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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I got this terrible issue with acceptance. I feel I have to be someone I'm not just to be accepted by other people. It's like my feelings are hurt if I don't live up to other people's expectations. Why do I feel this way ? Is it insecurity , low-self esteem issues ,what causes this? Anybody know?
 

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Yes, it's insecurity. I suffer from that as well. It's like you feel that being yourself isn't good enough, you have to somehow fly, be the best you possibly can be at everything to make that great impression, or be a certain way to fit into other peoples lives if you are perhaps forced to have to deal with them.

It doesn't feel good to be disliked, it makes us feel like something is wrong with us, like we're not worthy of something, so we often go above and beyond. At least this is the way I interpret how I feel about it.
 

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Everything I do is unacceptable,
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Yes, it's insecurity. I suffer from that as well. It's like you feel that being yourself isn't good enough, you have to somehow fly, be the best you possibly can be at everything to make that great impression, or be a certain way to fit into other peoples lives if you are perhaps forced to have to deal with them.

It doesn't feel good to be disliked, it makes us feel like something is wrong with us, like we're not worthy of something, so we often go above and beyond. At least this is the way I interpret how I feel about it.
Thank you , how does one work on insecurities ? Therapy ?
 

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Thank you , how does one work on insecurities ? Therapy ?
It's really difficult to come out of that place. First you have to look at what makes you feel insecure, like around what people, what circumstances, what the trigger point is. Once you figure out what evokes those feelings you have to ask yourself why and examine how rational it really is and how much those feelings are really worth you stressing over. This is the most difficult and what I struggle with on a daily basis. It's people pleasing tendencies, and it's a defense mechanism. It's like you rather have people like you than talk/gossip behind your back, or assume things that aren't accurate. Cause' then when you get around those people again, you have to wonder in the back of your mind about their intentions or what their thoughts may be about you, when it's easier relaxing because you know they like you and accept you.

Like I know why I'm insecure, why I always want to be accepted and mainly it's an ego booster. I have issues with ego and relying on others to make me feel good about myself, when it should be me making me feel good about myself . Like I know that I shouldn't measure my worth or how good of a person I am by anyone elses standards, but it's because I'm used to being judged and having expectations placed on me that has helped create this problem. When you're used to being judged, it's very difficult to fix this.

Ask yourself if you're used to people placing expectations on you, or if you're used to being judged or examined... whether or not you're a perfectionist and feel that how good or bad things are a reflection on your own personal standards and how you would judge your own self looking from the outside. Now the rational thing would be that if you can look at yourself from an outside perspective and see more good than bad, more positive than negative, then that should be the only thing that matters. We all have areas to improve, and we should because it makes us better people in general, not to cater to anyone or anything in particular.

Hope I've made sense. Sometimes I'm a lot better at giving advice than following it. I always know what I need to do, but have a hard time doing it :blank
 

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Nice advice indigo ^^^

I feel the same way too. I feel like I have to be this perfect person who is the best at everything to get people to like me. I am so used to people ignoring me and being alone all the time that I have lead myself to think that my real personality isn't good enough. I just feel so dry and boring- like everyone else is a way more interesting person to be around than me.

I also feel that if people give me attention (i.e. talking to me, being friendly) they are only doing it because no one better is around and as soon as someone else comes around, they will start ignoring me again (happens to me at school all the time, lol).

I know these thoughts are irrational. I'm trying to get over this problem by reminding myself that I do have many good qualities and I don't need other people's positive opinions to feel good about myself. I am working on overcoming this, but this has been the hardest part of SA to overcome for me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Nice advice indigo ^^^

I am so used to people ignoring me and being alone all the time that I have lead myself to think that my real personality isn't good enough.
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We are sometimes our own worst enemies.
 
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