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I have noticed that my SA triggers are changing.

The same things that triggered me before no longer do (but then, I am also not in school and don't have to do public speaking- I am sure that one will never leave me) Now it seems every bit on my anxiety is basically able to be traced back to my weight/body image/self esteem issues.

I have realized that I am not so much worried about what I might DO (as I always thought) but how people see me. It's all about how big they think I am, what clothing I am wearing (will they think it's weird/ugly/whatever) and whether I have any sort of bump or bulge showing anywhere. Which is pretty much a given after you have had a baby. You know how they always show those pictures of a normal sized girl looking in the mirror and seeing herself 200lbs heavier? That's how I feel all the time.

This is actually the thing keeping me from going anywhere!

How did it take me so long to realize this was the main issue??? I have always known it was an issue, and i knew it was a big thing to do with my SA, but in the past few weeks I have realized that it IS my SA.

Problem is, I have dealt with eating disorder issues in the past, and anytime I try to 'diet' I get obsessive. I feel like it is inevitable that it will start all over again. Because I can only put up with feeling like this for so long before I snap. Which is what happened before really.

I am kinda wondering if I even really HAVE social anxiety, or if it's all just an offshoot of the other crap.
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