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The way out is through.
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've noticed that if I'm hanging out with only one person, I can actually connect with them pretty well. Conversation goes smoothly and there's usually no hint of social anxiety. BUT, if there's 3 or more people I talk less and less 'til I'm just tagging along and keeping to myself the whole time. I hate when I'm out with someone and we run into someone else and the two of them just go off talking and I'm too nervous or socially awkward to join in. This is just with friends though; with strangers it's much worse regardless of how many people. Anyway, just wanted to share and find out if anyone else experiences the same thing.
 

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Happens to me too.

I hate it most when I finally develop the courage to talk too some girl, the conversation is going good .. and then someone else ( male / female ) comes , and goes off on a long tangent. I just can't seem to regain control of the conversation when that happens.
 

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yes, in part because it seems as soon as other people are entered into the equation, any interest in me is lost, and all attention is given to everyone but me.
 

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The Tragic Princess
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OMG!! I finally got up the courage to meet the guy I like and when it was him, me and my sister I felt very little anxiety...when it was just me and him I was very anxious at first but it melted away and we talked a bit and I even kept the conversation going, but when he brought his friends into the equation, I sat there like an idiot! I was terrified...and when I did muster the courage to say something I kept feeling like I looked stupid and what I said was the dumbest thing ever, but when I wasn't saying anything I felt like he was gonna think I'm boring, dislike him, weird, or bored....it's a catch 22 in miserable SA land....sigh....
 

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Yea, i have the same thing when its just one person its easier to talk and keep up a conversation, but in a group i just seem to fade away in the background, thinking about what i should say and if i should jump in the conversation or not but im too scared to say something stupid or stutter and then i keep thinking if i dont say anything theyll think im boring and dumb and then my heart starts pounding like crazy and i dont know where to look or what to do.
 

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I'm the opposite for the most part. One on one situations freak me out more than anything else. One on one with my roommates or something isn't that big of a deal if we're just lounging around doing our own thing. But long car rides with just one other person, or dinner with just one other person or hanging out with just one other person make me ridiculously uncomfortable. So much pressure to keep the conversation going. Awkward silences make my head explode.

That said if a group is too big I can easily get lost.
 

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I'm exactly this way. I usually do fine one on one, but as soon as another person walks up, I notice that the 2 will go on with the conversation and I'll just stand there awkwardly. I'll notice the person I was talking to no longer looks at me and will look at the other person. It's such a sucky feeling. I don't know why this is. I guess one on one I don't have to compete so to speak. Whereas in a group there is too much competetion and I'll just fall silent instead of fighting to get a word in.
 

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I can't break into group conversations.

but as soon as another person walks up, I notice that the 2 will go on with the conversation and I'll just stand there awkwardly. I'll notice the person I was talking to no longer looks at me and will look at the other person.
Yeah . . . It's also really awkward when they do keep looking at you, like they expect you to continue to participate in the conversation, and you just can't anymore.
 

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I'm the exact opposite. Growing up, I've never had problems with groups, and I was always great at public speaking.

But when I get to one-on-ones, I'm terrible. I have no idea what to say or when to say it. I think it's easier for groups because there are more people around to keep the conversation going, so even if I have nothing to say, there won't be so many awkward silences.

A perfect example of how terrible I am in one-on-ones is last spring when my I had to sit in a one-on-one conference with my English instructor. Without a doubt, those were some of the most awkward ten minutes of my life. It wasn't helped by the fact that she was kind of attractive either...
 

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I also do better one-on-one, as opposed to group conversations. I feel quite uncomfortable and useless whenever I'm with a group, thinking I have nothing good to contribute to the conversation and everyone will just think I'm dumb if I do decide to say something. So I usually just end up being really quiet, nodding along and smiling even if I have no idea what the other people are talking about. Everyone just ignores me anyway.
 

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Yep, I like conversations one on one. I get really nervous in group settings like 5-10 people (eg at a table)
table is fine for me, you're forced to be there, and thus you have a right to be there, you even have the right to be there and be quite for a few minutes. Standing up is different, if you aren't the life of the conversation, which never am I don't think, I feel like I don't belong there so I leave.
 

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I'm the same way. I've noticed the moment it's just me and some other person, I can open up a lot easier. It helps if I like the person of course.
 

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Yea cuz like the other people usually know each other or have another class together or whatever so I dunno what they are even talking about and it's like they are speaking another language.

One thing I found that helps is dont sit or stand at the end. Get somewhere where people are on both sides of you cuz you can hear better that way and its harder for them to exclude you cuz they have to be looking at you or talk around you.

Basically I just dont like talking in groups of people who know each other when I only know one or none of them and I think even people without SA feel this way too
 

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The way out is through.
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
yes, in part because it seems as soon as other people are entered into the equation, any interest in me is lost, and all attention is given to everyone but me.
Well, I try not to look at it that way. I just think I lack the skill for keeping it going. Obviously if I stop contributing it's just going to turn into the other two people talking to each other. It's only natural for that to happen. It's things like this that make me wonder if SA is just the lack of social skills coupled with the self-awareness of missing those skills.. kinda like the anxiety before taking a test you're not ready for, only the "tests" happen many times a day.
 

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I'm the same... I can talk to lots of different people one-on-one, but as soon as theres more than one of them in the room, I can't talk anymore. And I hate talking around the table! I get really anxious eating in front of people, and really hate it when someone asks me a question and then all the attention is on me. Or when they ask me something and my mouth is full of food, so then they sit there and watch until I'm done chewing :S I'd rather have everyone ignore me than let them see my anxiety.
 

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With group conversations, sometimes if what you say is not interesting, nobody will reply since you don't address nobody in a group conversation so you just embarrass yourself for appearing to be speaking to yourself. Or, when I'm in group conversations, I find that people probably cant hear what I say (or, at least, that is what I think) but cant be bothered ot ask "what?" so they just "blank" me, as Londoners would call it.

I think the only advantage of being in a group conversation is that there is less of a pressure to speak as there are other people speaking.

For one on ones, how much I decide to speak vastly depends on who the person is. If it is someone I am comfortable with then and/or have alot in common with them, I will have no problems with having a conversation with them. If it is with someone I am not then the disadvantages of one on one conversations becomes more evident (awkward silence if there is no conversation going) since small talk will only last so long...
 

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I definitely prefer socializing one-on-one. I'd much rather make a fool of myself in front of just one other person, than in front of five or ten people.
 
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