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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
im going to uni this year and it is my last chance to make friends, have fun etc
what tends to happen in new situations is i go in, wanting to be outgoing, but then fail and then just become the shy one.

i dont think im someone who naturally likes being quiet because i actually think im the opposite. the real me is someone who likes to do crazy stuff and have a laugh.

ive had friends but in hindsight i realise ive only been myself with like one person and a few others were just aquaintances who i was shy with. im usually drawn to liad back people who you dont worry about offending.

i hate looking for a job, and get intimidated by people just because they are confident, and im way too sensitive to what people say. i guess im paranoid.
though i do have a deep confidence that if i was myself i would be liked, so i dont understand why i cant be myself.

i feel like ive always been a cling, ive had friends who have been very pretty, cool and outgoing and i feel like i clung on to them when they socialise with loads of people, whereas theywere like my only friend...now i dont even bother askin to hang with them cuz i think theyd rather hang with someone whos a social equal, even if they did enjoy my company.

uni is a fresh start, if im labelled the quiet boring one, i know i will hate it. i also get worried about being judged as changing on facebook, its like you can never leave old friends behind anymore.

i also want to be confident in getting jobs, instead of dismissing nearly all jobs, worrying that 'the people who work there look abit rough', 'its a very small shop so i might have socialise alot with just one person'...

i also have abit of Body dismorphia, with my face, as ive been called ugly quite alot

any advice on becoming the quiet one in uni
 

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Start with small exercises that you're uncomfortable with. Have conversations with total strangers or the cashier at the store. Try to be more spontaneous and less methodical when you converse. If you say something that you later regret, don't beat yourself up over it. Instead, see it as a learning experience and change accordingly. Remember, just putting yourself out there it a positive thing.

When people talk to you, try to keep the conversation flowing. When someone asks you a question, try to answer with something that leads to more talk, instead of simple "Yes" or "No" answers. If you don't think you can handle talking a lot, do things that force the other person to talk (i.e. ask questions about themselves or about their opinions).
 

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Hi, I understand how you're feeling as i was in the same situation last year. Unfortunately i didnt manage to shake off the shy one label. I think the main reason for this was that i didnt join in much at the start of the year. There are usually loads of events at the start of the uni year and i regret not going to many of them. You should try to go to as many as possible as these will probably be where you make your friends. The more people you meet, the more possible friends you can make.


Also, similarly to aviators comments above, what has heped me lately is forcing myself to say more in conversation. Not allowing myself to be silent and forcing my thoughts out my mouth has been very helpful. I've realised recently that i have a tendency to think i should stop talking as i am boring people, and this leads to abrupt conversations. Just trying to keep talking has shown me that most people dont care what you say, and that it is ok to babble, even when they might not be interested in what youre saying it doesnt matter. It has got me used to talking for longer and being less nervous when talking. Most people simply dont care if you keep talking.
 
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