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molaurie
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28 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I have 4 years of sobriety now. I drank and used drugs(prescription and non) to self-medicate my SAD and basically to get through life(socializing, work, etc.) until I hit rock bottom.

I go to AA meetings, but because of my SAD, I have difficulty in sharing/talking at meetings and doing all those things they suggest you do. Such as: chairing or being the secretary at meetings, sponsoring other people, going out for coffee etc. after the meetings, etc. Heck, most of the time I am lucky to just have the courage to even GO to a meeting!!! Let alone try to talk to people before and after the meetings.

Anyone else have similar experiences with AA?
 

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Cool story, bro!
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986 Posts
I have 4 years of sobriety now. I drank and used drugs(prescription and non) to self-medicate my SAD and basically to get through life(socializing, work, etc.) until I hit rock bottom.

I go to AA meetings, but because of my SAD, I have difficulty in sharing/talking at meetings and doing all those things they suggest you do. Such as: chairing or being the secretary at meetings, sponsoring other people, going out for coffee etc. after the meetings, etc. Heck, most of the time I am lucky to just have the courage to even GO to a meeting!!! Let alone try to talk to people before and after the meetings.

Anyone else have similar experiences with AA?
I'm drunk at 7:30 PM on a Tuesday. I don't know if I'm an alcoholic but I definitely drink most nights of the week to the point of intoxication just because I like the feeling. Everyone I know says 'you're being quiet' when I'm sober. They're used to the drunk me because that's really the only time we all hang out. It's sort of interesting.
 

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She-Wolf
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5,985 Posts
what would you describe of being rock bottom for you?

i worry sometimes that i will eventually develop a full-blown addiction. i am no doubt already dependent on substances for various reasons
 

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Banned
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448 Posts
Yep. I spent years of my life addicted to alcohol and drugs, trying to kill the pain inside me. Was in and out of AA for a long time. I could not stay sober. Whenever I wasn't drinking or using, the feelings inside of me were just too intense, and I would always relapse.

Right now, I'm doing much better. I haven't had a drink in almost three years. But I don't go to meetings anymore. I used to be really into it, but now I feel like I'm kind of done with that whole scene. I can sure relate to what you said about having social anxiety in AA, though!

Having to share in meetings was really tough. The worst for me was having to read out loud, esp. something like How it Works. Oh man, that was torture! What's ironic is that AA is filled with such outgoing, extroverted people! But I have met a few of us over the years inside the rooms. Congratulations on the four years! That's awesome.
 

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hiimnotcool: I think the key to it is what happens to you when you're not drinking. Do you crave it? Do you feel like you have to experience that feeling again no matter what the cost?

Nobody can really answer that question for you. You may be and you might not be. But if you're totally honest with yourself, you'll know. Either way, life still goes on. :yes
 

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Cool story, bro!
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hiimnotcool: I think the key to it is what happens to you when you're not drinking. Do you crave it? Do you feel like you have to experience that feeling again no matter what the cost?

Nobody can really answer that question for you. You may be and you might not be. But if you're totally honest with yourself, you'll know. Either way, life still goes on. :yes
Good point. I can go days without drinking without feeling bad and I do it on occasion. BUT, if I'm going to do anything social I do feel like I either need to drink or take valium or something else to cope. I'm slowly starting not to care about how I come off to others though so maybe that will begin to cease.
 

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Cool story, bro!
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Also, congratulations on your sobriety. That is awesome and quite the accomplishment!
 

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Born Of Blotmonað
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19,028 Posts
Congrats! to those who are & remain sober,

I used to drink to a buzz and/or intoxication daily at one point & also did the same with pot as well throughout my highschool years & for a year afterward as well. Eventually they both stopped helping my SA/depression & began to become a source of it so I stopped. I do still enjoy red wine & some beers here & there but I'm very careful not to indulge to often so as not to return to old habits.

I'm not sure I needed them when I was under the influence but I definitely did crave them. I'm sure had I continued I may well have crossed over into severe addiction
 

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molaurie
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28 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
what would you describe of being rock bottom for you?

i worry sometimes that i will eventually develop a full-blown addiction. i am no doubt already dependent on substances for various reasons
Until I was about 40, I drank/used drugs with relatively little consequences(no DUI's, not jail, nothing dramatic). Also, I could "control" it, using it only as a crutch for social situations or anything involving having to deal with people.

Then I found myself being a single mother and having a very stressful job. I guess the responsibilities were too much, and I crossed that line of pretty much having to drink 'round the clock. I hit not only an emotional bottom of self-hatred, incredible fear and utter misery; I lost custody of my children, who were the most important things in the world to me.

At this stage, I KNEW I was screwed, something had to change, I needed help. I then became willing to do WHATEVER it took to not drink/use drugs anymore and to feel okay again. The pain was horrendous. That's when I got into recovery and AA. And it has saved my life.

But I still suffer from social anxiety!
 

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molaurie
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Discussion Starter #10
Yep. I spent years of my life addicted to alcohol and drugs, trying to kill the pain inside me. Was in and out of AA for a long time. I could not stay sober. Whenever I wasn't drinking or using, the feelings inside of me were just too intense, and I would always relapse.

Right now, I'm doing much better. I haven't had a drink in almost three years. But I don't go to meetings anymore. I used to be really into it, but now I feel like I'm kind of done with that whole scene. I can sure relate to what you said about having social anxiety in AA, though!

