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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Remove my eye contact phobia, and I will consider my SA gone. Yes, it's that severe and destructive.

I've thought about the sources, about the whole mechanism, but just thinking won't cure this phobia.

The only exercise I think would be beneficial is to look someone I know in the eyes for extended period of time. For 5 minutes or so.

Any other ideas? Thanks. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Why am I not doing that exercise yet?

Oh, that would be the most adrenaline pumping 5 minutes in my life. Very hard to prepare for this. :)
 

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I've had so many problems with this since I was in elementary school. These days, I've been trying to do better by looking at the cashier in the eye whenever I'm ordering food. That's about it. Something about it is so hard for me. I hope someone has some thoughts or solutions for this.
 

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some girl told me she had the same problem. she said that intense focusing on your own forehead while having eye contact helped.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
To sigh and Micliph,
these are the most popular and straightforward methods for improving eye-contact. But these techniques are for those who want to FAKE eye-contact and not really HAVE it.

I mean, there's no need just to act to appear normal and outgoing. My goal is to feel comfortable looking straight in the eyes and focusing on them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I've had so many problems with this since I was in elementary school. These days, I've been trying to do better by looking at the cashier in the eye whenever I'm ordering food. That's about it. Something about it is so hard for me. I hope someone has some thoughts or solutions for this.
I always look to cashier's eyes too even though that makes buying stuff 10 times more intense. :)

I got another idea for eye-contact exercise. Looking someone in the eyes for a long period through sun glasses.
 

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The only way out is just to accept it. People will be more weirded out without eye contact then if you did eye contact.

I usually just pretend like the person is physically blind and they can't see me as I stare right into their eyes. Obviously, I do the occasional glance away during long conversation to not weird people out. I often pretend my eyes are my best feature and people want to get a look at my gems.

Sometimes SA takes over and I just can't do it. But, I've made huge strides by locking on. People respected and accepted me much more at work. So much so I feel remotely normal now. I know people are a lot less, "whats wrong with him". They also grasp what is coming out of my mouth much better.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
The only way out is just to accept it. People will be more weirded out without eye contact then if you did eye contact.
Well... what exactly do you mean? I can accept the fact that I have trouble with eye-contact and won't be expert at it. But living with extreme phobia in peace doesn't sound possible to me. :)

I usually just pretend like the person is physically blind and they can't see me as I stare right into their eyes. Obviously, I do the occasional glance away during long conversation to not weird people out. I often pretend my eyes are my best feature and people want to get a look at my gems.
Yeah, it has to do a lot with believing. I have this belief that my eyes get large and scary when I look people in the eyes. Well, guess what? The belief is the cause itself...

The other times I have this belief that people are penetrating me and getting inside. Not that they'd find something bad inside, but I just don't want to lose control or something.

What are your damaging beliefs concerning this fear?
 

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It's odd though. Whenever I'm at home, I have a very hard time making eye contact with my parents, but none at all with my cats. I suppose it's because cats don't have as complex emotions as humans do, so maybe I'm less fearful of them. It's interesting how cats actually try to make eye contact with their owners though. (or, at least my cats do)
 

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Remove my eye contact phobia, and I will consider my SA gone. Yes, it's that severe and destructive.

I've thought about the sources, about the whole mechanism, but just thinking won't cure this phobia.
I'm in exactly the same situation. I never used to even think about eye contact until I developed SA, and now it makes me so uncomfortable. :um

I think that my problem is that I'm actually overthinking the whole process of eye contact, hence making it unnatural.

When I'm speaking to someone I'm always thinking about eye contact, and whether im doing it right. Whereas people who dont have eye-contact issues are usually thinking about what the other peson is saying, and not where they are looking.

I'm gradually trying to overcome the problem by trying to maintain eye contact with people more often, but that fact that I make a concious effort to do this reinforces the fact to myself that I have a problem with it, which makes the eye contact forced, lol. Catch 22 :roll

One thing which I think helps a little when speaking to people is to focus on their face and facial expressions, as a whole, instead of making a conscious effort of staring into their eyes.
 

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The only way out is just to accept it. People will be more weirded out without eye contact then if you did eye contact.

I usually just pretend like the person is physically blind and they can't see me as I stare right into their eyes. Obviously, I do the occasional glance away during long conversation to not weird people out. I often pretend my eyes are my best feature and people want to get a look at my gems.

Sometimes SA takes over and I just can't do it. But, I've made huge strides by locking on. People respected and accepted me much more at work. So much so I feel remotely normal now. I know people are a lot less, "whats wrong with him". They also grasp what is coming out of my mouth much better.
I have a friend who has a brother who is blind. That would be a nice place to practise! :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
it makes me so uncomfortable. :um
Uncomfortable? I feel like in the middle of busy highway during such moments.

I think that my problem is that I'm actually overthinking the whole process of eye contact, hence making it unnatural.
That's absolutely true. The cause is the reason. Or the reason is the cause. :)
Catch 22.

One thing which I think helps a little when speaking to people is to focus on their face and facial expressions, as a whole, instead of making a conscious effort of staring into their eyes.
Dunno... that sounds like one of escape/defense tactics. I've developed many tricks but they don't solve the problem, just mask it.

Two questions for you:
- Have you ever tried prolonged eye-contact experiment?
- What do you believe people think about your eye-contact? Why do you think it's important for you to control it?

And give me your skype/ICQ/etc. contacts please. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Ok, first step taken. I bought very cheap sunglasses today and I plan to take them to tonight's poker night. It will be a nice experiment.
 

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A couple of things.

1.) Focus on the conversation.
2.) Relax your eyes (almost like you're smiling with your eyes).
3.) Realize that most people I've encountered don't have complete eye
contact during the entire conversation (some look away, some look at other parts of the face, etc.) Do whatever makes you feel comfortable.
 

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Remove my eye contact phobia, and I will consider my SA gone. Yes, it's that severe and destructive.

I've thought about the sources, about the whole mechanism, but just thinking won't cure this phobia.

The only exercise I think would be beneficial is to look someone I know in the eyes for extended period of time. For 5 minutes or so.

Any other ideas? Thanks. :)
I don't understand what you are saying. Can you rephrase?
 
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