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When I compare myself to outgoing people, I often feel selfish and maybe even a bit immature. When an outgoing person (stranger or not) is the first to strike up a conversation with me, I feel as though they 'put themselves out there' much more than I did. They took a chance, whereas as I NEVER put forth the energy to strike up conversations with strangers. I ALWAYS wait for them to come to me. (sometimes even with people I know).

It just seems as though the people who are successful at talking to strangers are thinking more about others than they are themselves. They don't wait for the other person to do the work, they just do it.

Does anyone else feel this way? That SA is somewhat 'childlike' in nature?
 

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I always feel awkward and weird because of SA.. in some ways i do feel selfish, because i try to avoid my family alot, and i don't perform well in college, which worries my mum alot, which i consider to be selfish .. in general, i don't think i'm selfish though. if i had a bag of chips, i would ask everyone if they wanted one :p SA always drags me down, and i do often think that some of my motives are selfish, even if i do not intend for them to be ...
 

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I think both introverts and extraverts are motivated by self interests. I don't think it's anymore selfish that one chooses not to talk over someone who wants to, but rather it's just a different desire for things. Personally, i think being extraverted brings more abundance because of the things people can bring to us. I think it's a good trait to have but if someone doesn't see the same way then you can't condemn them for it. I think both introverts and extroverts are4 motivated by self-interests but with different views on things, so I don't think it's a selfish thing to be introverted.
 

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I agree with everyone I wouldn't say it's selfish, in fact I don't think I can think of a way sa relates to selfishness at all. You wouldn't say a person with any other disability was selfish because they weren't able to perform whatever thing it was they weren't able to do. The other person may be spending the energy to talk to you but you spending the same amount holding the conversation. It takes a lot of willpower for us and it's exhausting afterwards. The only time it becomes selfish is when we give give up, because that means we're not even willing to spend the energy trying, in my opinion.
 

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PreciousGleamingMcNugget
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I don't think I'm really a selfish person, but SA definitely keeps me from being able to do things that would show that I'm more caring/interested in other people. I feel bad about that a lot. Like, if I forget to ask someone how they are if I know they've been sick or if I see something I could buy or some favor I could do for them, but I'm just too nervous to do it 'cause it seems awkward to me.
 

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I have no idea and I try not to lump people with SA as a group for anything other than SA and I even see that as very complex, complicated, and full of idiosynracies that specific to the individual.
 

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A lot of people think people with SA are just self centered and selfish and only care about themselves. I don't believe that is the case all the time. Sure there are times we are selfish or immature just like everyone else, but in general I don't feel that way. Most SA'ers are concerned that they aren't making the other person comfortable and that they aren't being friendly enough, etc. They desire to put the other person at ease and be friendly they just lack the ability to or the know how to. That doesn't sound selfish to me. I have SA, but I am not a selfish person. I am a Christian (so this is Christian talk, sorry) and I have the spiritual gift of mercy. A person who is merciful is not selfish. Anyways, those are just my thoughts.
 

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In a sense, yes, I think so because the entire disorder is based around ourselves, what we're doing and what others think of us and it also prevents us from doing things for others. I can't tell you the amount of times I've turned down an invitation to something I knew someone really wanted me to attend because of anxiety. So, yeah, in a way. But is a disorder, not necessarily something we can always control.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
A lot of people think people with SA are just self centered and selfish and only care about themselves. I don't believe that is the case all the time. Sure there are times we are selfish or immature just like everyone else, but in general I don't feel that way. Most SA'ers are concerned that they aren't making the other person comfortable and that they aren't being friendly enough, etc. They desire to put the other person at ease and be friendly they just lack the ability to or the know how to. That doesn't sound selfish to me. I have SA, but I am not a selfish person. I am a Christian (so this is Christian talk, sorry) and I have the spiritual gift of mercy. A person who is merciful is not selfish. Anyways, those are just my thoughts.
It's not that I feel selfish as a whole, as a person. But rather situational selfishness, in social situations. If that makes sense...
 

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This is a problem for me actually.
In my heart, I'm a very caring person. I'd do most anything for anyone and wouldn't mind doing it, as long as they weren't taking advantage of me. I like seeing people happy.
But, that part of me rarely shows. I think because I just don't care about things to numb my condition, I come off as a narcissistic jack*** sometimes.
 

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for me personally, I know that I am a naturally very giving and unselfish person, but SA overrides that a lot of the time. For example, if someone wants me to go to a party with them so they don't have to go alone, I'll say no- not because I don't want to help, but because I'm worried about going to the party. I'll feel guilty, but safe. I'll put my needs before others a lot of the time so that I can feel "safe" and stay in my comforte zone, because I have SA and that's what people with SA do. That's one of the main reasons I want to get over SA, so I can stop being selfish a lot of the time! Until then, I've just tried to be as unselfish as I can in the ways that SA will allow me to. I cook for people a lot, on request or as a surprise, because I'm good at it and it doesn't require talking. I also play piano whenever someones needs it, as an accompianist or just as background music, because that, too, doesn't require talking or going out of my comfort zone. One day, though, I'll be able to help out much more than that =]
 

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I can see elements but on the whole I'm always more aware of others than myself, generally. Have tried and failed a slightly arrogant mindset but that wasn't me and I knew it. I just keep out the way and hold a door where I can or whateveer I guess.
 

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I think that axniety and depression makes me sellfish in the sense that i am stuck inside my own mind, just living in self pity pretty much, for example i'm so wrapped up in my own negative thoughts and insecurities i often have little regard for other people.
 

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When I compare myself to outgoing people, I often feel selfish and maybe even a bit immature. When an outgoing person (stranger or not) is the first to strike up a conversation with me, I feel as though they 'put themselves out there' much more than I did. They took a chance, whereas as I NEVER put forth the energy to strike up conversations with strangers. I ALWAYS wait for them to come to me. (sometimes even with people I know).

It just seems as though the people who are successful at talking to strangers are thinking more about others than they are themselves. They don't wait for the other person to do the work, they just do it.

Does anyone else feel this way? That SA is somewhat 'childlike' in nature?
Selfish means you are more concerned about your self than the other person, so yes, there are times you are being selfish. Not trying to sound rude to you. SAers do give too much time and thought to themselves, therein lies the problem! We need to get out of ourselves, thoroughly, to be able to show genuine concern, friendship.love, etc. for another person.

I guess it seems childlike, because children typically think more about themselves than another person, but that is due to their mental age and SA is due to a disorder.
 
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