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Thats the only way for me to describe my condition. I realized I don't have SA at all because I have no problem picking up the phone or going out in public, the problems start to appear once I engage in conversation with a stranger. Before long I KNOW they notice something is wrong with me, I might not show emotions at the right time or not respond positively to them when they're funny. I don't know, I've thought about it so many times. I'm pretty sure its my voice as well that turns them off, I also have some trouble keeping the conversation going. It usually starts off well because I can appear optimistic in the beginning but that energy drains very quickly. There's something about me that repels the nicest of people. For example when I first moved into this apartement I met my neighbors and it started off well. Before long though, I noticed that neighbors wouldn't even look at me when I passed them and if I said 'HI" they would look up at me surprised and mutter a cold sounding response.
 

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I know what you mean about about not showing emotions and funny times or having a sense of humor...I find more amusement is shtuff that others would not find funny. I'm quite pissed off tonight. I went to my AA meeting for addiction and what not and am still a misfit amongst misfits...I'm happy that other people are grateful and I am too, just not enough to overemphasize it while sharing. I do not relate to many people and only very few topics spark my interest. Sports, Spirituality, and fascinating experiences but I'm horrible at mundanity. Life is like a dice game, I'm sure I'll feel better soon..
 

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I know what you mean about about not showing emotions and funny times or having a sense of humor...I find more amusement is shtuff that others would not find funny. I'm quite pissed off tonight. I went to my AA meeting for addiction and what not and am still a misfit amongst misfits...I'm happy that other people are grateful and I am too, just not enough to overemphasize it while sharing. I do not relate to many people and only very few topics spark my interest. Sports, Spirituality, and fascinating experiences but I'm horrible at mundanity. Life is like a dice game, I'm sure I'll feel better soon..
Looking at your album it looks like you actually have a life though. Having one person in your life is infinite times better than being completely alone and cut off from everything. I spend my weekends on the computer, watching tv, and driving around aimlessly listening to music.
 

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True, I do alot of the same stuff as you being that I have a fetish for expensive things, I'd rather sit home than spend money. I have people to talk to at certain times for support, friendships...thats up in the air? Volunteering is the shizzle, people coming together for a common cause, being a productive member of society...thats where I obtain self-esteem. If u notice, Im alone in most of my pictures, so verbally and emotionally bonding is not always the case. I play sports where communication takes place, thats for a common goal. Im blessed to have a family and you are definetly right that I am not alone, if anything, i want to let you know that i identify with your feelings even though our situations do not compare. Peace be with you.
 
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