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I have BDD. Have had it as long as I remembered. Have always felt that I look weird. Had really bad acne for about 10 years. Was in need of braces when I was younger but my mother didn't let me have them even though dental care is free for people under 19 here in Sweden, because she thought they would look ugly on me. Yes, she is a narcissist. Didn't get my teeth fixed untill I was 21 and then it took 2 yrs.

Have always felt that there was something strange with my looks. Like I was not a person but an alien. Have had problems really pointing out exactly what's wrong it's more like the shape and texture of my body, my hair and my skin.
My skin is today - at 28 yrs - better then ever even thought I still have enlarged pores. And my teeth are straight. But I feel like the uglies most deformed person.
I spend a lot of time trying to " fix " my skin and would NEVER go ouside without putting on some sort of makeup to cover up the skin. When I had a boyfriend, I never let him see me without makeup, wore it to bed and remade it as soon as I woke up som he wouldn't have to see my ugly big pores.
Ugh, It's even embarassing to write about it here...:|

I have also noticed - as my ex so kindly made me aware of - that I have different sized eyes! How freakish doesn't that sound :blush I just tought my eyebrows were assymetrical. But it's my eyes.
And now I can see that my entire face is assymetrical. The sides of the face don't match. On one side, the eye is bigger and the entire bone structure is kind of larger and more difined. The nose is a little bit bigger and the hairline different.

I can't stop obsess over my skin and the fact that my face is assymetrical. I feel like people are noticing it too and if anyone gives me a compliment I feel very certain that they are just saying so because they feel sorry for me. I feel that it is very obvious that I look hideously strange.
This makes the SA even worse. I feel like I startle people only by making myself be seen.

I have no real evidence that this is true, so I feel really paranoid. I feel that people are lying to me and I wish I could find someone to tell me the truth about my looks.
If I ask my best friend she says that I have something of a model about me. I guess it's my body, 5'9 and kind of slim, long legs, because it can hardly be my face. And of course she will say that, she's my friend since 22 yrs back.
I don't have exacly that much of a problem with my body as my face. The body is easier. You can diet or work out. Dress away the parts you don't like and dress to accentuate the parts you like better. And people mostly look at the face. You can't cover up the face. And my face just look strange. Feels like the head is just wrong for my body. I feel like I have a human body and an alien head.

Can stare at photos of myself for ages and try to understand what is wrong and how I could fix it. Or hide it.

I really don't want to obsess like this. I don't want to be beautiful or perfect, I just want to stop thinking like this and feel that I accept my body. I don't wanna feel like this, it's exhasting!

Do anyone feel the same?
Any advice?
 

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kurt vn
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I know how you feel

Hi Elsa84,

I'm sorry to hear about your suffering.

I know how you feel,
I've always had a lot of trouble with my reflection, feeling ugly/misfit.
Once my desperation got so bad it made me do something terrible to my face which has ruined my life completely. I'm gonna post a thread about it so you can read my story there.

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of advice for you as I am still very much suffering myself.

I am getting professional help for it and starting a course for it soon, but my desperation is still sky high. It is so depressing and I feel like there is no hope. People stare at me and call me ugly and I don't blame them. I agree.

I know how you feel about the face/body thing. Faces are so important in human interaction. I'm not bothered about my body at all, if I work out my body looks fine. This is something I can control myself. My face, however, I can't control myself. Sure, you can cover it up, but me, being a boy, I would alienate myself even more. The last time I tried to control it myself out of desperation the situation went from bad to dramatic.

I have been depressed about how I look and myself for years now, and I can't seem to snap out of it. I am never confident and constantly ashamed of myself.
I don't really want to look pretty/handsome either. I just want to look and feel normal. I feel this is something I will never achieve, however hard I may try. It made me totally reclusive.

I recently started on a different antidepressant, but it still needs to kick in.

I browse the internet to try and find hope for living, which is how I ended up here. It is sort of comforting to know that there are people with similar issues, as this condition is extremely alienating. I tend to draw inspiration from brave, admirable people who have some form of deformity or facial trauma and still go through life with a positive attitude. People like Simon Weston and Maurice Simpson.

I get support from family and friends, but although it is very nice of them, it doesn't really help me that much. I still feel just as worthless as it is very difficult to move on from yourself. You can never escape your own person.

I hope you'll be able to accept yourself how you are someday, but it won't happen overnight. People with BDD tend to get corrective surgery, which often only worsens their feelings about themselves and they tend to regret it afterwards. Just like I regret doing what I did in the past out of desperation.

