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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I noticed a majority of people on here desperately seek friendship but their social anxiety hinders them. I was actually surprised at this for some reason. It was a shock realizing I was in a even smaller category of people who had a different ''type'' of S.A. Meh.

Does anybody actually not want friends? I don't mean convinced themselves they don't cuz of their anxiety, I mean can 100% say they don't? I know we are social creatures etc etc but I actually am not seeking friendship. I have a girlfriend and thats enough for me.

I just find the concept of friends as ... a hassle? Meeting up, arranging things, doing them favors, etc. Not forgetting the drama and everything involved. I've gone on holiday/vacation with my girlfriend/her friend and boyfriend, I've got ''acquaintances'' and people do warm to me easily and want friendship but I'm not interested. I'd be more than happy to work, come home, work on some music and play xbox/watch tv. Whenever I want on my terms. I actually get excited knowing I'm gonna be alone for a whole day with no girlfriend/etc about.

When I was in school I had friends, and to the point where they'd be at my house talking to my mum before i'd even got home. People would stay over at mine pretty regular and I'd always just be hanging out doing nothing with them. Since I've moved across the country to my girlfriends place things have changed. Now, I'm just not interested. I only would seek friendship so others wouldn't look at me as a loner lol. If it was socially acceptable to remain friend'less forever I'd not care. I wouldn't mind friends if things had panned out differently anxiety wise but i'm definetly not seeking it.

Anyone else in the same boat?
 

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thoughts are just thought
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I noticed a majority of people on here desperately seek friendship but their social anxiety hinders them. I was actually surprised at this for some reason. It was a shock realizing I was in a even smaller category of people who had a different ''type'' of S.A. Meh.

Does anybody actually not want friends? I don't mean convinced themselves they don't cuz of their anxiety, I mean can 100% say they don't? I know we are social creatures etc etc but I actually am not seeking friendship. I have a girlfriend and thats enough for me.
Yeah I stopped reading after that.

Everyone wants friends. Anyone who claims otherwise is probably lying.

Does everyone want to be the most popular person in school/work or whatever? No.

Does everyone want to go to a "Cheer's" type bar "where everyone knows their name?" No.

But at the end of the day, deep down every human on the planet wants at least ONE other human to socialize with.

You have a girlfriend... so she is your friend, you can't claim you don't want a friend.

The truth of the matter is, even if such an person who wanted zero friends really existed they would not be on this board. This board is for people who want to get over their social anxiety, there aren't too many reasons to get over SA for people who legitimately don't want to make ANY friends.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I guess you can call her a friend but at times I'd be more than happy to just do my own thing without her. Hence why I said I'm happy when I know she's staying at her relatives for some event or even at a friends house. That doesn't change how I feel about her though, that makes me come across as being a horrible person but I would do anything for her. Take tonight for example. She's made plans for me and her to go to her friends to meet her and her boyfriend tonight. I'm so disinterested it's not even funny. I'd much rather not have to deal with it.

Obviously I want to get over my social anxiety for tons of reasons. Mainly to feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't pursue further education/a better job because of anxiety and feeling inferior to everybody else. I miss out on doing things myself that i'd do alone if I wasn't as anxious.
 

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The truth of the matter is, even if such an person who wanted zero friends really existed they would not be on this board. This board is for people who want to get over their social anxiety, there aren't too many reasons to get over SA for people who legitimately don't want to make ANY friends.
A couple of reasons for wanting to get over SA even though you don't want friends:

1. Employment. Not being able to talk to people without freaking out severely limits your job opportunities
2. Most things in life cost money, therefore limited job opportunities = limited life opportunities.
3. Social anxiety is stressful and unpleasant in itself. Nobody enjoys worrying about things other people take in their stride.
4. Wanting to be able to do fun stuff (e.g. travel) without constantly worrying about your interactions with others
5. Social anxiety uses up time and energy which you would prefer to use more constructively
6. Being tired of having your options restricted by fear

There are plenty of ways in which SA makes life difficult besides not being able to make friends. Fear and poverty are every bit as traumatic as loneliness.
 

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A couple of reasons for wanting to get over SA even though you don't want friends:

1. Employment. Not being able to talk to people without freaking out severely limits your job opportunities
2. Most things in life cost money, therefore limited job opportunities = limited life opportunities.
3. Social anxiety is stressful and unpleasant in itself. Nobody enjoys worrying about things other people take in their stride.
4. Wanting to be able to do fun stuff (e.g. travel) without constantly worrying about your interactions with others
5. Social anxiety uses up time and energy which you would prefer to use more constructively
6. Being tired of having your options restricted by fear

There are plenty of ways in which SA makes life difficult besides not being able to make friends. Fear and poverty are every bit as traumatic as loneliness.
Good post. Those are the things that bother me the most. Making friends is of zero relevance for myself. I've never felt lonely. Many times I feel overwhelmed/tired even by the few people that I do know.
 

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I guess you can call her a friend but at times I'd be more than happy to just do my own thing without her.
Again I stopped reading at this point.

Just because you have friends, a friend, or a girlfriend. Does not mean you would want to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with her. Everyone needs their alone time, it does not mean they do not want friends.

A couple of reasons for wanting to get over SA even though you don't want friends:

1. Employment. Not being able to talk to people without freaking out severely limits your job opportunities
2. Most things in life cost money, therefore limited job opportunities = limited life opportunities.
3. Social anxiety is stressful and unpleasant in itself. Nobody enjoys worrying about things other people take in their stride.
4. Wanting to be able to do fun stuff (e.g. travel) without constantly worrying about your interactions with others
5. Social anxiety uses up time and energy which you would prefer to use more constructively
6. Being tired of having your options restricted by fear

There are plenty of ways in which SA makes life difficult besides not being able to make friends. Fear and poverty are every bit as traumatic as loneliness.
I high lighted 1 and 3 because I feel they are the only things SA limits that negates what I said. I feel the rest are just rewording those two points.

