advantage for my dream girl if she exists. Ill still settle for something decent at least. I would like to see some scientific evidence or at least some sort of empirical evidence showing that if anything matters.
 

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Banned
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706 Posts
How does someones appearance have ANYTHING to do with it? Enlighten me, please. Are you saying less attractive woman are only capable of attracting helpless, desperate men who are too shy to seek more attractive woman and thus settle? Are attractive woman only attracted to confident, extroverted men? Are we will going to be this naive and shallow?

Because if so........*rage builds*.
lol I would basically say all that
 

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Reposed in awesomeness...
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2,278 Posts
As mentioned attractive means different things to different people. Personality can make a person more attractive to you than they would just based on looks. And sometimes looks aren't even important. Especially if your not a teenager anymore. :D

To answer the question. I have overheard comments made about me by others and have been told how females react to photos of me, etc. and have had things said to me by, shall we say, outgoing(not to mention brazen) females and basically I could be getting a damnedsite more attention from the opposite sex than I do now, if only I was able to talk to them properly. That doesn't mean that I have to "settle" for someone who is, by the tone of the question, substandard. Just that I am not going to get as much as I might like. :sigh
 

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You always say this and I don't get it. I have a shy personality, they do exist you know. Toilet personalities don't! Unless you mean it figuratively when talking about someone that has a crappy personality. :D

And if you honestly don't know what a shy person is:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shy
So much about the person and about personality can be about perception. What is your evidence for you having a "shy personality"? Have you got a break down of your genetic code with you with the "shy personality gene" circled in red? Or have you made certain judgements and assumptions about yourself based on a whole lot of other things?

I'm not saying you don't have a shy personality. Perhaps you do. I'm pointing out the need for careful thinking on this one.

Because the self image is vulnerable.

Now, I had a few experiences where I was rejected romantically by women. My mind generalised this experience and I came to the conclusion that I must be an unattractive person. Now, that judgement isn't based on anything more than my interpretation and placing of subjective meaning onto things that happened to me and how I felt about myself.

I made an assumption about the type of person I was. I gave myself a label of "unattractive person" and it wrecked my life for years because it can be very difficult to go beyond the scope of an overriding belief you hold about yourself.

Now, there is nothing automatically negative about shyness or having a shy personality, if one does have one. However, defining the self through selective and subjective interpretation and placing of meaning can be very dangerous and limiting for people.

The person has the ultimate authority on how they define themselves and how they balance the internal and external things that help construct the self image. But care must be taken about how we define ourselves as it has been demonstrated (but not proved) by some studies that it is difficult for people to go beyond their own image of themselves.

Then there's the issue of "cold reading" yourself into certain personality types and the dangers that can sometimes pose.

A "confident" person isn't "confident" all the time and a shy person isn't shy all the time or in all situations so is defining oneself by a personality trait (even if it does turn out to be really there) a good way of going about things?

The personality has a fluid, flux element to it. It is vulnerable to internal things like filters, interpretation of meaning etc and external things such as attempts by others to define us on the basis of our views, our opinions and our behaviours etc.

Often we jump quickly onto a label because it gives us some sense of who we are. And, indeed, there may be lots of truth in such a label on some occasions. But care should be taken in the defining of the self.
 

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Retired Enforcer
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19,113 Posts
No. They are expected to overcome their shyness and go after the woman (or man) that they want.
 

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Winning
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451 Posts
So much about the person and about personality can be about perception. What is your evidence for you having a "shy personality"?
Look at the definition of shy, thats me to a T.
I know how I feel, its not just perception. And if you were to ask anybody I know to describe me, "really shy" would be be part of the description 100% of the time because it is 100% accurate. And thats fine by me, there is nothing wrong with it.
 
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