Before I got professional help, I used to be even worse off than I am now so this is something I can advise you. If you haven't done so already, you may want to try and find a place near you where they are specialized in BDD and make an appointment. I find that even just talking about my issues does seem to help, if only briefly.
 

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Writer
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Used to have chronic bdd. It was hell. Unfortunately it is different for each person so i cannot really offer advice.
Good luck though...
 

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I have also noticed - as my ex so kindly made me aware of - that I have different sized eyes! How freakish doesn't that sound :blush I just tought my eyebrows were assymetrical. But it's my eyes.
And now I can see that my entire face is assymetrical. The sides of the face don't match. On one side, the eye is bigger and the entire bone structure is kind of larger and more difined. The nose is a little bit bigger and the hairline different.
No ones face is truly symmetrical. Alot of people may seem to have symmetrical faces but on closer look they are not. With BDD we will become obsessive and focus on the smallest of differences. If you did the same with other people no doubt you will find they have assymetrical faces also.

I've seen this technique (mentioned in th article below) and i think it highlights how small differences in our face symmetry can have a big impact on how we see ourselves.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...t-symmetry-How-look-sides-face-identical.html
 

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Yep, another BDD sufferer here. It seems to come and go in phases - I can go through weeks where it isn't too bad, and then I get a prolonged period where it really comes to the surface. Right now I'm in the middle of a bad patch, and it's getting to the point where it's getting incredibly difficult to hold down a full time job and I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to last.

This morning I worked myself up into such a state - I spent so long in front of the mirror trying to look normal enough to leave the house but the more I looked the uglier I was getting. I was late for work and absolutely stressing to the point I thought I was going to have an absolute breakdown - having to leave the house at a certain time 5 days a week is a huge ask when you feel like this.

It sucks that I'm constantly late for work because of this crap, not just because of the stress it puts me under, but also because it makes me look so lazy. I get a lot of gentle ribbing from the people I work with about my tendency to be late - for the first few times I just made up excuses so that they knew it wasn't my fault, but then after that it gets ridiculous coming up with reasons, so I just gave up and now have not much choice but to play along with it... "ha ha yep, I'm walking in the door again 10 minutes late - I'm just that lazy!" as though I just rolled out of bed 20 minutes ago with my "I couldn't care less" attitude, when in actual fact I probably got up ages before they did, and have actually put in a massive effort just to get there.

Sorry - just needed to rant and get that off my chest. But yeah, BDD sure does suck.
 

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When I was around 13-14 I was told that I had BDD. I didn't understand what it was but apparently I had it. I had horrible cystic acne in high school. I had it treated by a dermatologist but I was still extremely ashamed of how I looked. I constantly tried to hide my face (with my hair, with my hands, not looking at people, etc). I was a little overweight as a kid. I lost the weight (over 40 pounds) but developed a severe binge eating disorder and would over-exercise to the point where my period skipped for 4 months. I felt fat and ugly all the time. Even at my lowest weight I still felt disgusted with myself. Whenever I'd go out in public I'd constantly be checking myself in mirrors to see how I looked. Whenever someone took a photo of me and showed it to me I'd literally be sick to my stomach of how I looked and almost got nauseous, sometimes I couldn't even bring myself to look at the photo.

I've also had a history of applying makeup heavily. I went through a phase where I didn't wear makeup at all, and this made me extremely anxious because I noticed that people were commenting on it. Whenever I go to the bathroom to see how I look in the mirror and I see other girls there I go into the stall and wait for them to leave so I can see how I look in the mirror. I get so self-conscious that they're going to judge me while I'm looking at myself because I'm just so damn ugly so I need to be alone to do it. I literally obsess over my looks to the point where it takes me hours to get ready, and I'll be so nervous about going out and the other person seeing me that I'll start sweating so much and that just makes me even more self-conscious, so I try not to leave the house unless I'm going to school or food shopping or what not. But even when I go food shopping I get so anxious. It just feels like everyone is watching me, when I know in reality now that they probably didn't even care.

I've tried to tell others about it, but they've told me it's "all in my head" and that it's not a real condition, that psychiatrists just "make it up". I'm really tired of being told this, so I just never tell anyone anymore.

I get even more self-conscious/anxious in certain lighting. Does this happen to anyone else? I've noticed that in EXTREMELY fluorescent lighting I worry about it so much more, but in dimmer/dark lighting I don't worry about it as much.
 
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