Farther more the above seems like the extreme end of social anxiety. In this day and age with the invention of the internet getting an income as well as most basic needs can be met with minimum interaction with the outside world.

While I agree it IS possible that the above concerns are not related to "wanting a friend" I point out if someone is so extremely SA that they can't interact with people enough to do some very basic things, they probably aren't in the class of "I don't want any friends." But "I am too scared of people to really know if I want a friend."

Of the people who are comfortable enough to make a friends or two if they want to, but have SA, their are few (if any) who choose not to have ANY friends.
 

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I noticed a majority of people on here desperately seek friendship but their social anxiety hinders them. I was actually surprised at this for some reason. It was a shock realizing I was in a even smaller category of people who had a different ''type'' of S.A. Meh.

Does anybody actually not want friends? I don't mean convinced themselves they don't cuz of their anxiety, I mean can 100% say they don't? I know we are social creatures etc etc but I actually am not seeking friendship. I have a girlfriend and thats enough for me.
I don't need friends nor want them. I find them a hassle as well. I don't like talking to anyone for over 10 minutes not even family. At work, I can communicate just fine, but I prefer when people shut up instead of yabbering about nothing like a lot of people do.

I could not see myself going out to a public place because of my SA and having to talk to "friends" and pretend like I am having fun. Been there, done that.

I choose to do solitary activities such as hikes, jogging, and mostly computer.
 

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As I got older friends aren't as important as when I was a teen into my 20's. Also, most people my age already have establish a group of friends, and also they have their own families they are busy with. Lastly, I tend to rub other people the wrong way.
 

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The only problem with friends ....

Is that nowadays you just cannot build a solid relationship
based on trust with someone and call him/her a friend.

It's pretty hard to find a person to rely on... when everyone has some
kind of interest............... you'll always find people to hangout with
but they might not be REAL friends. that would eventually help you
in case you need something..

and anyways.... most people as they grow up .... after 30 yaers old
probably are more focused on becoming parents...... on their family and so on ..
friends are more like a "secondary thing" if you get a few hours on the weekend to
go out with them....

that's how I see things.
 

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I don't care either way. I mean it would be nice having at least one friend so you can go to places but having multiple friends is too much for me. And yes I need my alone time sometimes. To have one person or be alone....I would pick both. Doesn't matter to me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I think it's not so much getting friends but maintaining the friendship also. I'd say i'm a pretty selfish person in that respect, i'd rather do my own thing and what I need to do than maintain a friendship.
 

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I'd like to have a good friend or two that would really listen and care when I'm going through a hard time. But that is really low on my priority list right now. My biggest problems are...

1. Employment. Not being able to talk to people without freaking out severely limits your job opportunities
2. Most things in life cost money, therefore limited job opportunities = limited life opportunities.
3. Social anxiety is stressful and unpleasant in itself. Nobody enjoys worrying about things other people take in their stride.
4. Wanting to be able to do fun stuff (e.g. travel) without constantly worrying about your interactions with others
5. Social anxiety uses up time and energy which you would prefer to use more constructively
6. Being tired of having your options restricted by fear
 

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I don't know how somebody can not want friends, friends can be coworkers, teammates if you play sports, people at your church, they dont necessarly have to be people you hang out with but talk to and share thoughts and dreams and share the occassional joke,i would like to have "real" friends but deep down i feel like being alone most of the time, i still look forward to talking to friends at work
 

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Freedom is lurking
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A couple of reasons for wanting to get over SA even though you don't want friends:

1. Employment. Not being able to talk to people without freaking out severely limits your job opportunities
2. Most things in life cost money, therefore limited job opportunities = limited life opportunities.
3. Social anxiety is stressful and unpleasant in itself. Nobody enjoys worrying about things other people take in their stride.
4. Wanting to be able to do fun stuff (e.g. travel) without constantly worrying about your interactions with others
5. Social anxiety uses up time and energy which you would prefer to use more constructively
6. Being tired of having your options restricted by fear

There are plenty of ways in which SA makes life difficult besides not being able to make friends. Fear and poverty are every bit as traumatic as loneliness.
Oh this, this and this. This too. And especially that last one. SA restricts freedom and that's the real issue. Having friends is related to that, in the sense that there are activities in life that don't make sense unless you have friends to do them with -- and that limits your freedom too. I want a girlfriend more than anything partly because she'd also be a real, close friend.
 

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Things you can do in life are severely restricted if you have no one to do them with. It's just apart of life. People are social creatures and hence a lot of activities are structured around this idea.
 

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All the friends I have had suck. *****y, overcritical, superficial, talk-about-you-behind-your-back, fake people. But sure, if I could find some people that weren't like that with similar interests, friends would be okay. I'm alright by myself, or with my boyfriend. I guess I could go either way.
 

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I wouldn't mind having friends, but I tend to want to do what I want when I want. I find it difficult to make plans with people because I don't know if I will be in the mood to do whatever we planned when the time comes.

I can't really remember a time where I had more than one friend, usually just a GF. On that note though, I have had complications when I haven't had any other friends and my gf at time took it as some sort of burden on her. You should let them know up front that you not only need but want some time alone and they shouldn't feel obligated to be with you all of the time. I too enjoy when she is out with friends or family and I can finally get some time to myself.
 
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