Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 3 of 3 Posts

38 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I apoligize this is a double post but for good meaning. I wrote this out in the introduction section and I know from being on forums that I and many others don't really give thorough reads to them because they usually are not asking big questions like mine did.


So I have Aspergers and ADD which ends up with Generalized anxiety as a significant part of it. It is an interesting combination which has some ups and downs.

Ups: I have a eidetic memory and am a certified know-it-all, (by others judgement, in a good way they said)
I am extremely objective and can very easily pick out emotional parts of conflicts and mediate conflicts between other people very well.
I am very very good at improving upon anything and everything. Fully original ideas I'm average but it is hard to find something I can't fiddle with to make it better, more efficient or easier.

Downs: I was completely oblivious to almost all the subtle social cues people do at 23 I am pretty good at noticing them but from time to time I REALLY piss people off.
There are really nonsensical ways I thing about cost/benefit ratios.
Like I would rather work 8 hours at a job that was 5 minutes from my house than work 1 hour with a 30 minute commute even if I was payed the same. (I'll touch more on that later)
No drugs, medications, herbs, suppliment or psychedelic works how it is supposed to on me.
Pretty much take all the effects they are suppose to have and switch it to the opposite and add anxiety.
Caffeine: sleepyness and anxiety
MDMA: Dysphoria, Distractability and anxiety
Ativan: More anxiety and dysphoria
Clonazepam: Reduced anxiety but dysphoria
DNRIs/Stimulants: Tweeky stimulation, anxiety and dysphoria.
All these tried in regular doses, double dose, huge dose, micro dose, low dose. Titrated over several days and 98% of the time those effects happen.
The only reason I tested them so much is because of the 2% but I've given up on them.

So anyway I've used the Cognative behavioral therapy from the Social Anxiety institute and I now find it very easy to overcome my anxiety, when there is any, in almost any situation.

But now instead of being anxious around people, now I just get really really bored. I try and try to listen to them, talk to them, tell my stories. Different people, same results: Bored in less than 10 minutes, talking or listening becomes like carrying loads of bricks.

The anomaly which I am SO greatful for is kids. I work as a gymnastics coach and I love talking with kids, playing with them, listening to them. Basically if I felt the way I do about kids about adults then I would be one of the happiest people in the world.

But I've been trying to implement techniques, pick out the tendencies and use them with adults. I am an avid experimenter and scientist (not by training, by nature) so I always accept that my pre-conceptions can be wrong. But with TONS of work, try-hard methods and easy-going methods I am really not getting results.

Now this boredom is not just an issue socially but it is a massive roadblock in everyday life.
One day I will get up, look in a kitchen cabinet and think of a better way to organize it better. When I'm done that I clean the kitchen, tidy my rooms, sew up a pair of pants, build a flat top for the parallel bars I build in my backyard and play on them for a bit, then go to a nearby park and play/do gymnastics then come home and watch some TV for a bit and go to bed.
MOST days are more like: I look at the pigsty my room is and maybe once a week I'll lazily half-clean it using 4x the willpower needed for everything on the above mentioned day. I'll look at my shopping list and if there isn't something that I don't REALLY REALLY want and is at a close-by store I'll just leave it for another day. When I've been hungry for 2-3 hours I get up and make some food (very health food, I know a lot about nutrition) which again takes loads of willpower. Then I'll get tired quite early and sleep for 10-11 hours and wake up tired.

I am not putting this up to vent or whine, please don't take it like that. It was not "good to get it all out" but quite the opposite.
What I hope for is some insights from some people who have experience dealing with these issues and some practical advice.

I have read many articles and books. Seen many videos and TED talks about motivation. I know how it should work but pretty much everything I try either works for 2 or 3 days pretty well then completely stops working or more often doesn't work at all.

Hope I get some good info..

155 Posts
if i had eidetic memory, knowing it's such a rare thing, especially among adults, i'd try to find some way to utilise it. then again i can't imagine how it feels like to remember so many details and whether it would feel natural to try to contribute anything to humanity if being so gifted.

i do have many problems with motivation too.. i just can't find anything i like to stick to.

749 Posts
I think this is because you are living to isolated. My most active times are after I had social contact. If i'm to isolated for a couple of days I don't have any motivation to do anything. My mind seeks "exitement" which basically means I eat junkfood all day because it is somewhat stimulating or creating a feeling.
You seems to be just bored and in need of people in your life.
1 - 3 of 3 Posts