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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
As the title suggests, I'm one of the people here who's just under the impression that there's something about them that turns people off. I don't know what it is, but people don't like it.

I'll have a conversation with a classmate or an old acquaintance from high school, and after the seemingly normal conversation, they won't say anything to me again or look at me again when I walk past them. These are potential friends who are choosing to keep us from getting any closer. There's nothing wrong with that, but in the beginning of our conversation I always feel like they're trying to see if I'm worth really befriending (almost like a friend-exam, I don't think of it that way but that's basically what it is), and I always fail without knowing why. I'm nice, I think I'm getting better at responding and giving my opinion on things, what's wrong with me? Is it my voice? Am I not interesting enough? It doesn't bother me that much, not yet at least. It's just a little troubling to see potential friends constantly keep their distance from me. Some do choose to pursue a closer relationship, but very few (I've met 1 at my college so far, I also might have just met another but I'm not sure..). So there you go. Can anyone relate? Any advice?
 

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People don't like me for some reason either, online or offline. Even if the conversation seems to be going great, they'll completely ignore me after that for no reason that I can understand. I could understand if it happened a few times, but it happens with nearly everyone I talk to. The only thing I can figure is that I'm either boring or annoying.

I guess the best thing you can do is just keep trying until someone sticks around. Though, for me that's easier said than done.
 

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How about you ask a friend to observe and tell you what you're doing that's making these people not want to stick around? Other people's insights would really help.

I've experienced something like this but I know that I'm really closed off and I give off some sort of unapproachable vibe. I really need to work on that.
 

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People don't like me for some reason either, online or offline. Even if the conversation seems to be going great, they'll completely ignore me after that for no reason that I can understand. I could understand if it happened a few times, but it happens with nearly everyone I talk to. The only thing I can figure is that I'm either boring or annoying.

I guess the best thing you can do is just keep trying until someone sticks around. Though, for me that's easier said than done.
it's the same with me that it's both online and off.
i thought for the longest time (eh, still do) that it was my appearance to blame, but really even people on the internet run in the opposite direction from me.
i'm coming to the conclusion i have a low IQ and little communication skill.
 

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SA drives people away. Either due to the inability to act as is expected, obvious nervousness (they must not like me if they act that way when I talk to them...), coping mechanisms like leaving a conversation early or avoiding contact.

It's not that people don't like you. It's that they either don't get to know you, or you tend to push them away.

Note that I'm using the general "you" here, or even just talking about my own experience. I'm not positive that is what you're experiencing.
 

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electric
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Hopeful, I feel that way A LOT. I think we just need practice. :yes Übung macht den Meister! (practice makes perfect, but cooler sounding :p)

SA drives people away. Either due to the inability to act as is expected, obvious nervousness (they must not like me if they act that way when I talk to them...), coping mechanisms like leaving a conversation early or avoiding contact.

It's not that people don't like you. It's that they either don't get to know you, or you tend to push them away.
I'm sure this is right. I do a lot of things to keep people at a distance without meaning to too, maybe especially people I'd like to be better friends with. It sucks. v_v
 

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SA drives people away. Either due to the inability to act as is expected, obvious nervousness (they must not like me if they act that way when I talk to them...), coping mechanisms like leaving a conversation early or avoiding contact.

It's not that people don't like you. It's that they either don't get to know you, or you tend to push them away.

Note that I'm using the general "you" here, or even just talking about my own experience. I'm not positive that is what you're experiencing.
This might be true for other people, but it's definitely not true for me. I can understand why people wouldn't want to talk to me in real life since I'm quiet and apparently look angry (one person said they were afraid to talk to me because they thought I would yell at them), but it happens online as well. Even when I'm having a great conversation with someone, they suddenly end it without any reason why. It happens nearly every time.
 

