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Hi all,
I am a little new, by a few months. For a while I had wanted to join though I was a bit I guess shy or hesitant. Though from what I seem to hear is this group is very kind and helpful. By looking around and navigating this site, it is helpful to see you are not the only one out there who experiences selective mutism and social anxiety. :)
When I seen the forum of Frustration and Friendships I was quiet surprised other members have issues with making friends. ( I know it sounds a bit weird of me saying that, but its because I have never met anyone else with SM and Social anxiety before.)
Well I decided to stop by to see if anyone has had any issues keeping friends. I ask this because, for a while I have been having difficulty with meeting friends. As a child I was very very shy and quiet to the point when I did speak you could not hear me. Unless I knew you real well then I was able to open up. My first friendship, took a lot of work. Unfortunately, it took me 7 years to build trust with the person, before actually being able to speak louder. I know a bit ridiculous. Unfortunately,though that relationship didn't last in High School. Not sure if it was me or we just went separate ways but, eitherway after it ended I had no friends. Basically I was a loner(if that's the right word to use). When I grew older it was tuff meeting new people. I was very quiet and didn't really join any clubs. The only club I joined was the art club my senior year and I went only for two weeks. Then I quite this is because, I felt It was not the place I wanted to be. It felt as I was being criticized by other students. Some of the things they would say "Why are you so quiet?", "Don't you talk?", "Were you born this way..your voice you know?". While some that did talked to me talked to me in a real slow tone like I was stupid. It was just a better place for me to be at home. Luckly by the time I graduated I did meet one friend that seemed to have a lot in common with me. One being we were both shy and she didn't treat me like many other students did. But as are friendship moved a long she was able to open up more to me. While me on the other hand I believe I drowned or have ruined our relationship, thanks to my WONDERFUL anxiety.
I know this might seem rude or making me as a bad friend but I am really not trying to be. But, Have any of you felt more safe around your home and your family than going out with a friend and his/or her family?
(I am really not trying to create a one-wayed friendship. I honestly believe when it comes to friendship there is two ways or its give in take. But, it is always my anxiety that kicks in).
I honestly feel bad because, when it comes to me inviting her to some things she comes but, when it comes to her. I kind of make excuses that I can't go. I know this is not right but, its like everything rushes to me. Thinking of everything that is going to go wrong. "Her parents wont like me", "They will ask too many questions I wont have answers to", "They will notice I am stuttering"...etc. Even at times, when I invited her to some of my things I would get suddenly panicky but I would then turn really quiet and not talk much. Or when I did try to talk like to ask questions to maybe pass time and reduce my anxiety I would come out rambling like from topic to topic. While other times I would repeat the same question I asked her a few minutes ago. :(

For example when it involves large crowds like during a raffle or eating something really sloppy in the open. I start to get really quiet, flushed, sweating, shaking...etc. Not to the point I am going to go in a panic attack or anything but its disturbing.
I don't know weather I should let our friendship slip or tell her I have anxiety?
(She is a really caring person or so she seems but, I don't know. For all I know our friendship could be over since she does not call me and the last time I seen her she completely ignored me like she didn't see me. I don't think she's the type of person who would do that. Though I don't know).
Have any of you been through this type of friendship or have had issues like this?
Did/or Have you told your friend/friends you have anxiety? If so how?
Also, is there any techniques you use to reduce your anxiety?

Thank you all for your patience and time.
 

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Hi there

I have a friendship of 43 years and I know she knows I'm anxious but we don't talk about it. She, on the other hand, is confident and popular and I think she gets frustrated with me sometimes. I saw her yesterday and she decided it was time to "correct" me on some of my behaviour/attitudes. I really didn't need it. The best times I've had with my friend (and other people that make me anxious) is when I've spent time in the company of family and friends who aren't trying to compete or peer into me. This gives me the confidence that I'm alright and I feel buoyed by their caring. Is doesn't mean my friendship of 43 years isn't that important to me, it just means that it's not the only friendship I have.
I hope this can help you in someway.

SF
 

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It's so hard to make new friends having SA please don't lose her. It's difficult to put yourself in a position where there are a lot of new confidant people but she has more in common with you than most.. push yourself for a good friend. I would love to have a friend who doesn't mind coming to my 'things' I'm bad at advice.. just try to grow a bond..
 
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