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I put my bed in the garage and slept on the floor for 3 years,because i felt like i didnt deserve a bed :con now i sleep on a futon that i hate,its worse than sleeping on the floor.i dunno i guess i feel like i dont deserve anything good.
 

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incredible! i just started to write about this very thing on someone's thread, thought better of it, and deleted it.

yes i do that. i did it in the way that i worked. my job was physically demanding and i would push myself as hard as i could sometimes. some days i would be so seized and banged up i could barely walk or sleep at night. it was my way of earning my keep, since i felt i was not deserving. i started wondering lately if this is some kind of form of self-mortification/ self-harm.

if i do anything, even housework, i'll push myself to work hard and do a perfect job, just to earn the right to be there.
 

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Three years sleepng on the floor? I'm not motivated enough to be that committed! I usually just deny myself small things because i don't think i deserve them.
 

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I treat myself badly for the most part, i deprive myself of positive oppurtunities and don't let myself have a good time at social occassions.
 

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pm5kbebop said:
I put my bed in the garage and slept on the floor for 3 years,because i felt like i didnt deserve a bed :con now i sleep on a futon that i hate,its worse than sleeping on the floor.i dunno i guess i feel like i dont deserve anything good.
I do smaller things than this. Like the other night I slept on the living room floor even though it was hard and painful .. but I've never done this for more than a few days at a time.

I've always done weird little things to cause myself periodic discomfort - or even sometimes more prolonged discomfort. When I was little I used to push things into my finger tips/under my finger nails until my fingers were sore (not like The Godfather or anything to leave a mark) - then when I was doing regular things my fingers would hurt and remind me that I was bad.
Now, if I wind up with a bruise or scratch from something it always goes through my head for a second that I deserved it.
 

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Hannah said:
my job was physically demanding and i would push myself as hard as i could sometimes. some days i would be so seized and banged up i could barely walk or sleep at night. it was my way of earning my keep, since i felt i was not deserving.
if i do anything, even housework, i'll push myself to work hard and do a perfect job, just to earn the right to be there.
Double-Ditto.
 

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yeah i try to treat myself badly...like i'll starve myself and my stomach growls for hours and i feel like crap but then ill give in and eat something. i hate it.
 

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I only do it because I have to. I have to punish myself for being me. If that isn't obvious, I cannot possibly explain it.
 

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Yup. I'll stay up until the wee hours of the morning (*cough* Like now...) and do my school work. I got almost all 'A''s on my work this grading period (One B) and so this grading period I have to push myself harder to get it perfect, to earn my keep. If I do something wrong, I'll punch walls, peel my skin back, things like that. I'm a glutton for punishment.
 

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I think I can relate

I am not suicidal, but I do treat myself badly sometimes. For example, I sometimes don't wear my seatbelt, sometimes just because in the small event there really was an accident, maybe I wouldn't live through it. I do little self-destructive things like that sometimes. I don't know if it is cuz I don't think I deserve to be safe, but more like punishing myself or something. It is hard to explain. I think risk-taking behavior is the word for it.
 
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