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This might be true for other people, but it's definitely not true for me. I can understand why people wouldn't want to talk to me in real life since I'm quiet and apparently look angry (one person said they were afraid to talk to me because they thought I would yell at them), but it happens online as well. Even when I'm having a great conversation with someone, they suddenly end it without any reason why. It happens nearly every time.
Try not to be so hard on yourself! Don't always assume its you, unless you have a good reason to (a history of people, including people you trust, telling you you're angry/difficult to talk to/whatever). Sometimes people are just not interested/can't think of anything else to say. If its the later you can poke them a bit with added comments and maybe they'll try and talk again?

If you are referring to this forum I bet they are just being SA-y. I know I completely over analyze stuff I post on here sometimes. At least half of it I delete.

I'm sure this is right. I do a lot of things to keep people at a distance without meaning to too, maybe especially people I'd like to be better friends with. It sucks. v_v
Yeah, I'm doing this right now and I'm completely aware of it but it still isn't stopping me. It sucks and is really really irritating.
 

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Try not to be so hard on yourself! Don't always assume its you, unless you have a good reason to (a history of people, including people you trust, telling you you're angry/difficult to talk to/whatever). Sometimes people are just not interested/can't think of anything else to say. If its the later you can poke them a bit with added comments and maybe they'll try and talk again?

If you are referring to this forum I bet they are just being SA-y. I know I completely over analyze stuff I post on here sometimes. At least half of it I delete.
It's nearly everyone. Even some of my former close friends have stopped talking to me. I've tried talking to them again, but they either ignore me or try to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Just recently my last "friend" (an online friend) stopped talking to me, despite saying that she enjoyed talking to me and considered me one of her closest friends. I doubt I'm making it up.
 

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It's nearly everyone. Even some of my former close friends have stopped talking to me. I've tried talking to them again, but they either ignore me or try to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Just recently my last "friend" (an online friend) stopped talking to me, despite saying that she enjoyed talking to me and considered me one of her closest friends. I doubt I'm making it up.
Oh I don't think you're making it up, just don't assume its because you are a bad person or something. People read a lot into the coping mechanisms we use and assume we aren't interested, don't like, are boring, and the list goes on.

Have you tried reconnecting with them? The longer you wait with that the more awkward it gets. If its been just a few months try and reconnect over coffee or something.

Avoiding stuff like that only turns into regret later, trust me. I'm not trying to minimize it but it might be difficult now but it'll feel impossible later.
 

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Oh I don't think you're making it up, just don't assume its because you are a bad person or something. People read a lot into the coping mechanisms we use and assume we aren't interested, don't like, are boring, and the list goes on.

Have you tried reconnecting with them? The longer you wait with that the more awkward it gets. If its been just a few months try and reconnect over coffee or something.

Avoiding stuff like that only turns into regret later, trust me. I'm not trying to minimize it but it might be difficult now but it'll feel impossible later.
I've tried talking to nearly all of my (former) friends, but they don't seem interested. These are people who have been friends with me for years. It wasn't a problem until recently, either. Within the past five months, I've lost nearly every friend I had and I can't find anyone else who wants to talk to me. And like I said, this even happens online where my anxiety isn't nearly as bad.
 

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I've tried talking to nearly all of my (former) friends, but they don't seem interested. These are people who have been friends with me for years. It wasn't a problem until recently, either. Within the past five months, I've lost nearly every friend I had and I can't find anyone else who wants to talk to me. And like I said, this even happens online where my anxiety isn't nearly as bad.
You are at an age people start to drift apart. Are they in different schools/jobs? Otherwise I'm at a loss I guess. Sorry it's happening. :(
 

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You are at an age people start to drift apart. Are they in different schools/jobs? Otherwise I'm at a loss I guess. Sorry it's happening. :(
Yes, but we mainly communicated online anyway. And it still doesn't explain why my online friends would stop talking to me so suddenly or why when I try to talk to other people online, they suddenly stop talking to me even though we had seemingly been getting along fine. Either I'm just a boring and/or annoying person or I'm so awesome that people feel too inferior to talk to me. I'm going to guess it's not the latter.
 

