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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just wondered, cause it actually really bothers me and its turned into quite an ugly trait., that I find myself really pleased when things to go to plan for people or go wrong. e.g breaking up of relationship, failure at a exam etc... Whats weird is that its with my FRIENDS. i mean youd think anyone youd wish bad things on wld be somoene you dont care about. but obvsoulsy i do care about the few people i like and who migt consider me a friend in return. Maybe its just the jealously that overtakes everything, they all have their own friends and lives that seem to take priority over me all the time, spose i feel unfairly treated alot of the time, so its like a esentful thing, but at the end of the day i do feel it towards people i consider my friends.
Has anyone else had similar feelings? It kinda worries me..
 

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PASTAMANIA BROTHER
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I guess I can understand why some people may feel that way since it makes them feel like they aren't alone, but no I don't wish misfortune upon others (unless they deserve it) and I don't find myself pleased.
 

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I feel like this all the time. I guess its true: misery loves company. When my best friend was struggling with her job search, I was happy that I wasn't alone. Now that she is working a salaried job and moved out of her mom's apt, I feel jealous. I've always felt like I was in her shadow. We were both pretty much nerds in high school, but I felt like she secretly wanted to keep me from shining.

When she got the job she forwarded an email to everyone and it sounded like she was bragging. It just made me feel even worse. I find it very hard to be genuinely happy for anyone's success. I think its because I'm so disappointed with my life.

Don't feel guilty, I understand how you feel.
 

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yea i know what you mean ...it's like, if others have the same "failures" you don't feel so alone and it gives you a sense of being in the norm
 

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Hiding In My Den
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Other peoples misery makes me happy. Especially if its someone I used to know. Even when people I'm currently friends with are having things go badly I find myself a bit happy about it.
 

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Force of Habit
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I occasionally have these feelings too, and they are usually followed by a rush of resultant guilt and self-loathing. My understanding is that while neither is positive, both are pretty normal for people in our situation.

The fact that you recognise that these feelings of envy and Schadenfreude (cheers, Friday's Child ;) ) are unfounded is, however, a very positive thing. Equipped with that recognition, you can consciously stop these feelings from affecting your interactions with and treatment of others, which is what really counts in the end. And the more you do this, the more open you are to feeling empathy instead of envy. This is just my unqualified amateur opinion, mind you; but either way, don't beat yourself up about it. By taking a step back and examining your own feelings, you're already doing the right thing:)
 

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Not sure if it's pleasure you feel or relief that other people are just human and make mistakes as "nobody's perfect".
 

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Well, I guess in the sort of way a few of you have described, it makes me feel less alone when other people have some of the same problems as I do but I don't think I'd say I'm really pleased about it. I do like to see other people happy even if I know I can never be one of them. It's kind of my way of living and being happy through them. I don't know if that makes any sense but that's the way I think of it. When a good person does well and succeeds, I'm happy for them. It's kind of like the first people who went to the moon. It was a personal triumph for them but they were doing it for all of us and we were all there with them.
 

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Sometimes. Especially if it's a matter of my being completely alone with a particular problem of mine, absent someone else I know screwing up. It's not that I spend a lot of time wishing it ahead of time, but more a matter of feeling relief when it does happen. Sick, but I'm sure quite common (and probably universal) among our fine human race.
 

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not yet but only because ive been isolated for years with no friends noone to talk to etc. im pretty sure if i were to get back into the social game in my current pathetic state ya i would. ya know what would really plz me? nancy grace getting cut in half by a dump truck on her way to work. that would be pure guilt free psychological pleasure.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Whats significant I think is that I do only feel it towards people I know. Its not like i go around cursing everyone's life who i see in the street. I actually hate unhappiness or misfortune of other people in itself, i actually think i feel more for people than others do. Its not like ive turned into a cold-hearted person. Spose cause i have no connection to people i dont know, i dont have to live with seeing what they have or dont have. Im the post sympathetic and caring to those less fortunate than myself. Ive never really thought about it being about the fact that it then feels like they are human too and have failures just like the rest of us, i guess i always just assumed it was jealousy. I can NEVER admit any jealously of any kind to friends, even if its just ingeneral conversation. its like im opening up the most sensitive part of myself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Whats odd also is that no matter how much I might resent the joy and happiness I see in other people lives, Ive never had the feelings of wanting to "be" anyone else or the desire to switch lives. I I feel like if i wasnt me, i wouldnt have my family or the personality that I know I have but just cant show. I must sill value what I have more than how much I have these negative feelings..
 

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Ugh I'm like this I just have to admit it! There are times however where I'm actually happy for the other person and they were able to achieve something and aren't like me.
 

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Space Cadet
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I just wondered, cause it actually really bothers me and its turned into quite an ugly trait., that I find myself really pleased when things to go to plan for people or go wrong. e.g breaking up of relationship, failure at a exam etc... Whats weird is that its with my FRIENDS. i mean youd think anyone youd wish bad things on wld be somoene you dont care about. but obvsoulsy i do care about the few people i like and who migt consider me a friend in return. Maybe its just the jealously that overtakes everything, they all have their own friends and lives that seem to take priority over me all the time, spose i feel unfairly treated alot of the time, so its like a esentful thing, but at the end of the day i do feel it towards people i consider my friends.
Has anyone else had similar feelings? It kinda worries me..
Yeah, I feel that way. Especially about my friends' relationships, which are of course oh so perfect.....nothing like the one quasi long-distance relationship I had.:|
 

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As much as I hate to admit it, yes. I know part of it is jealously, but most of it is because of so many da*n misfortunes that have piled up on me in the last couple of years. I've basically developed a general hatred of anybody who is functional right now. Especially suburban housewives who drive around in their fancy $50,000 Land Rovers with their $600 designer purses and Chanel sunglasses. Sorry, I'm ranting, but even when I was functional and making GOOD money I was never into materialism so it's always been a pet peeve to me...
 
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