Having to share in meetings was really tough. The worst for me was having to read out loud, esp. something like How it Works. Oh man, that was torture! What's ironic is that AA is filled with such outgoing, extroverted people! But I have met a few of us over the years inside the rooms. Congratulations on the four years! That's awesome.
Thanks, Typical Guy. I am on vacation at Lake Tahoe and just got back from an AA meeting. They asked me to read The Promises, and I can do that, because it's shorter than How it Works. I agree, that is torture! Last night they asked me to share and I said a few words, but that's about it. I know exactly what you mean about all those seemingly outgoing, extroverted types in AA. They all group together and talk before and after the meetings, and I'm at a loss..it feels like a cocktail party, but without the booze. Nevertheless, I still show up and just sit there and try to absorb the spirituality, hoping all the while that no one will call on me to speak!!! And trying not to feel shameful about having SAD. Heck, at least I'm sober!
 

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Yeah i used to have a bad cocaine & alcohol problem. I tried the NA route but it just didn't work. I found it put too much pressure on me and thus would cause me to relapse. I just quietly slipped away from drugs under the surface and avoided blowing a trumpet ahead of me and announcing sobriety, and i'm happy to say it's been working so far.
 

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After about a year of using high-dose benzodiazepines, ketamine sometimes daily, Ritalin, nitrous oxide, occasional opioids, GHB, MAOI and SSRI antidepressants, and more, I spent something like 4 months in pure agony. Now I am mostly past the benzo withdrawal but still am unable to experience pleasure (even worse than how bad it is naturally). I think maybe the benzo w/d or ketamine abuse gave me brain damage. My heart also still goes way too fast 24/7, like if I went for a moderate jog.
 

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If I had the money, I'd probably drink everyday to ease the nerves, but I'm kind of glade I dont have money, I would end up an alcoholic, not good.
Well done to anyone who has quit though, quitting any addiction is a tough job. ;)
 

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She-Wolf
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i can't imagine my life without any substances - illegal or prescribed. it would be a right ****ing bore.

i don't know if its bad, but i frequently fantasize about winning money and being able to buy a lifetimes supply, or at least a few years supply, of my favourite drugs.

whenever i get money, or when i earn it, or when i think of possible jobs to get, i think of the money in terms of how much stuff i can buy with it.

it terrifies me to think that one day i might not have access to any substances i rely on and it also excites me to when i have the guts to get a real job, keep the job, and earn enough money to keep up my habit. ironically, i need the drugs to help me find a job, help me keep it, and keep a lead a normal, productive life in general.
the more social i get and the more i go out, the more drugs i have to take to enjoy it. the more i work the more i need the drugs to get through it. when i go to school i'll need the drugs to put up with the work. i need them to function like a normal person would. and to be able to keep my life in order.


i've never admitted that anywhere or to anyone else
 

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i can't imagine my life without any substances - illegal or prescribed. it would be a right ****ing bore.

i don't know if its bad, but i frequently fantasize about winning money and being able to buy a lifetimes supply, or at least a few years supply, of my favourite drugs.

whenever i get money, or when i earn it, or when i think of possible jobs to get, i think of the money in terms of how much stuff i can buy with it.

it terrifies me to think that one day i might not have access to any substances i rely on and it also excites me to when i have the guts to get a real job, keep the job, and earn enough money to keep up my habit. ironically, i need the drugs to help me find a job, help me keep it, and keep a lead a normal, productive life in general.
the more social i get and the more i go out, the more drugs i have to take to enjoy it. the more i work the more i need the drugs to get through it. when i go to school i'll need the drugs to put up with the work. i need them to function like a normal person would. and to be able to keep my life in order.

i've never admitted that anywhere or to anyone else
Damn, you sound so much like me. That could've been me who wrote that.
 

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i can't imagine my life without any substances - illegal or prescribed. it would be a right ****ing bore.

i don't know if its bad, but i frequently fantasize about winning money and being able to buy a lifetimes supply, or at least a few years supply, of my favourite drugs.

whenever i get money, or when i earn it, or when i think of possible jobs to get, i think of the money in terms of how much stuff i can buy with it.

it terrifies me to think that one day i might not have access to any substances i rely on and it also excites me to when i have the guts to get a real job, keep the job, and earn enough money to keep up my habit. ironically, i need the drugs to help me find a job, help me keep it, and keep a lead a normal, productive life in general.
the more social i get and the more i go out, the more drugs i have to take to enjoy it. the more i work the more i need the drugs to get through it. when i go to school i'll need the drugs to put up with the work. i need them to function like a normal person would. and to be able to keep my life in order.

i've never admitted that anywhere or to anyone else
You just have to realize that drugs are always around. Especially when you purchase drugs and sometimes deals falls through or delayed, you become incredibly anxious. Believe me, if you start taking it easy on trying to find drugs, drugs just find you and it'll reduce your anxiety tenfold. You gotta start waking up and realize you can't just revolve your life around drugs, they'll always be around, but time is precious, don't waste it. Don't waste it in worry.

Wake up and try to go one day working sober and see how it feels.
 

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Grind
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i would defenatly call myself an addict, to alcohol and certain drugs...
 

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Drugs but stopped them for the most part. Scars on my face and chest now though as a result.
 
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