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I have the same problem. I think I turn people off for a variety of reasons, some of which I'm aware of but I just keep doing over and over. negativity, self-absorption- not asking enough questions or showing interest in others, not emotive enough- never compliment people or console them. I don't think people hate me but they just never like me enough to seek friendship. Only people close to you will tell you what is the problem. I don't even know if a shrink could help with this sort of stuff.
 

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electric
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Either I'm just a boring and/or annoying person or I'm so awesome that people feel too inferior to talk to me. I'm going to guess it's not the latter.
Someone here wrote basically these exact sentences recently. Weird. Was it you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
People don't like me for some reason either, online or offline. Even if the conversation seems to be going great, they'll completely ignore me after that for no reason that I can understand. I could understand if it happened a few times, but it happens with nearly everyone I talk to. The only thing I can figure is that I'm either boring or annoying.

I guess the best thing you can do is just keep trying until someone sticks around. Though, for me that's easier said than done.
Exactly, if it only happened with a few people it wouldn't bother me as much, but it's seemingly everyone I talk to :no. I used to be a lot worse and I know before it was my ridiculous anxiety, but now I'm getting better and I'm still getting bad responses from people. I'm hoping this isn't something I'm just gonna "have to get used to" and that I can improve in some way, but if that's the case then so be it.

How about you ask a friend to observe and tell you what you're doing that's making these people not want to stick around? Other people's insights would really help.

I've experienced something like this but I know that I'm really closed off and I give off some sort of unapproachable vibe. I really need to work on that.
That's a good idea. I'll keep that one in my backpocket if it starts to really get to me. And I never really gave off those vibes, it's just that whenever people approached me they thought I was a weirdo :no. Maybe if you put yourself out there more you'll naturally appear more approachable :)
I feel the same way, but I like you Hopeful25. :) You're very likable online.
Thank you :). I like you too :high5
SA drives people away. Either due to the inability to act as is expected, obvious nervousness (they must not like me if they act that way when I talk to them...), coping mechanisms like leaving a conversation early or avoiding contact.

It's not that people don't like you. It's that they either don't get to know you, or you tend to push them away.

Note that I'm using the general "you" here, or even just talking about my own experience. I'm not positive that is what you're experiencing.
That could be true :no. I'm always trying to be conscious of my responses and the vibes I give off. Not to an obsessive extent, but just so that I always seem approachable (unless I'm really angry or upset at something, in which case I probably don't want to be approached). But you could be right, maybe I'll ask a friend or my brother if I seem distant at times.
Hopeful, I feel that way A LOT. I think we just need practice. :yes Übung macht den Meister! (practice makes perfect, but cooler sounding :p)
I agree :yes. I just wish people could give me a chance sometimes you know? Cause I feel like if they did know me they might really like me. I can't blame them I guess if it's my doing though :no, that's why I need to figure out what it is that I'm doing wrong.
 

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I feel exactly like this. Something about me stops people from wanting to get to be friends with me. I am a good conversationalist...I am genuinely interested in asking people questions and listening. I am never the one who ends a conversation or cant think of what to say next...for someone with SA, I am surprisingly good at small talk etc. But nobody ever initiates get togethers or conversations (online/texting etc) with me. I dont know if Im just really boring, too opinionated, or what. I wish I knew what it was...
 

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I get this feeling a lot. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to maintain a good relationship with anyone. It feels like it starts out well, but the same thing happens where they start ignoring me and I just get the feeling that my mere presence annoys them.

One time, I was (sort of) trying to keep in touch with a friend from high school. We all read each other's blogs in school, and he and I were the only ones who kept posting. I would occasionally comment here or there, but I held off because he didn't usually respond. Then, one day, he posted about how someone kept trying to talk to him, but they wouldn't get the hint that he didn't want to talk to them anymore. He said that they hadn't done anything explicitly wrong, they just rubbed him the wrong way. I still don't know if it was about me or not, but I stopped commenting at all.
 
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