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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Where to begin ... well, at the moment I work in retail. Next door to my store is a convenience store where this girl works,
I'm on friendly terms with her and we have a friendly banter when she serves me.

The last few days she has visited the store I work in, the first time to purchase something and the second was to bring a
friend (there were 3 of them, her and 2 friends) in to get a job application as there's a position available. I attempted
some little conversation when her friends were there, it was hard.

I am really attracted and interested in this girl, however she's rather a confident and popular individual which what attracts
me and also intimidates me. I've never been good at reading signals from the opposite sex, meaning I think that she might
be interested but then again there's that part of me that's thinking that I might have it wrong.

Asking her out is becoming such a challenge at the moment (with both fear and anxiety), especially when the only time I
get to see her is behind a counter. I really want to ask her out to do something (coffee / walk etc.) but I don't feel it right
being done in her work place, is there any way around this ?

Also with me not being as much of a social butterfly, I'm afraid that she might be turned off by my non-confidant and
introverted personality, or am I just over-thinking the whole thing ?

Any advice would be appreciated.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Thanks for the response, I was going to attempt today but It just didn't feel right doing it in her work place.
As for doing it off the clock, that's just the difficult part in that we both work different shifts. I completely
agree that me pro-longing asking her isn't doing myself any favour, but you know how it is once you get it
into your head then the whole build up.

I'm hoping that she'd look past my anxiety disorder and that she wasn't just being nice and herself and I
miss-took this as an invitation, but then again that's the risk I suppose, just wish I had more self-confidence
and the courage to push myself. I will eventually, I hope it's just sooner rather than later !
 

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if this attempt doesn't work out, don't let it ruin your life by obsessing about it.

anxiety has a way of spinning things out of control... you know?

whatever you do, try to keep your anxiety under control and adopt a relaxed attitude to everything. (i have tricks for this, but most people would say they're unhealthy.)

good luck. :blank
 

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thoughts are just thought
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She's popular. You're not.

Odds of success = about 0.0001%
You know what even if I agreed your odds with her are 0.0001% . (which for the record I do not believe that).

If you don't ask her out your odds are 0% (which mathematically speaking is almost literally infinitely worst)

My view is this, if you are on friendly terms with a girl you find attractive and you are not in the dreaded friends zone. Ask her out.

The worst thing that can happen is she says "no" and you do not go out with her.

If you DON'T ask her out much worst things could happen.

Namely you spend the rest of your life wondering "what if?"

Also it is a missed opportunity not just for a relationship but also for you to face your SA head on. Almost all SA treatment will basically say you need to face your fears over and over again. Well here is a chance, hey even if she says "no" you are winner because at least you asked.

In my opinion you should ask her out expecting her too say no. I mean of course try your best to get a yes, but just expect her to say no, use it as a experiment to see "hey will I really die if I ask this a girl out on a date and she says no... hmm I guess not, so I guess this means I can ask girls out on dates and maybe one will say yes."
 

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maybe you should find a way to ask her to 'hang out' instead of going on a date? find some kind of social event where you'll be with other people. less pressure on both people that way. :yes

The worst thing that can happen is she says "no" and you do not go out with her.
no, the worst that could happen is that he makes her feel uncomfortable and she begins avoiding him, and he'll feel twice as rejected :/
 

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Yeah, I would think hanging out first would put her in a more comfortable environment. It's getting to know each other without as much feeling of having to prove yourselves to each other. Also, I find the way that you can judge my interest level in a guy is by how long I am willing to hold eye contact with him, generally while smiling and with open body language. It may be something to take note of, anyhow.
 

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thoughts are just thought
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maybe you should find a way to ask her to 'hang out' instead of going on a date? find some kind of social event where you'll be with other people. less pressure on both people that way. :yes
Personally I am not a big fan of this unless you are in middle school or something. If it works for some people more power to you, but in may experience it is a fast track into the friendship zone.

The reason being you need to put SOME pressure on her. You need to establish a tone of "I want to be more than one of your friends." Group outings tend to scream "your one of my buddies."

On top of which it avoids the main point of dating which is having a one on one with the other person.

Something is better than nothing, but I find group dates aren't as effective as one on one dates.

no, the worst that could happen is that he makes her feel uncomfortable and she begins avoiding him, and he'll feel twice as rejected :/
No that's not the worst that can happen, for several reason.

1. Without knowing him I am going to make a big assumption (yet one I am comfortable making) he is not a creep/jerk/psycho.

I feel safe in making this assumption because, she is not avoiding him now. They have interacted and she did not go running for hills, in fact she came back to the store where he works.

So based on the fact that she is currently NOT avoiding him, he at least knows how to talk to her without saying something horribly offensive, scary or creepy.

Which brings me to my second point.

2. He (nor you, nor I, nor anyone) has any control over someone else's feelings.

If say I something to a girl that is horribly offensive, scary or creepy then it is my fault if she is uncomfortable around me.

However, if I am a relatively nice guy, and I ask a girl out on a date, and she is so creeped out she starts avoiding me, THAT'S ON HER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Such a reaction is IRRATIONAL! And we can not base our actions on how someone might IRRATIONALLY respond.

He is a nice, non-creepy guy who she is currently comfortable being around, if he asks her out and she is unable to be comfortable around him because of it, that means she has issues that are totally independent of him. And it is a good lesson to learn that people like that exist, thus making even this horrible outcome BETTER than not asking her out at all.
 

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no, the worst that could happen is that he makes her feel uncomfortable and she begins avoiding him, and he'll feel twice as rejected :/
And then he's going to replay this in his head a billion times like we all like to do.
BUT DON'T DO THAT!
She's obviously at least comfortable with you... so just go for it.
And it's not like you'd be ruining an awesome friendship or something with awkwardness.
 

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However, if I am a relatively nice guy, and I ask a girl out on a date, and she is so creeped out she starts avoiding me, THAT'S ON HER!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol i agree :p

Such a reaction is IRRATIONAL! And we can not base our actions on how someone might IRRATIONALLY respond.
unfortunately people act irrationally all the time :/
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks for the response everyone, bit of a debate going on too on my thread but just thought i'd let
you know that I plucked up the courage and asked her out during her work shift, I was really unsure
and debated ages whether too or not.

Anyway I did it, and I got her name and number and she said yes to going out which really made my day.
So now it's just what to do next is the big thing, never gotten this far EVER !
 

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thoughts are just thought
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Thanks for the response everyone, bit of a debate going on too on my thread but just thought i'd let
you know that I plucked up the courage and asked her out during her work shift, I was really unsure
and debated ages whether too or not.

Anyway I did it, and I got her name and number and she said yes to going out which really made my day.
So now it's just what to do next is the big thing, never gotten this far EVER !
AWESOME!!!!:clap

"Fortes fortuna adiuvat" latin for 'Fortune favours the bold.:teeth'

No matter what happens next you know you can get a girl to say yes. No one can ever take that away from you. :teeth
 
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